Its been a few months since i've posted last. I was a frequent poster last winter when my panic and GAD symptoms first hit. Things had gotten a lot better, I was and still am seeing a behavioral therapist. I was getting really good at doing exposure therapy. I even stopped taking my Xanax for 2 months!! I was sleeping over at friends houses, going out on the town, and just doing things that I forgot I could even do! The anxiety was still there and I got overwhelmed sometimes, but things were getting much better.
---But recently, one of my best friends (one who knew about my anxiety/panic, and helped me do exposure therapy) moved away. On top of that, I learned a former fraternity member of mine back in college committed suicide. Also, I'm 22 and about to move out of my parents house after being back for a year.
---All of these factors have brought back my anxiety and sometimes panic full force. When I think about my friend that committed suicide I get really anxious and panicky because I think to myself "what pushed him to that?" ... "could my anxiety/panic ever push me to that!?!?" And then I get nervous that since I am thinking about suicide, that I am suicidal. But I am sure that is do to us anxiety people imagining the worst. Its just really scary. I mean...I am so petrified of death that I could NEVER take my own life.
---Exposure therapy has been a lot harder too...it seems like my progress is fading, I even found myself in tears last night because I felt so alone. Alone because I have just been pretty much going to work and coming home to sleep. No real social interactions ouside of work.
---Also, the moving out part scares me! I was out of the house during college and then moved back home, not because of anxiety, just because there was a problem where I lived. I worry that when I move into my new place that I will just go crazy, or be so worried and scared and panic-ridden that I will have to move back home. And that would be a HUGE blow to my confidence over this ailment we call anxiety.
Can anyone give me any advice, are setbacks normal for people with A/P? This just seems like i'm starting at square one again sometimes! And does it sound like i'm suicidal? It just scares me to death.
Thanks for reading my rambling post :/.
-Tyler/22/OCD and A/P. Paxil 60mgs daily, .5mgs Xanax as needed.