I Am a Complete and Total Moron

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debaser
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/4/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Today I was supposed to move. The moving guys were going to be here between 11am and 1pm to pick up my stuff and get it to storage. I made that deal on Friday and had all weekend to pack. I decided to wait until Sunday to do it, which would've been plenty of time.

But I didn't. For some reason I kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. I was up all night and up early this morning. Now, of course, I feel like crap just from not sleeping. Anxiety is trying to creep in. I've rescheduled the movers until tomorrow, but now I truly don't feel up to it. Several nights in a row with bad sleep. Not because I couldn't sleep, but because I just didn't want to sleep. Ridiculous.

I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself. Yesterday I felt fine and probably could've had the work done in four hours. Today it's going to take me eight just because I'm so physically exhausted.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/4/2007 11:49 AM (GMT -6)   

Hey D,

Please don't be so hard on yourself.  Leave yesterday in the psat and just get the job done............just do it.  If it takes longer, well then it does.

Perhaps you did not do it because it is a change in your life and change is scary. You will do well with the training and the move.............so my friend, today you pack.

((((((((HUGS))))))))  I would help but  by the time I drove there you will be done..............oh yeah and I think your in Texas right..............?

Take care of you.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/4/2007 12:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Debaser
I think you arew also being too hard on self and with all that is coming with your moving and all it is only natural at times to stop "In tracks" and not want to go forward for some reason

I dont think you are alone with this

Please let up on yourself you have made bounds and bounds of GREAT and POSITIVE steps this last while

Dont let this get to you

Take care my friend

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
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   LYN                               
                          
                                  


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/4/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Yesterday I was just lazy. I don't have a big problem with that. It's the staying up all night that I have a problem with. Lack of sleep always causes sky-high anxiety levels for me, and I'm all messed up right now. It's not a panic attack, yet, but the anxiety is manifesting physically.

I'm not nervous about the moving...it's just today and the sleep. I feel like the walking dead, and I'm one of these people that can't sleep in the daytime. If I were to do that I'd get up feeling like crap. That's almost guaranteed. As of right now I feel like I have the flu, plus I'm really nervous. I feel feverish, my hands are shaking, I have no appetite, body hurts, digestive processes are screwy, etc.

I guess I'll just go to sleep really early tonight. Like at five or six o'clock. Then wake up and get it done. Together with the Klonopin, what can I use to get to sleep? I have some expired sleeping pills, nyquil, and dramamine.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/4/2007 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Just to be safe I would not take the expired SP but the Dramamine should be okay with it

I hope you rest well my friend
Tomorrow is another day you are so right

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/4/2007 3:03 PM (GMT -6)   
"I guess I'll just go to sleep really early tonight. Like at five or six o'clock. Then wake up and get it done. Together with the Klonopin, what can I use to get to sleep? I have some expired sleeping pills, nyquil, and dramamine."

I'm surprised I haven't been inundated with warnings about this. Since I'm a little med-phobic and all, I was kind of hoping for some guidance there. Maybe I was a little too passive aggressive, though, huh? Okay, but I know there are some RN's out there.

You can't give medical advice. I realize that and wouldn't ask for it. But if you were in my situation what you do? Whatever you would do will be good enough for me, I'm sure. If you said you'd take the dramamine, I'd probably take half of one, mind you. What I'm trying to figure out is what will be the least sedating combined with a benzo. I don't want to sleep for 14 hours and wake up feeling bad and with little time to pack. 6-8 hours is what I'm hoping for. If I can be asleep by six o'clock and wake at 2am, that would be about perfect.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/4/2007 5:45 PM (GMT -6)   
D,
You sound a bit like me...I am a procrastinator to a degree myself...AND I am lazy somewhat, but I try not to "practice" laziness as in it's like the difference between being a sinner and a practicer of sin! LOL!!! We ALL sin, but we shouldn't practice it, huh?! HEEHEEHEE!!!!
Well, we're rooting for ya! GO, D, GO!!!
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/4/2007 9:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, I'm not being lazy now, that's for sure. But either my anxiety is through the roof or there's something wrong with my stomach. It just doesn't feel right. May have something to do with the lack of sleep, although I don't feel particularly tired right now. I just can't get a clear head.

I'd normally blog this sort of thing, but I've already made enough repetitive moving entries over there to bore everyone in the entire blogging world. So I'm going to vent here if nobody minds.

I've got the kitchen and bathroom done. Amazingly, everything except the microwave fits into one single box. It's a pretty large box, but still. When I said I lived in a shoebox, I wasn't kidding. So, anyway, I have two rooms left. One is the bedroom, and I can't anticipate that being all that difficult. It's mostly clothes. I'm leaving all my music stuff behind with my friend and will come get all that later. That leaves only clothes, and the boxes in the closet. That closet is my only closet and it's absolutely packed. Most of the boxes weren't even opened when I moved here so I guess it won't be that hard. I'll just seal and stack them. But it's more work than it sounds. The hard part is the living room. There's an entertainment center and a computer. Some of the computer stuff they'll move and some they won't. Either way, I have to sort it all out and there are a MILLION things connected to it. And I definitely want them to move the desk it sits on. Or you know what? I may leave the thing here and just get a new one in Dallas. But the entertainment center goes, and that's daunting. And there's just a million little things, you know?

I've put in two hours of work on what I thought would be a four hour job. This is going to go deep into the night and I haven't had much sleep. I should've stuck to my plan above. Sleep, then wake up in the middle of the night to do all this. It's too late now. I don't feel well and I almost want to cry. And I NEVER cry.

Nobody has to respond to this. It's just me venting, that's all.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


happypills
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/4/2007 10:33 PM (GMT -6)   
dude don't cry, I'll have to fly down to Austin and slap you silly.
 
we moved about six months ago.  it was pure hell.  at least you don't have 2 kids.  can you imagine the amount of toys and clothes 2 kids have?  let's not forget the furniture, the tv, the armoire, the beds, the office furniture, etc., etc. etc.  moving sucks, nobody likes it.  you'll get through it and before you know it, you'll be settled in dallas and you're life will go back to it's normal routine, whatever that will be. 
 
 
later.
"Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be alright." - Bob Marley


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/4/2007 11:29 PM (GMT -6)   
haha. Nah, I won't cry. Like I said, I NEVER cry.

You're right, though. I don't have two kids (that I'm aware of). I'm ridding myself of most of my furniture....some of it still harkens back to my beatnik hipster college days. Time to let that stuff go. I have no Armoire and I never will. I do have a TV/Entertainment Center (that's not really all that entertaining) that I SUCCESSFULLY dismantled and packed. My computer is still here and it will be until after the movers have taken my stuff to storage. I'm taking it with me to my "undisclosed location", and plus I'd die without music to help me get through this. But, anyway, all the non-neccesary components are unattached, sorted, and packed. I basically have 1.15 rooms left (how's that for an estimate?).

The only reason I'm hiring movers is because I have two pieces of furniture that I paid way too much money for in a boutique shop. It's all ultra-modern space age bachelor pad kind of stuff. I live in a third floor walk-up so I do not trust myself to move it myself even with help. There are too many twists and turns going down the stairs. Let the insured movers take it. I know they're going to mess it up, but I went with the best company in town and they have a great reputation for making things right.

So, anyway, significant progress is being made. I'm not rushing it and I should still be done by 2am with the movers coming at noon tomorrow. I should have EXTRA time tomorrow. Most excellent.

It's funny how a mood can turn around, huh?
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 3:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes, Debaser, it is funny how a mood can turn around. When it's three in the morning and you're still only halfway done with the last room because you made it a lot harder than it had to be, yeah, the mood can turn around. Way to go.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


jaslynology
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 6/5/2007 7:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Debaser.
When I read the replies and your post, I have the urge to fly all the way to Texas to help you with moving your stuff and getting them packed! haha. Unfortunately, I can't. Anyway, I hope you'll be able to get things done soon in a good mood. (:
I'm very glad to have you giving me all those advice. Thanks a lot.

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 9:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey. Yeah, it's okay. I actually worked until four o'clock so I'm done. It's nothing I could've had any help with...a lof of personal decisions: do I want to keep this? Do I want to keep that? Every time I move I throw out or give away stuff that I regret, and end up keeping things I should've gotten rid of. So I'm trying to be more careful about that this time.

Thanks for the support.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


jaslynology
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 6/5/2007 9:47 AM (GMT -6)   
No worries. (: You were there when I needed some support too. hehe.
Those were the things that went through my mind when I move house. Actually, I go through that even when packing stuff when cleaning the house. It's a horrible feeling to me. I feel so messed up. haha.
Glad that you're done with them. (:

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Well I have a lot of cleaning to do, but I'm waiting for the movers to get some of this stuff out of here first. The cleaning isn't that bad to me. Kind of a pain in the ass, but not a big deal like getting everything boxed up is. And I still have to move some stuff to my car, but I'll have help with that.

Sometime this afternoon I also have to deal with the post office and mail forwarding and all that. HUGE lines. Normally you can just drop a request in the mailbox, but I have a question, so...

I got less than four hours of sleep so I'm still exhausted and anxious. Tonight I will get a good night's rest, though...guaranteed. I'm looking forward to that. It's been a while.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Howlyncat said...
Just to be safe I would not take the expired SP but the Dramamine should be okay with it

I hope you rest well my friend
Tomorrow is another day you are so right

LYN


Somehow I never saw that post. That's how tired I am/was, I guess.

Let's say tonight I take my normal dose of Klonopin at 8, and then an hour later I take a dramamine. I metabolize stuff slowly, so I'm guessing it would all take effect around 10:30 or 11. Do you think it would knock me out for 12 hours? Or should I just rely on my natural tiredness and the K?
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


happypills
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   

I can't help cracking up when I read about your moving drama.  don't mean to offend but you trip me out!

you said you were gonna be "incommunicado" (sp?) for about 2 weeks.  ahh, what are we gonna do without you!  tongue


"Don't worry about a thing, 'cos every little thing's gonna be alright." - Bob Marley


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:44 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know, but you're probably be better off!

This time I'm going to be incommunicado for a day or two. When I make the final move to Dallas, it could be a week or maybe two before I get the internets up and running. I don't anticipate being able to post much for the next month or more, though.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/5/2007 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey D,

Howdy and I have to say this to make you smile.  You said "undisclosed location",  Are you in the witness protection program?  lol.

Regarding the drug question, What is your dose of Klonopin and Dramine?

Also are you sleeping on the floor tonight?

Let me hear from you and I will comment my personal opinion on the meds.

Your friend.................((((((((((HUGs))))))))


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 12:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. No that's just making fun of Dick Cheney. I'm going to live with my dad for a few weeks while I train to take over part of the family business. It's not the mafia!

Klonopin .5mg bid
Dramamine...this is OTC stuff, of course. They're 50 mg tablets, store brand. Dramamine I...not the newer kind that's not supposed to make you drowsy.

So, yeah, most of my stuff is going into storage while I'm at my dad's, which will be tonight. After I'm done with my crash course, I'll come back to Austin, get my stuff, and head to Dallas. I grew up there and have many more friends and family in the area, so I think I'll be happier there. I can't say I won't miss Austin, though. If you ever have a chance to live here, take it. It's a fairly sizable city (~700,000, 1,000,000+ metro) but it seems like a small town if you don't live out in the sprawl.

Just waiting on the movers now...time is going by very, very, very slowly.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 4:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, the movers have come and gone. All that's left is to pack up what I'm taking with me, clean up a little, then leave. So I'll be out of pocket for a couple of days, and probably won't post much for the next month or so. Bet some of you are glad to hear that!

I wish everyone the best. Godspeed to ya.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/5/2007 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey D,

We will miss you. I would take the Klonopin and the Dramanine together but that is my opinion...............I would prefer Benadryl to Dramanie. Again that is my opinion.

Glad to hear your not sleeping on floor. Say hi to the Don for me.

Hugs

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


freezinginAK
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 6/5/2007 5:45 PM (GMT -6)   

  Hay D you have a safe trip now and will see you when you get back online

  Cowboy up


   Forum Moderator A/P
 
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
 
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debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 6/5/2007 11:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. Well, I'm STILL in Austin.

Shortly after I made my last post, my friend (the one who's subletting my place) came over and we hung out for a while and then went to eat. And, of course, I have eating anxiety. It was an inoffensive meal: just a small turkey sub from Quizno's. Nevertheless, by the time we got back here my stomach was bloated and I was feeling ill. I guess it had something to do with being so physically exhausted. Blah. So then he leaves to go hang out with another friend and I was supposed to be finishing up here.

It couldn't have been ten minutes before I had fallen asleep right here at this very chair again. The last thing I can remember was that my stomach was feeling a little better and I was going to get up and finish it off, but a wave of incredible sleepiness came over me. Nearest I can tell, I slept somewhere between three and four hours. He called a little bit ago and woke me, expecting to have the apartment ready. I feel kind of rotten about that. He's on the second day of a new job and was supposed to have moved in the day before he started. My "eccentricities" have prevented it.

This is gross, but since I woke up I've been spitting out mucous almost constantly. What for? Dust? I don't know, but it sure is disgusting.

So I'm going to wake up in the morning and get the rest done, give him his keys during lunch hour, and THEN get out of town.

hahaha What a ridiculous series of events.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


jaslynology
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hola Debaser! (:
Hope you'll get some good rest. (: We will really miss you a lot when you move to Dallas [that's the place, right?]. Hope you'll join us again online asap!! Haha.
Take care!!
 
lots of love,
Jaslyn
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