I first posted around this time last year.. I was feeling anxious and started having panic attacks, which delayed my graduation from school. I started seeing a psychologist because I was so afraid to go back and finish. Long story short, every class I was in was very difficult and caused me to sweat and unbearable nervousness. I finished school, graduated, and got a job. I felt as if things were getting better.
I have been doing things that I couldn't do around this time last year: go to movies, ride on a boat, and even flying on a plane last week (with help from Xanax). However, things started going downhill shortly after I returned home from my trip.
I went to a wedding with my girlfriend and started freaking out before the ceremony started. We were seated right in the middle of the church, in the middle of a row. I have a huge problem with weddings because I feel as if I can't get up and leave if I need to. They also make me nervous/panic because of core issues I have with my parents and their divorce/relationship growing up. I'm not a very trusting person which breeds negativity. I know this is a bad thing and am trying to change it.
Anyways, I got up and moved to the back of the church, close to the door, and I instantly felt better. The biggest problem is that I am supposed to be IN one of my best friend's weddings in 6 weeks! I was telling my friend about
my experience at the wedding this past weekend and think that I scared him. He is very understanding of my issues and said that he could ask someone else and said "it doesn't matter if you're sitting or standing... you'll be there and I know you want to be there.." All I could do is cry and feel like a huge failure. I can deal with being anxious, uncomfortable, and nervous; but I do not want to be the 'weird' guy standing up there shaking and fidgeting with everyone staring at me. If something happens or if I feel like I am going to pass out, I can't just walk away....
These feelings have started to depress me because it feels as if I have no self-control. I went to the doctor and he prescribed Zoloft for me. I am
open to do whatever I can to overcome this anxiety, but it feels as if it's going to be with me forever. Whenever I overcome one thing, there is always something else around the corner to worry about
I don't know what to do anymore. I took the day off of work to relax. I hope the zoloft helps.