I'm back... and not doing so well....

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 6/26/2007 12:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I really feel bad that I seem to use this forum to vent when I need to- at times when I am feeling ok, I seem to avoid the board- unfortunately it's a very strong reminder of my "low" times.... (weird- there are certain foods, like sherbert, that remind me of my "low" times and I can barely look at them when I am feeling ok). 
Anyway, it felt good to jump back on here and see familiar names and read about successes... also very sorry to hear about those of you that are going through tough times- Lyn, I hope this post finds you doing better- you are such a special person and deserve some relief from all of this!!
Well, here I am at 1:30 am and completely revved up (in fact, I just got back from the pharmacy to pick up my Zoloft- had weaned down again, and was off of it for about a week- but definitely need it again!!) It seems everytime I feel like I am on the uphill, something happens to knock me down again!! (As my husband reminds me, that is what life is all about- but why does this always happen like this!!??)
My 19 year old daughter revealed recently that she likes both men and women.  I consider myself a very open-minded person and have tried very hard to be as accepting as I can, once I got over the initial shock (although I can't say it was a complete shock- there were subtle signs lately).  She is home from college for the summer- and has now taken an interest in the girl across the street, who is also home from college.  I am very fond of the family across the street- but, to be honest, I feel like her relationship is now constantly in my face- and though we both seem to be avoiding the issue, it is very much in front of me! I love my daughter and always will- I just need some time to adjust to this situation. So much to absorb and so much to confront- like when to answer honestly when others ask, "Does she have a boyfriend?"  She is the type of child that always want to do the right thing and to not disappoint me, so I don't want her to feel that I do not love her because of this.  Yet, to be honest, I can't wait until the summer is over and she goes back to college. 
I hope I have not offended anyone on this board- I have always been very tolerant and open-minded- it's just that this has hit home and I have to face the fact that the reality is not the expectation. 
I have spent the night vomiting- and I don't want to get myself sick over all of this- I've come too far to let myself slip all the way down again.  But I just can't relax and be "myself" right now...I am telling myself all the right things- even anticipating some of the responses from this board, but this is a very tough one for me! I remember last summer hitting bottom when my husband detoxed at home from a fentanyl patch- between E.R. visits and being up all night with him, I was a mess! I was so looking forward to this summer when I expected that things would be status quo (even though he is still working a temp job, and I am not happy at my new job).  But, once again, I find myself in the throngs of panic and anxiety...Before you know it, it will be morning and I will have to go to work and try to function normally...
Thanks for letting me vent!!

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 6/26/2007 5:08 AM (GMT -6)   
hey there! I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it all.
What you were saying about things reminding you of the low times like Sherbert - i can TOTALLY relate. If there is a CD or something i heard when i was low, i never listen to the CD again, to the point of it getting ridiculous.
As for your daughter's sexuality, i think it's brave of you to be so accepting, and i'm sure she appriciates your reaction more then you will ever know. I am actually a 19 year old male and i am also bisexual. I think if you sat down with your daughter and just said "you know, look i'm ok with it, i just need a little time to adjust" and maybe asked her to be a bit more delicate around you for a while and not do it under your nose so much. I know if my parents asked me the same in a civil and understanding manner, i would be more then happy to ease off around the house a little. It is a very very hard thing for anyone to come to terms with, from the person it effects, to their friends and family, and no one is asking you to just snap your fingers and be ok with it. Just take your time and be honest with your daughter, if you need time then you need time, she really will understand. She has had all her life to get used to this, you have had a couple of months/years.
I can feel myself blabering on so i will shut up now, but i hope something in all that helped even a little bit.
take care

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 6/26/2007 7:20 AM (GMT -6)   

Oh, boxcastle, you don't know how much your post helped me!! Ironically, since I could not sleep last night, and was in a major state of anxiety, I went into my daughter (who seemed to be having trouble sleeping too) and told her that she is just going to have to bear with me as I walk this road of acceptance.  I wanted her to know that I am working on it, but it will take time. I did say that it is hard for me with her having a relationship with a neighbor, as it is in my face all the time, but that doesn't mean I don't want her to have this relationship if it makes her happy. I also told her that I will always love her- as long as she makes wise decisions in her life (and I guess even when she doesn't)- I know this is not something that she had a choice about- (by wise decisions, I meant things like driving drunk, etc.).  We had a very good conversation, but I woke up this morning with that gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach- hopefully time will help...

I do have one question for you though- but it is a rather personal one- so if you don't feel comfortable answering, that's ok (or if you'd rather e-mail me, that's ok too)- I have heard people say that there is really no such thing as bisexual- in fact, one friend felt that by saying she is bisexual, my daughter is just easing me into the fact that she is a ***- but my daughter seems confused by what she really wants, and still says she is bisexual, and feels she could go either way with a mate.  Sorry- but this is all so new to me- am just wondering about this...

Again, thank you, boxcastle!


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/26/2007 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear a.l.

Good Morning, I am Kitt and I think this is the first time we have met.

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time.  I think your restarting the Zoloft is a extrememly wise choice.   Please remember it is ok to use meds as I have been on antidepressant for 24 years. 

Sexual orientation falls along a continuum and individuals who are attracted to both men and women are said to be bisexual. From different articles I have read no one knows what causes heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality.

I believe  that it is not uncommon for college students to experiment with their sexual orientation.

Learning that your daughter is bisexual can be a difficult discovery. It can send you on an emotional roller coaster ride. You may feel like you have lost her. Remember that she is the same daughter that you loved before she came out to you – she has just shared another part of herself with you. Feelings of grief, guilt, disappointment and denial are natural given some of our society's attitudes towards gender variance. However, you owe it to your daughter – and yourself – to move towards acceptance and understanding. Whatever your reaction, reassure the person that they still have your love.

It is very obvious that you love her or you would not be concerned at all. 

I can understand that the neighbor situation is difficult, and I am sending you hugs to help you find a way to put some happiness into your summer.
I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Post Edited (stkitt) : 6/26/2007 7:57:21 AM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/27/2007 6:41 AM (GMT -6)   
HI hun
Sorry about what all has and is going on but you got great advice from Boxcastle
speaking from the heart and with the knowlege of personal experience

I would just be the great mom you are and do really re read boxcastles post

I am also thinking Kitt has some great input too

WE are always here if you only come to vent thats fine too okay
Email me if you would like to talk

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 6/28/2007 6:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks soooooooooooooo much Kitt and Lyn for your care and understanding!! That is something I can always count on finding on this board.
Well, I've come to the realization now that I have to disassociate myself somewhat from the situation with the neighbor, and I am just starting to process this revelation of my daughter's sexuality. She is with the neighbor every night now, and I find that I just have to focus on something else to keep calm. Little by little, I will be able to let all of this in and to accept it.
Yes, I have been told that it is not unusual for college students to experiment, but I think that you must have some kind of orientation toward the same sex in order to be interested in that type of experimentation (I am not being judgmental, just curious...)
Ironically, the neighbor's mother, who I am somewhat friendly with, had offered to take me to a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of ***s and Gays) meeting before the relationship started between our daughters (her daughter has been openly gay for 4 years). Now that this relationship exists, I feel very awkward going with her because I don't want to offend her or her daughter by anything that I might say. It's just such a touchy situation with this girl living across the street...
Anyway, how are you feeling Lyn? How was Cait's graduation? Valedictorian- wow!!!! She certainly is a special kid!!!

Thanks, again, all!!
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