This is Kitt and I am glad you felt comfortable to come here and share how you are feeling.
Some chronic illnesses take people through periods of good health mixed with periods of sickness. Adjusting and readjusting to these changes may seem daunting.
Depression and anxiety are all rolled up with your anger and fears of this cronic illness that you are dealing with. I understand the anger...why you? I don't have an answer for that. But please don't let that stop you from fighting for the best possible quality of life you can attain.
I would like to suggest that you talk with your physician about your antidepressant meds and anti-anxiety meds also. I don't know what kind of pain med your on, but be very careful if your on a narcotic as they may interfere with your AD drugs. I know this from personal experience. :)
I can tell you are a wonderful person and you never have to apologize for posting on this forum. We are here for each other.