darn CONSTANT REASSURANCE !!

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sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/22/2007 4:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Totally new to this whole forum thing and I have a huge problem with ocd and of course besides the germaphopia and the constant routines I have stupid thoughts that constantly plague me. I recently fell for this girl at work, blonde hair, blue eyes, big ...well anyway shes beautiful and I love her, everything in the begining so awesome and then of course the ocd kicks in and I start asking people for reassurance of what people think of her of course you always ask friends what they think but I mean I asked  everyone at work,one by one (sneakingly of course) even the girls, and I even wanted to put her pic on hot or not!  as I suspected I had people telling me she's  hot, beautiful, gorgeous  from (good looking people I might add) lol but then of course I got the shes "cute" shes and even a "shes kinda cute" and even though I know she cant be everyones type, and even though it didn't sound that bad to me it means that she isnt good enough. Having ocd Im devastated. Hurt that someone could be thinking less of me I care so much what people think and even "getting good job" hand shakes from people and "props" from people who met her, those couple neagative comments are all I can think of and I mull over them all the time. I can't let this ruin this relationship like its done to others  in the past. This girl means the world to me and she loves everything about me even the stuff I hate about me she likes! I wish I didnt have this stupidity in my head.Its the darn perfectionism and constant reassurance that I need to feel ok with myself otherwise Im depressed,I guess to be fully satisfied I'd need to have a super model girlfriend whom worships me and convince a designer to make stylish rubber gloves,kicker is even if I were dating Angelina Jolie or some other recoginzed beautiful celebrity someone out there would find them unattractive trust me Ive looked it up! thank you for getting this off my chest I really hope Im not alone with this one. any suggestions besides biting all my nails off?

Post Edited (sux2bme) : 5/22/2007 4:01:03 AM (GMT-6)


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/22/2007 9:13 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi there sux2bme..Welcome to HW tongue

Just relax ok...try and take every day as it comes along without too much 'overthinking' or looking for problems..The young lady in question likes you for who you are - now you just have to convince yourself of the same thing :-)

Take good care.

Maree


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Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
 
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sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/22/2007 1:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I just feel like the only one on the planet with this particular problem and I feel so low and selfish, It just hurts is all

andwes
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 728
   Posted 5/23/2007 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Most of us know that all our anxieties, obsessions, etc., etc. are actually ridiculous in and of themselves, but we still remain victims of them.  I have suffered from OCD at various times during my life and still do at times - the ONLY thing I found that helps (sometimes) is to say to myself (whether I believe it or not) "This is RIDICULOUS - you're a smart woman who's letting something totally senseless run your life"  After repeating that time after time, year after year, I've been able in recent years to oftentimes interrupt the compulsion to fulfill some silly OCD behavior.  Behavioral therapy at it's best - but it DOES work after you ingraine it in your brain long enough.  This girl sounds wonderful and when you think about it, YOU'RE the only one who's almost looking for someone to give you a reason to end the relationship - it's like you're going to keep asking until someone says "she's not that great" and that will be your "excuse" to yourself to get out of the relationship - and then be even more depressed of course.  You ARE in control of yourself - tell yourself that frequently enough and you may begin to believe it.  Good luck - and who says you have to have the MOST beautiful girl anyway - I oftentimes look at guys walking around with their "trophy" girlfriends and all I can think is "he's gotta be pretty shallow." 

sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/25/2007 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much I appreciate it! and yeah your right I do tell myself how dumb Im being and yeah its like Im waiting for someone to be mean for some reason thank you so much again

sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/25/2007 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
AND again besides Jessica Alba,who is the most beautiful girl in the world? LOL

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/25/2007 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Nicole Kidman? I know she's a bit older now and has had a little work done, but in her younger days she'd put that Alba to SHAME. I like the thin redheads!

I'm a little confused. Are you saying you can't go out with this girl unless others find her not only attractive, but extremely attractive?
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/26/2007 12:18 PM (GMT -6)   
No no its just that with me If I recieve a subpar comment or whatever needing constant reassurance, I know my girlfriend is beautiful and I know she cant be everyones type ok,that is obvious, I just have a hard time with perfectionism and if I hear something along the lines of I dunno "shes cool but I dont like the way she dresses" or something dumb itll bother me,very stupid I know but thats part of my affliction wanting everyone to approve of my actions,and I know its senseless and ridiculous but my brain is an idiot,its a crappy way to live trust me.

sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/26/2007 12:21 PM (GMT -6)   
sounds like I freaked out there sorry..

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/26/2007 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeah, try to take it easy on yourself. That, among other things, may make it possible to care less about what other people think.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/26/2007 1:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I was the one that looked in the mirror and saw UGLY n FAT I became ocd with it I would go literally days w/o eating but I didnt have Anorexia I was worried about what ppl thought of me

I have now gotten over it I weigh too little now and know it and I really am not too shabby for a 53 yr old ....lol

Our brains can do the weirdest things ....
Welcome aboard BTW
Hope you stick around
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sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/26/2007 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much, yeah my brain sux. lol

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/27/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the little things you say...you seem very negative and hard on yourself. Whether it's followed by an "lol" or whatever doesn't matter. Just because you have OCD doesn't mean you're stupid or anything, okay? I'm willing to bet you're a bright guy and probably have a lot of great qualities. Have you ever gone to talk therapy? Normally I don't suggest that to people but it seems you have a bit of a self-esteem problem.

Your brain doesn't suck. It's just different.
You didn't freak out after my last post. I made a joke and you just responded as if I were serious. No big deal at all. It was cogent and well-mannered...not a "freak out".
You don't need people to tell you how dumb you're being. You know very well what's causing these thoughts and that's why you're here. But, with all due respect, I think you're approaching it the wrong way.
You're not alone, and I doubt your selfish.

I know it's hard, but you're awfully negative. Do try to change that. OCD/Anxiety/Panic...these are difficult to manage in and of themselves...don't make it harder than it already is. "Be kind to yourself." I know that must sound like some new-age neo-hippy drivel, but believe me, I'm not the type. I've just learned through the years that guilt, self-loathing, etc., are very destructive behaviors.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


oakley
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 5/27/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Jesus loves you...and He is our Lord and Savior. Do not fear. Have faith
in Him and you have nothing to fear. I will look forward to chatting again. Oakley

sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/28/2007 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks alot guys I appreciate all your feedback and I know Ill try tp be more calm I guess I feel bad because I dont want to ruin what I have with this girl and I wont,but of course I feel a little down when I start thinking negatively but Im trying to tell myself to stop,anyway thank you

sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/28/2007 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
and by the way debaser, cogent..awesome word! ( ;

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/28/2007 1:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, cogent as in to the point and pertinent. Not in terms of believable, though. You're not dumb and there's nothing wrong with you, even if you say things that suggest otherwise. Take it easy on yourself, buddy. Reduce the pressure.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


sux2bme
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/29/2007 3:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks again debaser,I appreciate it bro,and I wish you well too. 
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