Hello...new here lots of ?(long)

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/1/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone...I am really not sure I am in the right place but I am hoping that there is someone out here that can help me......
My husband suffers from ptsd/panic/anxiety. We have been married for 4 years now...I really did not know the degree of it all until after we were married...It all started for him over 20 years ago when he was a child..his sister died as a result of a car accedent....he no longer drives a car nor does he stay home alone...As you can imagine this is really putting a strong burden on our marrage. We just had a baby taboo...I really want to go back to school, go on short weekend trips with my best friend...shoot I would like to just be able to run to the store by myself with out having to pack up everyone. BUT I CAN'T. I feel like I am a prisoner. We did counceling for a long time...We went several different people...they all told him that he needed to work  on his anxiety by slowly doing the things that scare him...well he ran the other way when they said that...then we found a really good therapist that specializes in ptsd/anxiety....we were going to her for about a year....then she wanted him to start making small steps...driving and staying home...he now refuses to go back....the sadest part about all this is that he is on meds and has not had a panic attack in over 4 years...It is like he has panic about the panic...He is soooo afraid he is going to die alone if I leave him to go to the store...or that I might die. But he just does not get that I am going to get to the point where I am going to be "gone" wether I die or I leave. I want to be here for him...But I feel like if I were to leave him either by death or just separating from him he could not live life. The part that bothers me most is that I do everything for him that I can...it has gotten to the point where he takes a taxi in the morning to work and one of his co-workers brings him home....and that DOES NOT bother him....NOTHING bothers him...as long as he does not have to deal with the issues he is fine. He does not care how it affects me or our child. I could get as angery as i can or sob as loud as I can and it does not change a thing.....So I guess my question is if it does not bother him how will it ever change???? I have even tried to just leave to go to the store and he jumps on the car! I just do not know what to do....I know it is not healthy....I do not want to leave him I love him dearly...but I also feel stuck and trapped.
Sorry for the long story....Please someone help me!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 7/1/2007 1:02 PM (GMT -6)   

  Hi AKa

Welcome to HW

  I think that if he doesnt want to change his way he's not going to and had found you as his safely zone at home and if he's not willing to help himself he will not change nor yours. Is there anyway that you can get him in as a inpatient to get the help he needs?

  Cowboy up

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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/1/2007 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Aka,

Welcome to our forum. It seems to me from reading your post that your hasband continues to have huge issues with panic and he needs more therapy.

You have been doing everything to help him but remember we cannot change another person, only ourselves. You also deserve some good times and to go to the store without it being such a  huge production. 

Do you have a good support system for you? We are glad you found us as the members here have a lot of caring to share and we understand what your going through.

Stay with us and keep posting.

Gentle Hugs


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 7/2/2007 2:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi aka. Welcome to the board. Sounds like you are going through a really rough time. I commend you on your effort to be a supporting wife. Your husband may seem to you that he doesnt care and that he has no desire to change. But I bet anything down deep he wants to live a "normal" life. People with anxiety/panic disorders make a routine and build a safety net in order to never have to experience the panic again. I understand, Ive done the same thing. It does sound to me tho, that your husband has a very extreme case and inpatient therapy may be his only solution at this point, since you stated you have tried several counseling sessions. Could also be that he just hasnt found the right combo of meds yet either. I wish all 3 of you well and hope you can get this worked out. We're here for you ..for any support you need. Good luck to you hun.
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.--

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 7/3/2007 3:34 PM (GMT -6)   

welcome sometimes a dog will allow him to be alone

he does seem very selfish and this can happen with severe anxiety sufferers, the best meds usually are an antidepressant, but he may need to try several at different doses in order to find 1 that works for him, and valium type meds as needed, are you sure he is actually taking his present meds?

the panic attacks wont kill him or even harm him and you need to constantly remind him of this


you might try to shock him into trying to recover by saying that you didnt marry him in order to become his full time psychiatric nurse, he needs to summon up enough courage to start the recovery steps advised to him, extra valium always helps this

recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 7/3/2007 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome. 
WOW!  You really have your hands full and I feel for you as I read your post.  You have done everything you can.  He is the only one who can make the change.  It sounds like he needs more therapy.
This is a wonderful forum.  Glad you found it!  You will find lots of support here.
Good Luck Dear,
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