My Anxiety Is Back....

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tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/10/2007 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
 
I recently had some big changes at work and I've been having a really hard time. The project I was on for the past year ended, and I had to go to HR and apply for a new project. I was really happy when I found one and was hired, but the training started yesterday, and I've been a mess. There are over 40 people in the training class and 2 trainers. I only know 1 person in there (Thank God I knew at least ONE person!) but he is going to be a manager and not an underling like me. The training is going to be between 1 and 3 months long, depending on which type of calls they want each rep to take. I also found out that I've lost my tenure pay after working there for 12 years, so that upset me alot, too. There is a raise involved in October, and it's really going to be ok money wise, it's just that that's not what they told me in HR when they hired me for the job, so I am pretty disappointed. Today was only day 2.... the project is in the BIG building, so I get to deal with elevators and tons of people compared to the small one story environment I was in for the past year. Today I had 2 dizzy spells, and am feeling really yukky. The training hours are a lot longer than I've been used to also, and this is a really LONG training compared to anything else I've done before. I know it's my anxiety coming back... I don't want to lose my job after all these years, but I feel like hiding in my house again...
 
Bear
"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
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debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 7/10/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Whatever you do, don't hide! You probably know better...it'll only make things worse. If you continue doing what you're doing and cope the best you can, you may eventually get used to the training and it will start to get a little easier.

Good luck.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/11/2007 2:38 AM (GMT -7)   
My bear
Sorry you are once again going thru this crapola and you know I would help if I could

DO not leave as Debaser said you have gotten thru tons of stuff and you are so strong at many things

I am sure with your beautiful way of being friendly you will make friends in this training series as well and quickly and like D said start enjoying it soon you are going thru NATURAL: emotions IMHO right now so stay strong and be that fighter I know you are
Email me if you would like rarely on MSN anymore but

luvs ya
lyn/sis
I do have you in my heart thoughts and prayers hun
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Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   

Tangerine,

Sorry that you are struggling right now.  Sounds like there has been a ton of change for you, I know that can throw me for a bit and cause the anxiety to come back temporarily.  I think both lyn and debaser are right about giving yourself a chance to get used to all the new things and you'll be just fine.  Try not to tell yourself that the anxiety is coming back, that you don't want to lose your job, etc.,...nix the negative thoughts.  Given the situation you are in right now, it seems perfectly normal for you to have some anxiety, so maybe try to see it that way...'it's okay to feel a bit more anxious right now since there are so many changes in my life, but once I get used to them it will ease up.'  Just use your cbt, positive self talk, etc. and I really think you are going to be just fine.  All my best to you!


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Bear,

You can do this, I know you can. Look at it as a experience and have fun.  Laugh at yourself, like I do at myself.

I did not think I could do jury duty..........but I just got up every day. I gave myself extra time in the morning so I could take my time and not feel stressed getting ready and have time left over to sit here and talk to you wonderful members.

Than I would head out the door. To me I looked at it like going to school. For the time you spend with the group of people in your class you form a bond and when the time is up you all go your own way again. However, you take good memories with you. yeah

Try my look people in the eye and say Hello routine.   Pretty soon they will be chatting with you. They won't be able to resist a warm smile. You can bet there are others in the training just as anxious as you.

Special hugs ((((((((((((Bear)))))))))))))

 


Respectfully
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Soooooo much debaser, Lyn (My Sis), JuneBug, and Skitt,

I think things will be ok, but it's hard! They just announced that training hours will be 12 WEEKS.... no therapist for three months is hard for me... but I'm already making friends... I guess it's good that there are so many in the class, so there's lots of us in the same boat. Our boss is nice, so that's a plus. Hopefully, I will get through this too.... the hiding thing is just an instinct at this point and I know to ignore it, but it's always "calling" me. The money will be good, hopefully it will be worth it in the long run... I will be taking calls from elderly people on Medicare, and I love that! Plus, I will be discussing people's meds and illnesses with them (which I can really relate to)! The managers are very strict which stresses me, but I guess lots of jobs are like that. Oh, good news... no dizzy spell today! Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling... it's been a tough week so far... (((Hugs))) to all my A/P friends,

Bear
"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
                       VIEW IMAGE
 

                           


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 7/11/2007 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad to see that you are a bit more positive about things now.  I really do hope that all of this works out well for you! 

tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/14/2007 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi all,

I made it through the first week... it was very tiring and stressful, one down 11 to go. Next week we start all the technical stuff... that should be even more stressful. We're down to 38 trainees and it looks like most will be staying around. I'm feeling out of place again (another one of my "issues")... most of the trainees are really young... I'm not. A lot of them talk about "partying" all the time. We're studying medicare, and I'm really the only one who is close to that age. I felt like I didn't really "fit in" at lunch yesterday... and in class we split up into groups, and nobody wanted to hear my ideas in one of the groups... sometimes I wonder if I'm a bit paranoid, or if nobody likes me, or if I just rub people the wrong way. I'm very friendly, but it still seems like nobody wants to talk to me. Also, my class has a guy who was hired to be the head of all the supervisors, and he walks around with a clipboard all day writing peoples names down for being late back from break, etc. He's giving EVERYONE stress! My last project had LOTS of older people, and I had lots of friends (or at least aquaintances) to talk to. I've run into a lot of those people in the halls and I'm so comfortable with them... we ask each other about our new projects, and I get GENUINE smiles and conversations with them. Basically, I'm not really good with change, and this is a big change. Well, I'm thankful it's the weekend and I get a couple of days to relax. Thanks for letting me rant...

Bear


"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
                       VIEW IMAGE
 

                           


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh my goodness... It's getting so much worse! The new trainer is not patient at all, and I'm really falling behind. This is so horrible. I came home a mess today. I had to stay late to try to catch up and have to go in early tomorrow as well. I feel so dumb. Nobody wanted to sit with me at lunch, and at breaks I heard people talking about others, and that really flared up my anxiety. I don't want to fail at this! I need and want the job, and I know I'll be good at it in the long run... it's just getting through this.
"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
                       VIEW IMAGE
 

                           


nyliz
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 167
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Trust me Bear, chances are not everyone is "getting it" as easily as they appear to... in the long run you will be far more successful because you are obviously taking the time to "make sure" you understand and absorb what you're learning.  In school I was often the last one to finish anything... I always thought the first one's done must "really be smarter or more capable than me" but in reality they were just average and content with that.
 
Keep your chin up and, by the way, if you feel like you're being left out then know FOR SURE that it's their loss because just in the short time I've been coming to this site... it's apparent that you're personality is fabulous - realize how wonderful you are and you won't need anyone else to verify your worth to you :) 
 
Keep pluggin, your gonna be great !!!!!!!
:) Liz
 
We WILL get by with a little help from our friends!!!


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bear!
So sorry you're having a tough time of it...but I want you to know that I think you're AWESOME for having stuck to it for this long already! I truly believe you can do it and we're all rooting for you! Many Many HUGS!!!

janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/17/2007 4:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you so much Mom4 and Janetlee for the encouragement and the hugs (I needed that!). I'm dreading this morning and sure hope I can keep up today... YIKES! It's so great to have friends here!

Bear


"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
                       VIEW IMAGE
 

                           


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/17/2007 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Bear,

I am so sorry that this is a struggle for you but I believe in you.

When you go to class just walk slow, take  nice easy breaths and tell your self over and over "I can do this" like a mantra.

In class just listen, take notes occasionally or highlight text....but mostly listen. Shut out the noise around you.

It does not matter what others are talking about at lunch, and don't assume it is you.  Your probably not the topic as most people talk about themselves and what is going on with them.

You have all of your A & P famly here cheering you on and you will make it. Just try to stay in the moment and not let worry distract you. You are the best so you go girl . ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 


Respectfully
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/17/2007 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much Kitt. You can't imagine how much the support means to me. I was thinking about starting a new thread about what I think was a panic attack I had at work today. I was so stressed out, and was getting so far behind, and after first break I started having HORRID pains in my lower abdomen. It hurt so badly that I had tears in my eyes and could barely walk. I took an Advil and a Xanax (in case it was my panic)... within a half an hour it was gone. I really thought I was going to have to go home at first, but it subsided. I have had lots of panic attacks before, but never with this pain. I think the anxiety set off my colitis, but I'm not sure what it was...

Love you guys,

Bear
"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
 
                       VIEW IMAGE
 

                           

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