My son's girlfriend has anxiety disorder with OCD

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AZ Mom
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/16/2007 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I really need some advice. My son has had a long distance relationship with a girl for almost 3 years. They get together whenever possible. I have know that she has had insecurity and trust issues, but always chalked it up to being a teenage girl. I raised two daughters and knew that this was pretty normal. Recently she was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder. Things have gotten pretty bad in the last week. My main concern right now is my son is graduating from High School in a week and is planning to move to her town this summer and go to college in the fall. She is a year younger. We do care for this girl very much, but I'm not sure my son is mature enough to handle this, especially since we are going to be 1000 miles away. She does put him under a great deal of stress because of her trust issues. In the past year he has pretty much given up all his friends and only goes to school and work. Recently he has even been withdrawing from family functions in order to be on the phone with her. We just don't know what to do. She was only diagnosed a week ago and put on prozac. She will go to counseling too. We do have a decent repor with her mom and dad. My first instinct is to try really hard to keep him from going. I don't think I can win this tho'. HELP!! Can we expect her to improve soon. She has really gotten worse the past 2-3 weeks.

jerseycherries
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 5/16/2007 4:45 PM (GMT -7)   
i am no expert. but y is your son withdrawing. for me and my experiences thats how i start. the girlfriend getting help is great. but there is no quick fix or cure all. she will have ups and downs. and being so young she may decide once the pills kick in to stop taking them. because she feels good and "doesnt need" them. AGAIN i'm not an expert. this is just how i did things. i am 29 and still having major ups and downs. but i am not possesive like her. i do not have ocd. well not diagnosed anyway. and some of my dissorders are just a week into diagnosis. i will push my husband away. as opposed my impression of her. plus this is a high school young love. do your research and lots of it. talk to your son and her family openly and honestly and tactfully as possible about your concerns. hope this was helpful. research and information and communiction work for me.
I am bipolar, have social anxiety, panic attacks w/apporaphobia , diabetes, asthma and high blood pressure. Life is short but i am not.


AZ Mom
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/16/2007 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your help. We are planning to talk with her parents, and see if they feel his being right there will be a good or bad thing for her recovery. We do have a close relationship with our son, but young love seems to win out. I have been researching like crazy, and am learning alot more about it. My family has dealt with depression, so I do understand that its not her fault and she needs help. Thanks again

Aussieangel
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 5/16/2007 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Your son sounds like a very brave and sensitive guy. While I think it's fabulous he wants to help his girlfriend, he is only very young himself and the withdrawaing from events etc sounds like it's taking a toll on him.
 
Would he be able to go to counselling as well? I know my husband has stuck by me but it must be hard for them as well never knowing how our health will be from one moment to the next.

debaser
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/16/2007 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
That's a sticky situation. On one hand, he's an adult now. On the other, you have a lot invested in him.

It depends on how she responds to treatment, I guess. If she does well she can lead a somewhat normal life and they can have a good relationship. But, yeah, I guess it could go wrong. I've dated my share of these types of girls when I was his age.

From what I know about SSRI treatment (which isn't much....I'm no doctor), the meds will actually increase anxiety initially. Hopefully some people will come on here to confirm that with their first-hand experience. It may explain why she's actually gotten worse lately. Hopefully she'll level off soon and then get better.

Point her and her parents to sites like this one. People DO get better. I never thought I would but I did, and if I did she can too.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


AZ Mom
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/16/2007 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all your help. My son has withdrawn, but it is becuase it's easier than dealing with her insecurities. She doesn't want him to be around other people in case he might be attracted to them. By the way he has never dated another girl. She is a darling girl, so its so hard to understand why she is so afraid. Its good to know the medicine may make it worse for awhile. Thanks again. And yes he is a very sensitive, loving and spiritual young man.

ChristianWithHope
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 5/16/2007 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a 16 year old that is dating a girl that is very "needy". Both parents smoke in the house like chimneys seemingly w/out concern for their daughter. And the father drinks.
In my son's situation, I'm very concerned about what seems to be a co-dependency developing. Meeting her needs gives him significance. She leans heavily on him - and he likes it. If he starts to draw away, she panics - which just reinforces in his mind how "important" his mission is to her.
There's a time for pouring one's life into another (marriage), but not at 16. In your son's case, he's almost out of the nest - and like it or not, he's going to be making his own decisions very soon. But if he respects you at all - what you say will sink in - and at some point when he's out there all alone - he'll remember your faithfulness - and that's when you need to be ready to offer him counsel. Hang in there mom... : )

AZ Mom
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/17/2007 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I know your right, and we have to let him make his own way, its just not what we had in mind for him. I know he does respect us, and he has grown up in a very stable, loving home. I agree with the co-dependencey, I know he feels like a very critical part of her happiness. I wish you the best with your son too. Its hard when they are such good kids, you just want whats best for them. Our son was supposed to be living in his girlfriends basement this summer till school starts, and now we feel he should move into the dorm early. So thats our next hurdle. We know we can't stop him from going, we just feel this family needs to work this out, without him being there 24/7.
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