Feeling very scared and anxious.....

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fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello- I am new here.  I have been having anxiety symptoms for about a year or 2 but have never gotten any medications for it, but I do take some natural/herbs for it.  Anyway it started when my husband and kids and myself moved from SD to FL because my parents did 3 yrs ago.  My husband never reallyw anted to quit his job and move but I pretty much forced him to because I wanted to and my family was.  So it caused a LOT of problems in my marriage.  We had to live with my brother for about a year after we got here and that also caused big problems.  We finally got a house but right away pretty much we decided to sell it and move back home, but my family took it REALLY hard and for the past couple years I have been dealing with that and feeling terrible all the time because my parents don't support me and make me feel terrible for moving back.  They think I am crazy and that I will be miserable not living by them.  sad Up until this point my parents and I have always been VERY close so this has been very hard on me.  Well it took forever to sell our house but we finally did a week ago and they are STILL acting as if they are going to die and I don't even want to talk to them.  When we told them my mom wouldnt stop crying and my dad just said that we were crazy pretty much.  I havent talked to them since then and I don't even want to but I know I shouldnt' avoid them since we are moving in just 2 1/2 weeks.  I think the move will be good for my marriage but of course I am scared because I have never lived away from my family and I have always been so close to them.  My brothers/nieces and parents all live here in FL and we are moving 1800 miles away.  We will live close to my husband's family though.  My husband is ecstatic to get to move back "home".  I am trying hard to be happy about it but it's difficult when I am scared and also not sure how to deal with my parents right now.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  When I wake up int he mornings I feel nauseous and like I don't want to even start the day at all. 

fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/16/2007 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I also want to add that they seem to think they won't have a relationship with my kids now even though they have the money to come visit often adn we have told them we will visit at least twice a year but this doesnt seem to matter to them at all. 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/16/2007 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Welcome! Iam so sorry that you are in this situation and I think if you are able to get your parents to sit down with just you and talk this thru calmly that you both might get a better understanding of how each feels.

I believe that your parents should be more respectful of your decision and support you but that is my opinion.  You are scared and they are scared.

Once you get moved, they will still have a relationship with your children if they choose too. I hope for your sake and theirs that they do maintain their relationship or they are going to be hurting themselves needlessly. 

I can read your pain in your post and you have my support and hugs. You are attempting to be all things to all people, not an easy job.

Remember we cannot change others, only ourselves.

Sending you gentlle hugs and prayers.

Please stay with us and keep posting.

 


Respectfully
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 7/16/2007 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
your doing whats right for you and your husband. your family (husband and kids) are being put first like they should. your parents will eventually understand all that. but you gotta do whats right for you, you cant always make everyone happy. and i know that its hard to feel like your letting your parents down. but they will get it soon. they'll see that this was better for you. and you can vistit when you can. or they can come to visit. plus phone calls. like kitt said, they're scared and your scared. its just gonna take some time for all this to kinda settle down. good luck with it all.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
 
~ Life is short but I am not. ~


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/16/2007 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much for the replies.... I truly appreciate it. I did talk online to my mom today and she seemed ok, but nothing about the move was mentioned and she didnt even say she wanted to get together soon because we are leaving soon. Oh well.. at least it was a step. Thanks again!!! I feel a lot better.

OCguy949
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 7/17/2007 10:47 PM (GMT -7)   
FAirybaby,

I have been living away from my parents for about 7 months now and I have admit I feel like crap as well...
Before their move I had some anxiety and panic and now being so far away has made it worse.. I have been taking .25mg of klonopin as needed and it seems to help. I have always been the type of person to be against these types of drugs. I was taking natural herbal medications known as
cams.. they are bs and don't even help!

I would go see a Dr. and ask them about Klonopin.. Do you feel anxious and panicky in the am?
Do you wake up in the middle of the night?
Do you get anxious in public loud places?

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/18/2007 3:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I believe you are doing exactly what is right for you and your fmily
Dont let them feed into the " guilt " you already have

They will still see you n kids just not as often and IMHO this is the best thing for you to do

I would also suggesst seeing a doc finding some coping skills ( read success thread:) and perhaps you may need a medication for a short term .......I dont think going in and asking straight up for a certain one may always help but ya never know

Please keep us posted and enjoy this time
Sounds like you and your family need it badly

LYN

STAY WITH US
Keep posting and getting the support you really need as well as the understanding
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fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/18/2007 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the replies. I am still feeling really anxious now because I don't know how to handle my parents. They aren't contacting me and I'm sure they think *I* should be the one to contact them but I don't want to cuz I am sick and tired of the awkwardness and them making me feel like crap all the time. I really can't wait to be further away from them in a way cuz I need some SPACE cuz I feel like I'm being smothered by them all the time and like they could come anytime and try to talk me out of moving and tell them what a terrible mistake I am making. Keep in mind here I am 30 and have been married for almost 12 yrs! *sigh*

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/19/2007 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
HI there
If you want my honest opinion
LET them take there time to contact you
Seems to me they are " punishishing you" and that is not right by no means at all ........

You need to talk please contact me thru my email at side in envelope

STAY with us
WE will help you thru this

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
 Your Mind is like a Parachute...Works better when IT IS Open
 
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
 Walk With Us We Will Take your Hand .......
 
  
                                  


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/19/2007 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah I am beginning to think you are right and it really ticks me off!! UGH I got a book at the library on dealing with people that manipulate so it is helping me already. Even though there are only 2 weeks left I am just going to let them be and see what they do. My brother and SIL are about to have another baby any day now so I know we will end up seeing each other because of that anyway. At least today I don't feel so worried and anxious.. I just am feeling more angry because I am sick of it!! I can't WAIT to be 1800 miles away and actually on my own (well, with my hubby and kids), even though it is scary. Thanks for the replies!!!!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/19/2007 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there,

HI, I am sorry it has come down to this as in the end everyone gets hurt and hard feelings don't go away easy.

I hope you make  peace and that your parents will accept the fact that you are an adult and doing what you feel is best for your family now.

Many Hugs and keep posting. We are here for you.


Respectfully
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


TexasJen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 649
   Posted 7/19/2007 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Emotional blackmail is never pleasant, is it?  That's exactly what your parents are doing to you now, and I'd about bet money that's how they've always operated with you.  They know when they say, "Jump!" you will respond with, 'How high?" 

Your first priority is you and your husband.  Your own family.  Time to stand on your own feet and make the decisions that are right for you and your marriage.  Holding on to the expectation that your parents are going to suddenly support you in defying their wishes is a useless exercise.  Something tells me the pressure will get worse before it gets better.

You have done everything right, and nothing wrong.  You made the decision to move and respect your husband's and your own wishes instead of your parents.  Stick to your guns!  You are an adult.  Give yourself permission to act like one and live the life YOU want to live.  I can understand how tempting it must be to succumb to the manipulations, but you can't fall for it. 

Let's run this thing out to the end.  What's the worst thing that could possibly happen by defying your parents?  Will they not speak to you again?  Will the pressure get worse and worse?  Will you allow them to spin you up again and possibly wreck your marriage?  Start thinking now about how to deal with some of the things that might happen.  Lean on your husband for support and make a plan.  You have nothing to lose but your own freedom.  Don't let someone else, even your parents, steal your joy in life.  :-)



Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, a couple of cervical discs, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish. 


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/25/2007 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   
A few days ago (Sunday) we got together with my parents and my mom was actually OK acting... she got teary eyed now and then but was otherwise alright.  But my Dad wouldnt hardly speak to anyone the whole time.  He just sat there quiet and wouldnt speak.  How lovely huh?  Anyway I am feeling relaly anxious/nervous about the move --which is in 9 days.  I am nervous about saying goodbye to everyone and how hard that will be.  sad   And I am also nervous that I will be lonely and really sad after we move.  But then I think I must be feeling like a big baby cuz I am 30 yrs old and should be fine living away from my extended family.  Thanks for listening!
 
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/25/2007 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning

I am sorry to here your Dad was very withdrawn at your get together. Perhaps he is just afraid also of you being so far away and wondering how he can deal with it.

Remember you can only control your own feelings no other peoples.

You would normally be anxious about a move and having your folks upset makes this more of a challenge for you.  You are doing the right thing for the right reasons. Please try to put a positive spin on it for yourself and your husband and children.  Your going on an adventure.

You can do this, just stay in the moment and don't dwell on what happened yesterday or last week. Happy Moving. ((((HUGS))))


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/27/2007 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Aw thank you Kitt... that really made me feel better.

I am sure I'll have to see them sometime soon (only 1 week til we move!) so I am REALLY dreading that but somehow I am sure I will get thru it. So far things are going smoothly with the move and falling into place so that is good news. Thanks again!

bluejelli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 7/27/2007 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi fairy, I'm sorry you are going through this and the anxiety.  I have been through what you are going through, but it was with my husbands parents. What it took me understanding was I was near my family and he wasn't. Although everyone is adults,  feelings do get hurt and jealuosy comes into play when one feels less important. Even though it's not intentional. You said your husband is estactic about going back "home". And your family is feeling just the opposite about you leaving. I can truly understand both sides. Sometimes parents don't do guilt trips on purpose, sometimes it's purely out of love. Unhealthy as it may be. It happens and is apart of life.  They feel like they are losing their daughter and grandkids, while his family is gaining theirs. First thing I would do is communicate with them. Life is entirely too short not to.  Try not to leave anything unresolved when you leave. You can't help the way the feel , just as they can't. Stay strong, but keep your words gentle. Kids have to branch out and live their own lives, sometimes that is the hardest thing for a parent to deal with.  Good luck to you and your family.
I reject your reality and subsitute my own
Karen~


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/29/2007 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the replies.

We saw my family today... they were better this time. They were actually talking more about it and not acting AS depressed. I think they are trying hard to accept it.

I am starting to feel more panic though... mostly about leaving my family and starting anew without them. I guess I'm worried I will get lonely without them cuz I have alwyas lived by them except for about a year of my life. My husband is very loving though and has told me I can come visit often... even for a month in the summers if I want and around Christmas, too. I know I am really lucky to have such a great guy but I am still feeling scared about the whole thing. :-\

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/29/2007 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there

I am sure you are feeling more anxious as the time approaches but once your headed off and get to your new home you will be busy unpacking and getting your new life organized that you may not feel so anxious.

Don't think of it as saying good bye to your family, just see you later.  Your husband is very supportive and to have each other is grand.  You are both giving something to make your life together happy.

Bless you, you will make it.  I am proud of you. :)


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/30/2007 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much.. that really made me feel so much better!!!
 
:-)  

fairybaby55
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 8/2/2007 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Just letting you all know we are moving tomorrow... I just said our "goodbyes" to my parents tonight. It was hard but I made it thru. My mom was crying and I felt really bad for her.. I hope she'll be ok. :-( Thanks again for your support everyone - it means a lot.
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