It this all fake? please read, I'm really down.

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/2/2007 2:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
I was dignosed with depression and anxiety in dec 06
 
I have done countless anxiety and depression tests and always get high scores saying I am suffereing both
 
I am seeing a councillor and was prescribed anti-depressants....
 
But i STILL can't deep down let it sink into my mind that this is what is causing me to be the way I am!
 
I am in such a rut.
 
Due to as you all probabley know by now, feeling totally dodgy and weird towards my boyfrind who has been a great support to me, I have became obsessed with relationships. I know this may sound silly but if:
 
I read/see on tv/hear of a couple (famous or not famous) splitting up I feel really down,teary and awful and think "Well theres no hope for me, I'm doomed.
 
If I read/see/hear of couples lasting,getting over bad patches,being together for years I kind of go on some kind of weird high and think "Yay we can last too" and feel happy and hyper, but this quickly wears off.
 
Also the minute I pick up a magazine/newspaper I skip straight to the problem pages to see whats going on with all the relationships, and then my horoscopes and I ALWAYS seem to find a way to relate it back to me.
 
My councillor has told me a million times why I am feeling like this, but I still go on about everything as if I don't know whats making me like this.
 
She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case. Also the student nurse with he also said this.
 
I sometimes think I don't have anxiety and depression and I just hate my bf for no apparent reason, as I don't feel like this about anyone else. But the minute hes gone I miss him, I think about him all the time and still like cuddling into him etc, so why am I feeling this way??
 
I am in the state of mind at the moment of not believing anything is wrong with me, and I analyse every thought/feeling and emotion that arises.
 
Is this depression or am I infact making this all up and just being an idiot. I am not getting anywhere. I am looking in on a life that isn't mine.
 
I also phoned the docs this morning to see if they could reccomend a good psychiatrist. They said they don't know anyone and don't know where to find one. Where will then, any ideas??
 
Thanks 

** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 5/2/2007 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sure that this is depression and anxiety that you are suffering from. You seem to display all the common symptoms. It is normal to feel to find it hard to admit that this is what you have. Depression is an illness and you can get well again, you won't feel this way forever.
How long have you been taking medication for? Have you spoken to your doctor about ongoing symptoms that you are experiencing?

I'm sure there are plenty of psychiatrists you can see and your doctor should be able to refer you to one but Im not sure how it works where you live.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/2/2007 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I have just phoned the docs, and they said that they don't know any psychiatrists and don't know where I'd find one.

Helpful...:(
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


harry4
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 5/2/2007 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   

sometimes psychiatrists are shown in the yellow pages under doctors, ask pharmacists for names of local psychs who they  think might help

IMO a psych who just suts and listens and says little or nothing in return isnt much good

I assume you have rtied lots of antidepressants?

remember that sometimes being miserable and worried can just be a habit

you dont need to know whats causing your problems in order to get better


recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam


Aussieangel
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 5/2/2007 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Your doc should have a list of specialists to refer patients to. Also do you have any private psych hospitals? That's how I found my current pdoc he practises through the medical clinic there.

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/2/2007 8:34 PM (GMT -7)   
You should be able to flush out a psychiatrist on the internet or phone book. I'd go with the internet, because they'll often post their curriculum vitae and philosophy about treatment on their site. Also, sometimes you can find reviews about doctors just by Googling their names.

I've only seen one psychiatrist in my life. He just sat and listened to me for a few minutes and prescribed medicine. I was expecting it to be therapy, but he said most psychiatrists don't do that and I should go to a psychologist for that kind of thing. I know SOME pychchiatrists do both, but not many. At least around here.

But from what you said, you're definitely having some troubles and could use some help. Good luck.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/2/2007 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,
Sounds pretty classic to me.
It's really disappointing that your physician didn't find a psychiatrist for you. Unless you live in the wilderness, I can't imagine why he would have failed you like that.
Your counselor should also be able to recommend someone. If they can't refer you, then you might want to try another counselor.
I really like the idea of contacting a psychiatric hospital for a referal. Generally a psychiatrist's job is to analyze your symptoms and define a regime of medication that will help you. But you have to find the right dosage of the right medication - for you. And unfortunately it can take time. My psychiatrist believes that too often MD's are overly conservative with the dosage - never giving you quite enough to reach therapeutic levels. A good psychiatrist will be very patient and understanding. They'll take very seriously their role in helping you get better. If a med doesn't work, they'll find another or adjust the dosage until it has the desired impact.
BTW...in case you haven't heard the mantra around here...NEVER EVER STOP TAKING YOUR ANTIDEPRESSANT OUTSIDE OF A PHYSICIAN's CARE.
You can get better...MUCH better. Keep talking...we like hear from you!

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/3/2007 2:00 AM (GMT -7)   
My mums gonna try and get someone today, I really can't go on like this. I don't feel i'm getting anywhere with my councillor.

thanks# everyone.
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/4/2007 1:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Just to let you all know that I've got an apoointment to see my doc on Tues. I'm gonna see about new meds and a psyc thanks everyone.
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/4/2007 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
That's awesome scotsgal. You're taking intentional steps despite the agony you're experiencing. Have you looked for any support groups? In a lot of ways your mind isn't a good friend to you right now - it's telling you things that aren't true. A GOOD counselor and a support group with people that have gone through this very same thing can help diffuse some of the bad thought patterns your brain is currently stuck in.

A good counselor though won't necessarily tell you what you want to hear. It can be a battle. So don't expect it to always feel good. There are things you've latched on to that you currently feel are necessary for your survival - when in reality, they're part of what keeps you in bondage.

The medication can also play a huge role in your recovery.

Make sure and check back with us after your appointments.

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/5/2007 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
'So don't expect it to always feel good. There are things you've latched on to that you currently feel are necessary for your survival - when in reality, they're part of what keeps you in bondage.'
 
What do you mean by this? My current councillor has done this to me a couple of times- challenged me on subjects.
 
By you saying this it has automatically in my head jumped to 'they're talking about my relationship' see ehat I mean??
 
I just can't stop. Yesterday a work colleague said to me, so how long have you and your bf been together.
 
2 and a half years i replied.
 
He then said oh, I don't know if thats good or not,cos you don't know what your missing.
 
Then all day I doubted my relationship and felt weird and down.
 
Thing is I do know what I'm missing...and that isn't what I want.
 
Why am I like this?

 
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/5/2007 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
It's like this. Let's say your counselor tells you that there's a green ball on the table - but to you it looks red. You have to make a conscious decision that you're going to trust your counselor with certain things - regardless of what your brain is telling you. So you say "ok, the ball sure looks red to me, but for now I'll take your word that the ball is green - even if my mind is adamant that it's red".
When your counselor challenges you on certain things, they're asking you to consider a different perspective - even if your brain is telling you something contrary.
What everyone here is trying to tell you is that the obsession you're experiencing, is very familiar to them. We've all had obsessive thoughts that we can't seem to quit thinking about - yours happens to have a relationship tint to it (mine was about dying). Relationships are one of the most important aspects of being a human - they're critical to our well being. It's rational and good to seek and think about relationships.
But what we're trying to tell you is that the obsessiveness you exhibit with regard to relationships strongly correlates to anxiety and depression - a brain chemistry problem. If you're miserable, and have continued to struggle non stop since december (regardless of the object of your obsession), then you need to do something different - because what you're currently doing isn't working. The current dosage and variety of anti-depressant you're taking is NOT achieving a reasonable outcome.
Having to take risks and do things different can be terrifying. That's what I meant about not expecting counseling to always feel good. You're been asked to do things different - because by doing them, over time you're more than likely to feel better. : )

ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/6/2007 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Right on Kate!

There are "healthy" ways of feeling bad. And there are "healthy" ways of feeling good.

But there are also "UNhealthy" ways of feeling bad. And "UNhealthy" ways of feeling good.

There's hope - even if you mind is telling you there isn't. The ball is green. : )

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/8/2007 1:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
 
Well had a slightly weird weekend,
 
Went out with my bf and his sister and her bf to the bowling in our town.
 
Me & my bf got on great and we had a good time, up until his sis and bf started arguing, I felt soooo awkward and wanted to cry!
 
Really don't know why though!
 
Then throughout the weekend I have been really teary for no reason!
 
On Sat me and my bf had a fall out, over something stupid, me not wanting him to go out clubbing. Anyway anytime we have one of our little arguements, I always think NOOO this is the end of us blah blah, and any little thing seems 10000 times bigger than it is, basically I tend to make mountains out of mole hills, I get really down when we argue I mean majorly. I just feel like giving up when I get that down. We made up though and had a really long talk, hes been really trying hard since, but still I don't really appreciate it. I want to but I just don't know how to at the minute.
 
Then on Sunday we were watching Stand by me, the film, at the end of it I started crying..as I do. But usually it'll calm down 2 mins after the films finished, but oh no not that night! I sat and cried for near enough half an hour afterwards. And I mean howling. My bf looked amazed. He didn't know what was wrong with me as I was fine one minute and bawling my eyes out the next! He cuddled me so tight I thought I was going to burst but I still didn't calm down any more.
 
Then! This morning I was rushing around trying to get ready for work, but couldn't find my hairbrush or trousers and some other stuff. I just felkt inside that I went limp and cpouldn't be bothered even trying and I basically sat on the edge of my bed for 5 mins just sitting in a daze. I felt that way a few times this morning. Just like pffft stuff it. And falling out with myself.
 
Then! I know another one! I was sitiing on the bus, and thinking through an important call I had to make today. I couldn't make sense of what I was saying though. I was trying to say 'will there be any becoming free' but I kept saying in my head will there any be becoming free. And I knew it sounded wrong, but at the time I din't know WHAT was wrong with it.
 
So...another stormy weekend for me again...is this the depression too??
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


grangerlou
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 5/8/2007 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
You're not making it all up. Our minds are quite powerful and whatever you are feeling is there. Have you experienced a lot of loss in your life? I've personally had to come to terms with loss and through it all, and trust me there was a lot of bad, my boyfriend has stayed right next to me. It's amazing how when you see clearly you realize what a great person you have next to you and how much you need a person like that who sticks around. :) yours sounds like a great guy too, keep him close! Trust your boyfriend and realize that your relationship is not like anyone else's, so you can't compare. If you are like me and you've had a lot of loss in your life you may think WELL I'M GONNA LOSE HIM TOO, I'VE LOST SO MUCH ALREADY, WHY WOULD IT STOP NOW? Right now, tell yourself that you deserve happiness in your life, you are going to live your life and let your boyfriend in closer. I can't promise you that you won't lose him (I can't promise myself I won't lose mine) - however, don't let your life with him pass you by like this. There's a possibility you won't lose him, you know?!?! :) You are not prone to unhappiness or losses in your life. You've probably experienced A LOT, but look how strong you are, look deep! :) Keep your head up and realize that you are unique in your life experience and you can accept that. Then know that it's ok for you to have happiness too!!!!

ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/8/2007 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Last Friday you said "Just to let you all know that I've got an apoointment to see my doc on Tues. I'm gonna see about new meds and a psyc thanks everyone."

Were you able to see a doc?

scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/9/2007 1:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I have to go tomorrow to see him now (Thurs) as my mum couldn't make it y/day. My brother was rushed back into hospital with his Chrons. So I will let you all know tomorrow.
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **

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