New, laying it all out...please help

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Blue727
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 4/26/2007 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I am new to this forum, so please forgive my long post...very confused at this point in my life.
 
I am a 27 year old male and have had most of these problems going on for awhile. I will try and break it all down, but please be patient. Over the last three years I have went through the following; my grandma died, had a daughter born by emergency c-section and she had to be hospitalized for a little over a week, lost a friend in a plane crash, bought a house, went through a separation, ex got married, sold my house, filed bankruptcy, parents divorced after 27 years of marriage, hated my job for the last four of the five years I've been there and now quit my job.

about a year and a half ago, I went out drinking and having always been a worrying type of person, I couldn't remember where I was for like 15 minutes of the night and thought the worst case scenario (I could of killed someone or something to that extent) and was so overwhelmed I couldn't go to work for like a week and a half. I attribute this to a black out with a bad dream or something. The doctor's have put me on Zoloft up to 250 mg, Buspirone, Clonazepan, Welbutrin, Xanax, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Cymbalta, Lunesta, Remeron, Prozac, Paxil, Clomipramine (which sent me to the E.R.)....you name it. I went into a treatment center and every doctor I have seen states "it's anxiety, depression and OCD."  My ex used to tell me I was bipolar, but the doctors say "no".  I was looking up symptoms about a year and a half ago and convinced myself I was schizophrenic (sp).  When I came out of treatment, they put me on 1 mg of Clonazepan in the morning and one at night, Lexapro 20 mg and Ambien at night.  I quit taking the Clonazepan after talking with my doctor, as I felt it made me more nervous.  I did like the doctors said and quit my very stressful job and now must move away from my two kids (I only get 10 days per month). 
 
My symptoms...I feel tired all the time, get paranoid, startle very easily, crabby, weight gain then weight loss, which they attribute to the medications, although I could never put on a pound before. Heart palpitations, my ears seem to hurt quite a bit (like driving thru the mountains) of the time and I sometimes get a tingly sensation in my left foot and hand. My body feels like it’s going a million miles a minute for most of my day, but I have no drive. I sometimes feel like I could get up and run a mile. I sometimes am in the most talkative of moods, but then I’m down. I often feel as though my eyes are wide open almost bulging out and I feel like my eyes are moving slowly trying to catch up.   I got a bacterial eye infection, the doctor referred me to an internal specialist and she did every test known to mankind.  No thryroid problems or anything abnormal.  I have tremors in my hands almost like Parkinsons (not all the time, but quite often), headaches, I sometime feel like I’m slow, I can barely hold a conversation with people anymore as I feel different, my legs sometimes jump or twitch, I worry constantly, very forgetful, no sex drive, no motivation (I just want to stay in my house). I have more days that I think about suicide than days I don’t. Very dry scalp (more so now than ever), my scalp feels itchy quite often. I run out of breath very easily and cannot play or hold my children like I used to. I am very irritable and moody. My mind is constantly racing. I rarely talk to my friends and sometime find myself avoiding there phone calls. I can’t sleep or stay asleep with out taking Ambien, but I can’t get up in the mornings either. I cannot tolerate the heat and will actually sweat like a pig, but I am often cold when others are hot. I feel like my eyes are going back and forth and when I’m in a public place I feel like everyone is watching me. I feel very slow reacting when this occurs, but other times I have super fast reflexes. Some days I eat anything in site, but others I could go without food. I often feel weak and shaky. I seem to have a very short attention span and lack of concentration. When I go into a WalMart or some place with bright lights, my pupils actually get enlarged and my eyes feel like they are bulging out. I almost feel drunk all the time...like my equilibreum is off or something.

I was scheduled to have gall bladder surgery three times, but for two of them they couldn't do it (after they had already put me out), as my carbon dioxide levels were to high. Went to a heart doctor and she cleared me so they went through with the surgery.

I feel like a hypochondriac or something with all of this going on and trying to explain it, is the hardest thing.  My biggest problem is my eyes which nobody can understand.  They feel like they are always trying to focus, feel distorted and very large.  Anybody else relate to this?  I feel like I am running out of options and I am so frustrated and ashamed to have all of this going on. Every doctor or psychiatrist, tells me it’s just anxiety, compounded with stress, depression, ocd and panic attacks. I’ve had panic attacks before and if that were the case, this would be the longest running panic attack I have ever heard of and I'm not getting better on any of the medications, maybe even worse.  I breakdown in tears, can't sleep, my body feels like it's going none stop and I cannot handle any stress.  Like I said, the eyes are the biggest factor for me right now and people have even told me my pupils looked big, but the eye doctor said everything looks fine.  Almost every one I talk to says I look fine, but just tired.  I felt it could be phsycosamatic (sp), but it is an all day, everyday thing and I also have night blindness.

One thing that really sticks out is the fact that, if I go out and drink any alcohol, the next day I am worried about everything and I try to fill in the blanks for missed time. Say if I can't remember where I was for fifteen minutes that night, I will think, my god I could have killed someone and then my mind will run and I will worry about it for weeks. This has happened before to me, but it's only if I have alcohol. Like I said, I've always been a high energy person and my mother is the same way. The cleaning spells I go through can be attributed to her. The doctor I see here said they do not see any signs of bipolar and if I had that, they believe something extreme would of happened by now.  If I don't drink and am not on any medications, I'm usually fine, but if I drink, I get so worried, I have to be put on something.
 
Do you think the medications could be having an adverse reaction with me?  Making me worse instead of better?  Any suggestions?  With being on all the different medications (I'll have to admit, some I didn't give a very good chance, because I was in that state of mind..."I don't need this."), could I have developed serritonin syndrome or something to that effect even though they were different medications and most of them were never taken together?  I drink caffeine (mountain dew, pepsi quite a bit) and chew a can of Copenhagen a day....no street drugs or anything like that.  The last three or four days, my body doesn't want to sit, my mind doesn't want to rest, but I am physically tired and cannot sleep.
 
I will also post in depression forum, as I could use all the help I can get.  Thanks!

ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 4/26/2007 10:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Blue,
There's really nothing particularly unique about your situation. Your mind and body are just taking a terrible beating by the anxiety. Right now, life is traumatic for you. And you've had some very serious things to deal with in your life.
We get very involved in ourselves and demand control - when the fact is - nobody is really in control of anything. We chase a myth. The thought of not having control is unbearable, so we do anything we can to convince ourselves that we do. But in the back of our minds, we know it's not true. We're addicts.
I've found that medication plus a really good counselor can be a powerful combination.
Are you seeing a counselor regularly? If not, you should. You need someone that can "talk you down" and help you make good choices about your meds.
The medications can be a great blessing once you find the right one for you. But while you're in the midst of the storm, nothing seems good and all seems hopeless. You need folks around that can have been through similar situations. Unfortunately it takes time - and that's the hardest part.
You need to GET OUT of your mind. Make yourself do simple things outdoors that you really don't want to do. Soak in the sun! Feel the earth under your feet. Laugh once in awhile at how absurd our thoughts and emotions can be.
There's piles of hope out there blue. But you won't find it inside your head. You can't "think" your way out of this. You need someone else that can do some thinking for you (a counselor).
Don't you dare give up...

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/28/2007 4:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Blue.......I answered your other post
I believe JD has been great withhis very empathetic and SOUND input .......

We are like a " family " here ..please as was said
Dont give up
Fight the fight use all the resources there are and there are so many believe me

I love doing as JD said and laughing at some of the weird and silly things I have done and believe me today was /is no exception....

I had a procedure yesterday am supposed to be resting ..I got out to go shopping forgot keys and get home to find I had barred all my windows but one a tiny kitchen one lol
I stood on top of the car ( after pulling it about a quarter of an inch from bldg) and proced to try to get in
I have nic nacs all over window sill ( not for long lol) and I am 5'7 and thin but I tell you I was just like a bleeding pretzel.....BUT I still got in and I laughed so dang hard at self I am sure the neighbors thought I had lost it for sure this time ....I am sure I wont be laughing when the bones and muscles kick up lol
LIVE.....LOVE......LAUGH.......BELIEVE.......in the beauty and and in the silliness too

I am not making light of A/P nor your situation for it is a hades you are dealing with but please know there is a light at the end ...Honestly there is

Be Well
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


aquarias
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 296
   Posted 4/28/2007 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I definitley see some similarities between you and I.  I got really sick 1 1/2 years ago.  I am fortunate to say, I feel like I am coming out of it.  I thought my life was fine, but then I got hit with this terrible illness.  It really felt physical for the first six months.  I had every symptom you can imagine.  I was so dizzy all the time that I couldn't drive, I was weak, bad headaches, sore throats, panic attacks, nasuea, muscle pains, horrible fatigue, and those are the more normal symptoms.  I even looked ill, I had dark circles under my eyes, I was pale and very thin.  I tested for everything.  I thought I must be dying.  I went through every kind of doctor there is.  Every single test came back normal.  Then the anxiety came on really bad.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I was having horrible thoughts.  I felt like I should go to a mental hospital.  I couldn't be around anyone.  I started having breathing trouble and I couldnt sleep. I was crying all the time. I really didn't want to live that way. I too thought I was becoming a schizophrenic. It was so scary. I was constantly on line reading about mental illness.  So I went to a therapist who assured me that I was just having very severe anxiety.  I went on medication.  That was 1 1/2 years ago.  I have come a long long way. I will never know what exactly happened.  If it was physical, mental or both.  I don't know what led me to this, but I did lose my grandmother who was like a mother to me about 1 year before all of this started.  I think the body shuts down when there is too much stress built up.  Once I started feeling a little better, I started drinking in social settings because it temporarily relieved my anxiety.  But I would drink too much and black out- like you.  My fiance would tell me what I did the next day.  I couldnt remember.  I know how scary that is.  So now I really don't drink and if I do I do it very carefully.  I think the meds with alcohol make everything worse.  I am hoping you are not on all of that medication at once right?  If you need to, you can message me.  I think I have been through it all in the last year and a half.  I was your age when it hit me.  Now I am 29.  You will get through this.  You should talk to a therpist, and stay away from drinking.  This is time for you to focus on getting well.  These forums are also a good source for help.  Take care.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/30/2007 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I was a a bad drunk PLAIN n simple
I have been sober since 79 I wrote my story here and dug the skeletons and demons up I was sick with a/p over it for days BUT the end result was a great person we all know and love got sober...
So it was worth every dang demon I drugg up IMHO.........

Blackouts were so common they became part of my life I was embarrased til I opened my first beer in the early am ........and then drank all day into oblivion again ...

If interested it is ......"
My Sobriety........Life In A Bottle .......started by TWIGGY
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, September 26, 2016 2:04 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,694,205 posts in 297,446 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 152131 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, User123.
378 Guest(s), 19 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Simon Templar, Rspwed, Leilex, lucynethel (OR Just Mike), tickbite666, cb1234, bluesharp, Michael_T, rvrusty, Momma_Fuchs, ByeByeUC, pmm73, Verucasalt2.0, rockyfords, Globetrotter, LauraJK, Traveler, artermix, Nomar Lupron 4 Me


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer