SOMETHING FUNNY!

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Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 5/23/2007 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
A friend sent me this e-mail.  I hope it puts a smile on everyone's face.  Enjoy!!! :-)
 
 
CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN COULD YOU AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE about TO BREAK

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS HE SAYS.

DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS...............................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY about HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/24/2007 8:01 AM (GMT -6)   
OMG
THanks so much I am laughing so hard tears are running down my face
Thanks for sharing and for starting this thread
Laughter is a great combat tool against A/P
You are an asset to the forum sunshine

Stay with us for sure lol
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
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 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 5/24/2007 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lyn.  Glad you liked it. 
 
Thanks for you kind words!!!

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/24/2007 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
NO problem share some more every time I read this just about piddle me pants lol

Be well
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/25/2007 4:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sure I prolly told this one before but I love it

Cait was about 5 or 6 and I was in a flare from Crohns and PG well she decided she would make Mommy a cup of tea

The first one had floaters and she got all upset .....I thought perhaps a hole in tea bag

Second cup dang same thing

I turned to her and calmed her down and then asked how she made my tea
"Hands On hips" with the "MOM I am not stupid look" she just

Comes out and says I ripped the tea bag open
How else ya suppose to make it huh

Oh I love that kid
Sometimes I wish she was back at that age ya know...........TEENS...gotta love em
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 5/25/2007 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Ahhh, that is to cute and very FUNNY!!!   I love to hear when kids have that kind of reaction.  How sweet of her to think of doing such a thoughtful thing at that young age.  She sounds like a complete sweetheart. 
 
 
Thanks for sharing that.  It made my morning!!!
 
Take care Lyn
 
 
"Take life one minute at a time!"

Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 5/29/2007 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Here I go again.  This is one of my FAVORITES!  I hope you like it.  :-)

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well." The Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator.....


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/29/2007 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Belly Laughs, how funny............thanks for the humor.  Every day should have humor.

Wish I could post IMGs here as I have some funny ones. Iknow pictures take up a lot of space.

Thanks again both of you for the laughs. I am loving it here.


 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Post Edited (stkitt) : 6/7/2007 8:44:53 PM (GMT-6)


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 5/30/2007 1:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kitt.  I am glad you enjoyed it!  You are right, we need some humor everyday!
 
Take care,
Mary

Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 6/7/2007 6:09 PM (GMT -6)   
HERE'S ANOTHER JOKE THAT I CAME ACROSS.   I HOPE IT PUTS MORE SMILES OUT THERE!!! 
 


I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:

"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them

"No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/7/2007 7:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks my ray of Sunshine
After the day I have had today and the one that is coming tomorrow ( tests and TX's )
I REALLY needed these laughs

Luvs ya sunshine

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 6/7/2007 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Sweet Lyn,
 
I am so glad you got a chuckle out of it.  Sorry the day wasn't better for you.  Sounds like you have a trying day ahead of you tomorrow.
 
You are such an inspiration to all of us!    Your in my thoughts and prayers.  Hope everything works out for you!
 
Love ya back,
Mary

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/7/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks sweet Mary

I need all the prayers I can get ........
Love ya my sunshine

TTYL

If you have msn or yahoo add me all info is at the side under my name kk
I will be doing threads early like about 5 or so but not many .............
Cait is now just getting in door from her field trip to Niagara Falls .......
Will talk later k
Be well
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

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