Hi my name is Dan and i'm new on to this forum

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Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/1/2007 8:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi great people! I've been reading a lot of the post today before registering and want to say hello and share a bit of my story.

I would like to share my experiences. It's more of a high level, "my history of panic and anxiety".

My Anxiety has been with me, i think, since i was 13 (I'm 32 now) but it wasnt until 2003 did it really set in for me. During this time I was going through a break up, and i was so scared to be a lone. I was literally dependent on this person, (lets call her Sandy cause i will make reference to her again later) and the fact that we were breaking up really left me crushed. I began taking SSRI. Celexa first, then Lexapro, then settled on Zoloft ( w/ a low dose of adivan for serious anxiety moments).

The drugs seemed to help for a while and when when i began to feel better i began to socialize a lot more. I also replaced my Sandy with work, and worked A LOT. This seemed to help and i knew it was the most healthy thing for me to be doing, but I felt that doing something to get through the times is what i needed and work really seemed like a natural place to spend lots of time at. I started drinking again ( i stopped previously because of depression -- I didnt feel i was an alcoholic), and really thought i had it under control. Then one night i was with a girl i was dating and I decided to do cocaine. I don't recall how much i really did, it was all that much, but this was my introduction to Panic. I did't have panic the night i did the cocaine, i had panic the night after. I had about 10- 15 attacks. The first few mind, and each building more and more. I finally went to my kitchen to take Adivan ( I was really scared to do this, because i thought that the cocaine was what was making my heart rate so high, and i thought that the Adivan would potentially kill me). I was also, so frightened I was too scared to call a ambulance or my parents. The next thing i remember is waking up in a pool of sweat with the bottle of Adivan on the floor. I took some and was able to sleep for a couple of hours. I then drove myself to the Urgent Care and was told that i had a panic attack.

So, that was years ago. But once i open that gateway to panic (maybe it would have happened sooner or later anyways) I was now having panic on a more regular basis.

For the next few years most of my panic was induced by an incident I could clearly point to. Like, if i broke up with a girl or there was some conflict with someone i was dating, it would send me into this panic state. I was never really sure what i feared, i think it was the uncertainty " Whoa, this person sounds really mad and i didnt do anything, this person is acting so irrational, that i dont know what they will or are capable of doing" So it was the fear of the unknown that would really do it for me. Most of the time it was dating related, and most of the time it was irrational anger towards me that would trigger the panic. So, yeah there was an incident involved or a "trigger"

Over the past couple years, i've been doing really well. I stopped 100% close to 3 years ago ( i realized that you cant take meds and drink, it was very counter productive -- and in fact the mixing of alcohol with zoloft over a period of time really made me lose control). I was doing so well that I was able to tapper from 100MG of zoloft to 12.5 MG (not even considered a therapeutic dose) with Klonipin serving as my mellower (.5 in the morning .5 at night). So, after being down to 12.5 for 5 months or so it was time to go down more. I went to 6 MGs or roughly that, its hard to cut a 25MG into fourths. And after 6 weeks of that and feeling ok, i stop completely! Hooray. I was really proud of myself. I was so happy that i was freed from zoloft. I dont really know why, but it felt like a huge accomplishment. 6 weeks pass with no zoloft....

Wow, I woke up on a monday morning and experienced A HUGE panic episode. Now, this time my mind was really trying to find the answers (not really knowing at the time, that i was making it worse). But it was the first, or at least i believe to be the first panic attack i had that was not related to a life event. Two days later i was back on 25MG of zoloft. I wasnt ashamed, i wasn't hard on myself, i just accepted it. So for about 4 weeks back on zoloft i was still experience panic. These were more situational or triggered panic attacks. Last week, on friday i experienced more. And now i'm up to 50MG of zoloft and talking about 4 MG of adivan a day -- its getting less and less.

So, knowing a bit of my story ( and sorry for the length) i have something else going on that is really hard for me to deal with. So, i would love for some advice, comments, or anything.

My best friend is my dog. I have had him for almost 13 years. He is pretty much on his way out ( a lot of the situation panic was due to problems with my dog). Now, what i fear the most is not really being able to deal with his passing. This animal has be the one stable thing in my life, and i think a lot of my anxiety stems from (like when i broke up with my ex-girlfriend Sandy) So, this has been a really hard time for me. At some points i feel like i need to be hospitalized. Other times i feel like i'll need to go somewhere right away and be with some close friends, but then i have the fear of when i'll have to return home.

Monday i will find out some critical information about my dogs health. Thats along time to sit around and wonder what will be the outcome of the test, but the truth of the matter is no matter what the out come is, he is old and i will have to deal with this sooner or later (it will probably be sooner, the signs are all there).

One last thing, when i went up on zoloft from 0 - 25MG I had some side effects, but when i went from 25 - 50MG 6 days ago, i have really felt bad. I have no appetite, i feel constantly "drugged". I feel a constant state of low level panic ( too low for me to call panic attacks, but high enough for me to feel that the medication is inducing it). And time has come to a huge stand still. For example, i went to the doctor on monday and then i went today and it felt like a week had gone by.

Anyways, thats my story. thanks for reading.
best of luck to all the others suffering.
Dan

Post Edited (Danxiety) : 8/1/2007 9:10:37 PM (GMT-6)


cypressleidy
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/2/2007 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone I am new to this post. I can relate to everyone here that has these panic attacks/anxiety that last more than 10 minutes.
Mine actually last all day long. I get scared cause I am having an attack to begin with then I suppose my mind goes racing more at the fear of having a heart attack or whatever and makes the anxiety last all day. I will be afraid of being too far away from medical help. My chest will hurt all day, my left arm hurts all day, my head hurts all day, nausiated all day, edgy all day, racing heart all day, numbness & tingling all day etc etc..... I started having this 4 years ago and was put on Zoloft which I called the wonder drug as it made me a different person. My doctor gave it to me for free and then he transfered to another state and I couldn't afford it so I had to get off. I was on it for a year. I was okay for awhile since I had the drug in my system from taking it for a year. Then I met my husband now-boyfriend at the time (2004). The attacks & anxiety started coming back. Got back on Zoloft. Didn't work anymore. Got on Wellbutrin. Didn't work for depression or even my smoking which my husband hates. But I smoke more when I have these atacks, stress, anxiety and etc but he doesn't understand. Plus not that easy to quit when you have been smoking for 20 years. Doctor gave me Lorazepam. Helped but only short lived and when I took about 3 in a days time when I was only prescribed one 25 mg a day. Now yesterday I went back to the Doc told him I have got to do something. This is getting to me and my marriage. Now he has started me on Paxil. Hoping it works. Still has me on Lorazepam but only when I have an attack and no more than 2 pills a day. All day yesterday I had anxiety and the panic attack. Worse at night trying to go to sleep and worse cause I hate telling my husband since he don't understand and then I get more anxiety and stress and worry. This morning still feel chest discomfort, arm pain, headache, dizzy and nausea. feel like I am going crazy. Afraid I am going to die. Always checking my pulse and blood pressure as I have high blood pressure and on medicine for it. has anyone taken Paxil before? Does it help? Any self help ways to deal with this problem? Thanks for reading my post.........Cypressleidy
 
Hello Cypressleidy, It works better to post your concerns and comments and introduction  in your own post as people will miss the opportunity to meet you if your tagged onto another members thread.
You are, of course, encouraged to respond to posts of others too. Just a helpful hint.  glad your with us. yeah Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 8/3/2007 4:30:26 PM (GMT-6)


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/2/2007 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Cypress_

Just to let you know, i had 2 panic attacks this morning as well. I think for you, your husband not understanding is very hard on you, it is causing you more anxiety. Maybe post a thread or search for a thread about Husband not understanding. I'm sure there are ALOT of people that can relate to that and give you some advice.

As far as the actual panic. You not going to die! you not going crazy! You just having a panic attack. Your mind is racing for answers to why? And we logically want to find answers to these things. So when we're experiencing these attacks, we tend to feed into them by asking ourselves these questions.

This morning, I woke up at 7AM and BAM a wave a panic hit me. I told myself that its ok, its just panic, and I tried to actually welcome the panic in. It seemed to subside a bit. I then got up a took 1MG of Ativan (lorazepam) and tried to go back to sleep. Another wave hit me and again, i just tried to be easy on myself and let me self know that i'm safe and the worst thing that can possibly happen is that i will pass out "I'm in bed, if i pass out that wont be bad". I also remind myself that all the feeling I have are OK. That its normal to feel this way because i have panic disorder. The more i except and let go, the better off I've been.

I just started doing this, or trying this technique this week and it does seem to help. I still need medication, but when the panic strikes i feel more in control and less scared. Its really hard and while its happening it seems like a battle. you have the racing thoughts and the calming reassuring ones. I think if i can get the calming reassuring ones to be louder and essentially stop the racing thoughts, i will be in a better place.

Anyways, i dont know if that is helpful at all. Like i said i had 2 panic attacks at 7AM this morning, and while this made the 7's instead of 10's was because of the self talk that i did. I keep recommending this book to people like i have some stock in sales, but when you find something that helps you want to share. There is a book called "Embracing the fear -- learning to manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks". Maybe take a look at that if you are interesting in reading about our problems.

I have never taken paxil before so i cant say anything on that subject. Look around at the different posts on this board, i'm sure there is some great information from people taking paxil...

take care_
Dan

jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 8/2/2007 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
i just wanted to say hi and welcome. i understand where your coming from with your dog. my pets are my "babies" and i'm always fearful of losing them. i had a cat that i had to put down because she was old and sick. so my heart aches for you and your decision. its never an easy place to be in and your in my thoughts.

again welcome to HW and you'll find that everyone is really nice and helpful.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
 
~ Life is short but I am not. ~


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/2/2007 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks a lot. I'm kind of a loner and my dog has been the one stable thing in my life for the past almost 13 years. From the bad to good. I also know that i have a dependency problem. I tend to latch onto things, and I never had that feeling with my dog until he became ill. I'm currently looking into group therapy or some sorta support group for when the inevitable happens. Friends and family are great, but i like the idea of being with people that really understand.

I can only say thanks again.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/2/2007 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Dan,

I hope you found my welcome. Also if there is anything you need feel free to email me.

I am a Dog lover too and my 2 Dobermans have saved me many times.  My oldest one is not well and she has severe arthritis as well as a nasty wound on her paw that we cannot get healed.  She is the one that let's me cry all over her and sits still for me or is by my side all the time.

I am glad to see you are meeting new people and visiting with each other.

You have my support and I promise you have come to the right group.

Gental Hugs


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/3/2007 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   
HI there Dan and Cypress
Welcome to HW
This is a little family in itself and it does have alot of support ideas and techniques to help you's out

I am wondering dan if you went thru your doc to up the zoloft and taking the 4 ativan ...........Just asking not judgeing been there myself although not with AD's ..........I finally gave in and started taking one a bit ago I had to to get head on straight and be able to function properly at the level I need

I do hope you will stick with us

I am so sorry about your dog I do know that feeling all to well but with my parrots ........

Take care and post often.............LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/3/2007 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Cypress
Welcome to you too
'I know that you will also find this the best place to be for support caring and empathy

There are breathing techniques ,......Cognitive behaviour Therapy and many self help books to give you tools to fight this DD

Look in the resources for more info as well as read past posts I will bring some old ones up for you

Maybe you need another AD many have to go thru a few before finding right one

Please do stay with us and get the support you need

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
 Walk With Us We Will Take your Hand .......
 
  
                                  


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/3/2007 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lyn_

Yes, i did go to my doctor. I was in a panic state and she suggested that we go up on the zoloft. I've been with this doc for 5-6 years and she has always (for the most part) made the right decisions. So if she thinks thats what i need, for now, i take it. As far as the Ativan. I'm only supposed to take that for panic. The idea is that the zoloft will help with the panic, but it takes a while to kick in. In the mean time, i'm taking ativan to hold me over until the zoloft kicks in. I mark down everytime i take anything and the time of day too. Everytime i go to the doc, that the first thing we go over, so she is totally aware of everything i take, how much, and at what times. Having this chart has been helpful, because there i times where i'm not feeling better but i can see just by looking at the chart that i am infact doing better. She wants me off the ativan soon, so she might switch somethings up this when i see her today.

On interesting thing about adivan, is that i used to feel it really kick in. I would never feel high from it, but i could psychically feel the panic subsiding and my entire body relaxing. This doesnt really seem to happen anymore. It helps but not like it used to. And just a note, i've never taken in for more than a months time, and there has always been long breaks between taking it. When i was at my best, less than a year ago I went almost 2 years with none. I had a few triggered attacks that i took a little bit for, but for the most part i took none.

Thanks for the supportive words about my dog. Its been rough this past week.

Post Edited (Danxiety) : 8/3/2007 12:21:19 PM (GMT-6)


Boomer2uall
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 8/3/2007 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Dan.  My name is Boomer2uall (Nick).  Welcome.  Don't think for a moment that your not alone.  We are all here to help the best we can. 

Nick

 


Currently taking Paxil 40mg, Clonazapm 3mg, Seroquel 150mg, and Remeron RD 45mg daily.
 
Suffer from depression, generalized anxiety dissorder, and OCD.

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