I was supposed to leave this past Monday for a trip I'd been planning for months. For at least a month prior I had been having feelings of anxiety about going. My appetite went away, I lost 8 pounds. Anything I did manage to eat went right through me. I have what I call "selective agoraphobia" - if I am traveling outside a distance reachable from home by driving then the selective agoraphobia kicks in. If it's some place that's a short drive from home, I'm usually OK. Thing is, I've traveled HUNDREDS of times before and have always been a nervous traveler, but always overcame it with calming self-talk. This time there was nothing I could do to talk myself into taking this trip and I came up with an outrageous, bold faced lie to the person I was supposed to be traveling with to get out of going on the trip. The guilt is overwhelming - my travel partner CRIED hysterically (because of the reason I came up with for not being able to go). If I know what is wrong with me, WHY isn't my mind strong enough to overcome it, ya know???
I went to my primary care doctor and explained what was going on, she told me I need to see a behavioral therapist for my problem ASAP. I've made an appointment, I'm just not sure what can be said or done, other than to be told I have to face my problem head on, that that's the only thing that will put me on the path to recovery.
To look at me, people see an outgoing person who enjoys life. NO ONE sees the fear that lives on the inside :(