Post Edited (happypills) : 6/21/2007 4:45:05 PM (GMT-6)
I think I had a pretty good childhood, we moved alot from my Dad being in the Air Force but later he went into sells, and as I grow up I feel like I had a pretty good life and spent a lot of time on my own in the woods and loved it, hunt and fishing all the time and racing motorcycles, 4 wheeling and the like and my Dad taught me how to live off the land and be very independent. Later joined the Army and deployed in south American and let put it this way I did my job as a Ranger. but I later started in autobody but was not afraid of a fight till I got overexposed to paint fumes as a painter and became sick from it and have been fighting this and other medical things as well, but I'm really feel like I'm beating this anxiety and now working on some off my other problems and feel in someway I'm winning but the going is tuff but I'm still not giving up.
Ah a subject I have spent time talking thru with my therapist.
I had the "not so nice" stepmother who was verbally abusive to me so I know now that "my core values" set in my younger years certainly affected my feelings about myself as an adult.
I always had a fair amount of anxiety and panic due to my believes that I was stupid, a pig etc that my stepmother told me so it was a case of low self esteem that led to feeling anxious or panicky about being good enough.
I have now learned that she was wrong and I am a good person, not stupid, don't need to feel anxious and panic because I am a screw up but that I was basically a daughter without a "mother". My real Mother was killed in car accident when I was 18 months old.
Hope this helps answer your question.
Post Edited (happypills) : 6/22/2007 12:21:40 PM (GMT-6)
I've already replied to this but I have more to say. I was extremely rebellious when I hit about 14, my Dad and I used to argue ALL THE TIME. (We have a great relationship now) But I was always referred to in conversations amongst my family members as the "wild one" I became pregnant at 16 and was forced (by my Dad) to move out. My Mom was and still is 100% supportive of me, and my Dad is now also (I think he feels a lot of guilt now for reacting so harshly) but anyway everyone in my family (really high achievers) always made comments about how bright I was and what an amazing future I "would have had" if I hadn't decided to become a parent so young. Since then I have spent my life trying to "prove to everyone" (but mainly to myself) that I will still accomplish everything any of them have and still be a fabulous mother. My son is almost 13 now and he is an amazing young man... no one in my family could imagine life without him. My Dad actually thanked me a few years ago for not listening to him!!! I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself and never feel completely fulfilled in anything that I do because it's just not good enough. So tell me where do u think my anxiety comes from???
I read your entire story. WOW! You really had it tough growing up! Yet you appear to be such a compassionate and loving person. Not bitter at all. You care about your son so much and will do anything to protect him. To me, that is a sign of strength and selflessness.
I hope that you can find the help that you need to overcome your anxiety and hypochondria. I know it's hard, especially with hypochondria. Sometimes I feel that I will never be completely cured of it. I just need to find a way to cope with it the best I can. I hope that your appointment to see the doctor will go well and that they will not find anything wrong with you physically. Then you can be on your way to healing, mentally.
BTW: I come from a big family also. I have 7 brothers and sisters. I am the youngest.
Wish you all the best....