** I do believe exercercising self help techniques and books as well as cutting out caffeine and and booze may be a good start.......especially CBT for starters
Post Edited (Blue727) : 4/28/2007 4:47:15 PM (GMT-6)
Dear Blue 727
Holy Cow.........I am not sure where to start my friend. I am sad for you.
It sounds like you have run the gambit of medications however, you admit that you were not always compliant so that may have contributed to why your not sure if the meds work? Some of those meds take 4-6 weeks or longer to be effective.
Believe me, I truly understand how worried you are about your health and I am here to support you. I would like you to stay away from the drinking and benzodiazapines............very dangerous combination. I think the black outs were probably due to the combination of alcohol and drugs. You need to take your meds as prescribed but not mix in any alcohol.
Do you truly believe that you could have committed a crime and not have been apprehended if you were in the shape your describing?
I am not a professional but I truly hope you have a therapist and a psychiatric that are co-ordinating your care. Also, I think you need to work as a team together, the 3 of you to help you to start getting better. Build a trust relationship with your professionals.
Families can be very observant and sometimes they actually can be right.
I know we would rather not hear that as it is our illness and they "don't understand". Sometimes they do have good insight as they watch us and notice when our behavior changes.
Do you truly believe that you could have committed a crime and not have been apprehended if you were in the shape your describing? I am and would never be that type of person, plus I live in such a small town, I would have known within 10 minutes, however, after a night of drinking, even if around people who are watching me or whatever, I still wake up and find anything to worry about. Whether it's who I said something bad about or who I didn't talk to. I understand this is not normal, but I'm not sure what normal is considered when drinking alcohol. On the "hangover" day I sit and evaluate the entire night and try to pinpoint every amount of time and detail.
I am not a professional but I truly hope you have a therapist and a psychiatric that are co-ordinating your care. I have seen a physchiatrist, but he however told me last week he did not need to see me anymore, as the medicines I have been prescribed can be given to me by a family doctor and he's not sure what I'm looking for. He has stated over and over "that there is nothing wrong with you but anxiety, depression and a little OCD when it comes to a day after drinking." I see a counselor once a week and he understands, but doesn't understand what I'm saying about my eyes. My counselor believes this all started when I was 14 and have to have my throat dialated (stretched), as I have Acid Reflux disease and have a small opening in my throat.
Families can be very observant and sometimes they actually can be right. My family is very helpful, however they sway from believing I shouldn't be on any meds to I should stick it out and try with meds. Both parents both agree that they obviously aren't working. They believe that I was never like this before I started on medications and feel that maybe I was given too many in such a short time. I was never taken off of a med for a month and then tried on another one, it was almost one right after the other. They think maybe I had an overload or something to that extent.
Here's a little history on myself over the last 5 years (not looking for a cop out or sympathy or anything like that, just thought it might shed some light); I moved to this town with a girl I was in a relationship with and started a desk job in a cubicle doing the same thing everyday, had a baby, relationship was not very good, my grandmother died, had another baby in the same relationship, my daughter was born via emergency c-section and was hospitalized shortly after that with RSV for about a week. Had a kid I graduate with die in a plane accident, my fiancee left me 6 months after we bought a house and during this time we were together she pretty much wanted nothing to do with me and would show it by not helping me do chores around the house and things like that. She moved out and got engaged two months after. During this time, I filed bankruptcy after selling the house, she then got married. My parent's got divorced last year after 27 years of marriage, three kids including a handicapped daughter. Finally, I quit my job last Tuesday...five years of absolute hell at this place. I would get written up if my kids were sick and I didn't give 72 hours notice. I understand most people don't do cart wheels to work everyday, but this place was the most stressful, least fulfilling, most monotonouse job you have ever seen. Constantly wanting more out of you. My ex stated "you have hated this job forever, yet you keep making yourself go everyday and they treat you like crap in return." I went to a treatment facility for 7 days where I was prescribed 20 mg of Lexapro, 2 mg of Clonazepen each day and 10 mg of Ambien at night. I quit taking the Clonazepan as I have a relative highly addicted, but have continued the rest. Everyone tells me I need to put my mind to use on something else, but they don't understand that I wake up this last couple weeks with my body already going a million miles a minute. I take a nap and wake up worse.
The physchiatrist had put me on 100 mg of Clomepramine and I had to be rushed to the E.R. I also had an episode with Xanax where we went out of town for two days and I forgot to get my prescription filled...my family and friends thought I had a seizure or something. I was holding my daughter and all the sudden started twitching and my eyes felt like they were going crazy. I didn't think anyone noticed and all of a sudden my cousin said "oh my god, give me (my daughter), are you okay." I went to the E.R. and they attributed it to missing two days of Xanax. I have never been the same after that.
Sorry for the long post. Am I a lost cause or does any one have any suggestions? I know nobody on here is a professional, but the advice would be great to take to a professional. Thanks Again!!!