Had a fight with agoraphobia and I won...(LONG)

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TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 6/16/2007 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, under most cicrcumstances, I should be happy that I won this battle.  I am in some ways, but in other ways, I am so upset.  The reason I am upset is because of the reason I had to fight the agoraphobia in the first place!  I apologize this will be long, so get something to drink, and relax!  I want you all to hear my story.  cool
 
As many of you know, I have a 7 year old son.  He is from my ex.  Now, my ex and I were married, and actually, are still legally married, but have been separated for almost 4 years.  (That is another story, for another day... tongue )  Anyway, my ex doesn't take our son very often, because he has a new girlfriend who my son HATES, and she doesn't like him much either.  My ex was mean to my son and neglected my son anytime the 3 of them were together, so my son started to hate this girl.  And this girl would laugh at my son when my ex yelled at him.  It is a bad situation.  So, my son and ex came to the agreemement that when they were together, the girlfriend couldn't be there.  So, now, instead of his father taking him every other weekend, and one week day every week...like he was doing...he only takes him every Friday.  He takes him on this day because they are in a  bowling league together. 
 
Lastnight, like every Friday, my ex picked him up around 6 p.m. and they were off.  Well, my son called me complaining that the girlfriend was there, and he was upset.  So, I went to the bowling alley...not sure yet where I found that courage, but I found it, and I talked to my son.  So, my ex asked me what I was doing up there.  I told him that I wanted to check on our son who wasn't sounding too happy.  My ex instantly started yelling at me.  It was a messy, messy picture.  My anxiety was FLARING.  I felt very shaky, and I was heading straight for a panic attack.  Long story short, I begged him to not fight with me.  He yelled in my face in front of our son to "S" his "D".  (figure it out.)  mad    With that, I decided that my son was leaving with me, and RIGHT NOW.  Plus, I could smell the alcohol on his breath.  So, my son and I were holding hands, and my ex came up and grabbed his arm.   nono   My son started crying...and I started screaming..."Let him go."  He pulled and pulled, so I put my arms around my sons waste and finally he let go. 
 
My son and I proceeded to the parking lot.  Soon after we got out there, who was chasing us?  My ex.  He came out yelling and screaming at us both.  I told him to save his anger for court.  He again yelled for me to "S" his "D" in court.  LOL. Been there, done that, right?  Ha ha.  tongue
 
Anyway, my son was shaken up pretty bad, as was I.  We ran to the car, and I peeled off.  Somehow I managed to safetly get us home.  IT was like my sons happiness overpowered my anxiety, panic AND agoraphobia!  I was proud, yet angry at the same time.  mad :-)  
 
Well, when I got home, my bf and I thought of the idea to make a police report.  I called the police station and they said yes, with an upcoming divorce, this would be a good idea.  Fighting the agoraphobia again, I made my way to the police station.  I was there about an hour.  I started to panic around 3 different times, but I handled it pretty well. 
 
So, the bottom line is, for reasons that SUCK, I did fight the agoraphobia, and won.  Worst thing is, I was totally on the verge of having a great day yesterday!  My ex ruined it...cuz my night wasn't so great!  sad
 
Well, for anyone who stayed with me through this, thank you!  I appriciate you reading it.  I know it was long, and I apologize for that!  I just had to let you guys know all this. 
 
Hope everyone is having a great day!
yeah   yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/16/2007 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
  YOU KNOW I gotta do the Dance with ya on this one eh yeah
 
    yeah       yeah     yeah     yeah       yeah      yeah       yeah     tongue      yeah      yeah      yeah     yeah      yeah     yeah
 
 I am so bleeding PROUD of you yes you did it and yes it was because firstly your son needing you BUT once you got to get out of that 'comfy" zone and fight for him and YOU you were a TIGER and I really am so pleased with the way you handled it
 
Your EX should never say things like that around yours and his son it not only demeans you but will show your son its OK to talk to Mom like that   nono
 
 YOU did fantastic and I am so glad you got home safely and no major panic to report
YOU went out on LOVE( for sure) and Adrenaline I believe
 
YOU GO MOM
*** Dont Mess with Da Mom's *** nono
Again so proud sweetie so proud
 
Keep up the fantabulous work
Nothing makes me stronger or more capable of doing ANYTHING when it come to My Cait and the loved ones in my life
I will protect to the fullest  as you did ...........
 
 
** this is great for recovery process and helping others see what you have accomplished sweetie thanks for sharing**
 
 
 
 
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Take my Hand ...I will WALK with you
 
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LYN    
                                  


harry4
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 6/16/2007 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   

am glad you did well but I think we should all stand up to our agoraphobia and confront it, but dont tense your muscles, grit your teeth and fight back

much better to use CBT coping skills against it and float thru it

you would have been distracted from your agoraphobia by what had happened so something like this may not be as easy again

 a concealed tape recorder would have been useful to record the ex and give it to your lawyer

also the agoraphobia may be held against you re custody so a special effort with valium and CBT will help


recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam


TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 6/16/2007 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Harry for your answer! Unfortunelty, I didn't know things were going to get bad, so I didn't have a tape recorder handy...I did though make the poice report!

My ex isn't going to be able to use my agorapobia against me, because he doesn't know it exists...it is something new to me, and something I am fighting with every thing I have to make better! I am not going to let it become an issue in custody battle.

I do appriciate you taking the time to respond to me!

THANKS!

TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 6/16/2007 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh and Lyn, thank you too for the praise! I didn't even notice you had responded til after I already read Harry's message! THANKS!

jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 6/16/2007 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
you did great it was a very hard thing to deal with. and you stood your ground and went head first into it. showing just how strong you are.
I am bipolar, have social anxiety, panic attacks w/agoraphobia , diabetes, asthma and high blood pressure. Life is short but i am not.


myles
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/16/2007 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU TAMMY! WHAT YOU DID IS CALLED BEING A GREAT MOTHER. I KNEW YOU WERE. dONT DWELL ON THIS INCIDENT. JUST LOVE YOUR CHILD AND BF AND PUT THIS BEHIND YOU TILL COURT. LIFE THROWS US ALL A CURVE EVERY NOW AND THEN. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE. YOU CAN GIVE YOUR SON SO MUCH LOVE THAT THE SEPERATION FROM HIS FATHER WONT BE SO BAD. HE NEEDS YOU RIGHT NOW. TURN THIS NEGATIVE INCIDENT INTO A POSITVE FOR HIM. HE DOES NOT NEED TO DWELL ON WHAT HAPPENED.FIND TIME FOR LAUGHTER. IT WILL BE GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. HIT ME UP IF I CAN HELP...... MYLES

TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 6/16/2007 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Jersey...thanks for the vote of confidence in me! You are always there giving me such confidence, and I love that about you!

Myles...Your posts are always amazing too! I always smile. And you made me feel happy with this one...Thanks!

Thanks everyone!!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/16/2007 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Tammy,

You go girlfriend…………..I am proud of you too. You can’t keep a good woman down. Yehhaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I had an ex many years ago and there were times when he tried to push me over the edge but I refused to let what he said and did make me feel guilty.

You are definitely a winner today and feel good about it. I don’t believe that many of us carry around tape recorders in anticipation of needing one .

Keep on doing what your doing and we are here for you.

Big Hugs !


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/17/2007 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you are awesome sweetie and nope I dont think many do carry tape recorders ..............

YOU are beating this so far and we both know it by our talks right so keep on keeping on and hug that son of yours for me
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
Take my Hand ...I will WALK with you
 
When the GOING gets TOUGH..The TOUGH get GOING 
 
 God Bless All
 
LYN    
                                  


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 6/17/2007 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tammy,
 
Sorry to hear you are going thru this with your ex. 
 
However, you took a stand and should be very proud of yourself!  You are a wonderful and loving mother and will do anything for your son!  Agoraphobia could not get in your way of this.  You are a very strong woman!  I pray everything works out for you dear.
 
Hugs,
Mary

TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 6/17/2007 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mary! Just wanted to say thank you for your kind words! They mean a lot to me! I am feeling more confident now than ever. I hate what happened to me and my son the other night, but in some ways, I am feeling grateful for it too. I feel it made me stronger. I will have an upcoming post on that soon!

Thank you as always for your kind words!!!

Tammy

Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 6/17/2007 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Your very welcome sweetie!
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