I used to always feel bad on family occasions like birthdays or holidays, too. I'm not sure why that is. Clearly, they're stressful because there's a lot of pressure to be "happy". Perhaps we feel guilty that we can't be, and it turns into yet another one of those vicious cycles. Then we start feeling guilty about
lots of other things that are and aren't our fault. Self-loathing.
Nevertheless, I wish you a happy birthday. I hope something will come along and take your mind off your troubles.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorderanxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/