Feeling depressed...as though life is over :(

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1ofhissheep
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/21/2007 10:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I didnt know wherelse to turn...so I thought I would come here because people here are very nonjudmental. I have had something so hurtful happen to me just yesterday and I am feeling about as low, scared , anxious and depressed as one can feel.  If you all dont mind...I would like to tell my story:
 
I am a divorced mom( age 38) of two kids...ages 11 and 14. I have been divorced since 2002. After which I met a guy ( age 27), we became VERY CLOSE and emailed, phoned..etc..constantly. He went to church and seemed to get long with it ok..although he did have very overbearing parents who were on his case alot telling him he was called to be a minister( which he never believed he was)...so the pressure of that really got to him at times...feeling as though he let his parents down..and he cant be the son they wanted him to be.  He lives in Canada and I live near Pittsburgh PA. At one time we were going to get married. But because of the fact that we live in two different countries...we didnt do anything about it for a long time( basically it was me not knowing if it was the best thing for me and the kids to move up there). SO for 4 years he came here and visited about every other month or so. He talked of loving me...needing me...always being there for me...never leaving me unless I told him to..in fact he often stated " You are stuck with me....I only go away if you tell me to". Well It was pretty intense..with all his talk...and I believed him. Untill a few months ago when he started to not call as much...send me as many emails..etc..and he started hangin around at bars, drinking till he puked, hanging out with bisexuals...going to parties and ...using vulgar language.., saying he wants nothing to do with God or Christianity...etc. I tried to tell him...that isnt HIM...he is acting in ways that is not good and not health and not HIM..He says..he ENJOYS all this behavior and as no desire to change.  SO yesterday he calls me up and tells me that he is no longer interested in a romantic relationship, but that he wants to be my friend. He says it is NOT me..there is nothing wrong with me...that it is him...he has changed....he is not the same person he was 5 years ago. He hates the church and anything to do with it( he is a pastors kid). Oh and he is wiccan and says he enjoys being that way..
 
He was nice to me on the phone...but it still hurts like heck! I have a problem with panic attacks and anxiety so this situation has just made me feel TONS worse :( . I dont know what to do...I feel as though my life is over and I can never be happy again. I feel so lost and alone! I am not on any meds right now. I dont have the money to be on them....because of my condition I cant work...so I have just child support as income. I feel as though God has left me. I have never felt this hurt, abandoned or alone in all my 38 years!
 
Are there any single moms out there who suffer with depression and anxiety?? and if so.,....how do you cope?
 
Please help...anything would be appreciated! God bless you all
 
Dawn

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 5/21/2007 10:07:57 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/21/2007 11:13 AM (GMT -6)   
HI Dawn
Yes I am a single Mom now I asked Hubby to leave as I felt all my ILLNESSES and DISESES were a burden he did not have to shoulder.......not really grasping just how much he loved and supported me

I get along day to day I use my a/p for the good most times trying to laugh at silly things I do and what daughter does
I am a very supportive Mom and a proud one too

Your children have to come first as you have done and for that KUDOS

I believe that there are some things that are not meant to be and maybe this situation / relationship is one of those things .....I am NOT trying to hurt you at all I am just letting you know that one day the right man that you will finally get to meet will come along and be your everything ..........

At the times you feel HE has left you
Remember ......."FOOTPRINTS"
Obviously HE has other plans for you ....
Go with it hun and please if ya need to talk email me okay I am here to listen

LYN
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
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 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


1ofhissheep
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/21/2007 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your encouragement and kind words...:) I am glad someone knows how I feel.
'I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.' ....Walt Witman
 
 
 
"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.".....Galatians 6:2
 
 
 
Diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety/Panic Disorder with underlying Depression. Not currently on any medication. Perfer to try and use natural healing as a way to control these disorders. Do have prescriptions for Zoloft and Klonopin( just in case I become brave enough to try them). :)


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/21/2007 6:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, that certainly sounds like an odd turn of events. I knew several pastors' kids when I was younger and they were all insane party types. I guess if you suppress it long enough an even more bizarre change will happen. Wiccan? I guess maybe I am a little judgmental but that stuff is kind of weird.

So it's probably for the best. I know it hurts, but he's changed and it's not like you'd enjoy his company now. Life closes a window and opens a door...maybe that's the way to look at it? Just be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault and you know that, so don't let that subconscious creep in and mess things up.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/22/2007 5:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes you do have a person that has felt the way you are hun and I want you to know Debaser is RIGHT
YOU did nothing wrong ........at all
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


1ofhissheep
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 5/22/2007 7:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Even if I didnt really do anything wrong...How do I go on?? I built my life around the fact that this guy said he would always be in my life...always love me...always NEED me..etc..etc,,and now nothing. I have been crying for the past 2 days off and on...my head is spinning...I am soo dizzy. How do you just STOP thinking about something that is gone??? And as I said....even if I didnt do anything wrong....maybe if I was a better person he would have LOVED me enough to not get into that kind of lifestyle...so obviously I didnt have what it takes to keep him away from all this garbage. Ohh I dont know...I am sorry to go on and on like this...I just felt like talking and venting what happened to me.
 
How do you know what is Gods will for your life??? I just dont understand.
 
Luv,
Dawn
'I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.' ....Walt Witman
 
 
 
"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.".....Galatians 6:2
 
 
 
Diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety/Panic Disorder with underlying Depression. Not currently on any medication. Perfer to try and use natural healing as a way to control these disorders. Do have prescriptions for Zoloft and Klonopin( just in case I become brave enough to try them). :)


Boomer2uall
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 5/22/2007 2:27 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Dawn.  I am going to be bruatlly honest with you ok?  Sometimes life sucks....plain and simple.  It's the nice people in the world that seem to always get dumped on.  I know this might be hard to do, but try to look on the bright side of things.  Don't listen to any slow songs.  Go out and show the world that you are a good person.  You will be back on your feet lick-ed-dy split.

Boomer2uall

 


Currently taking Paxil 40mg, Clonazapm 3mg, Seroquel 150mg, and Remeron RD 45mg daily.
 
Suffer from depression, generalized anxiety dissorder, and OCD.


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/22/2007 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
1ofhissheep said...
</b> How do you know what is Gods will for your life??? I just dont understand.
[color=#800080></FONT>


[color=#800080>


<FONT color=#800080>Dawn


Well, God gave us free will. Then again, he has a plan. I never know what to make of this, either. I do feel like there's some destiny I'm being drawn toward and I venture to guess a lot of people feel the same thing, but we do have choices along the way.

In this case, the guy sounds like he flipped and switched religions and everything. That's a pretty big change to make, and perhaps it's a signal you're not meant to share a path. It hurts, sure. But would you want him back right now? I don't think you would. You certainly can't force him to be like he was...that would be unrealistic and I'm sure you realize that.

So while it does suck, you can't do anything about it. You'll get better as time passes.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/

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