Good Morning Tammy
First off, a ton of hugs for you (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))).
Perhaps with your Mother doing better and your not needing to respond, you have lapsed back into not knowing what to do as no one is helping direct you. When your Mom was bleeding you had to go no choice to make. Now your back to having to make choices and stuck in the circle of anxiety again.
I would also suggest that you talk with your physician about taking the Lexapro to the 20 mg dose as 10 mg may be to low for you.
No guilt about using the Xanax, you will deal with that again when your ready.
You must give yourself kudos for the wonderful Mother you are as well as devoted daughter. Look at all the good things you have done. Keep a list of you positives and when you read it you may realize yourself that you are quite amazing.
Take care and keep posting. You are family here. :)
Unfortunately, we all have to deal with setbacks, and it sounds like that's where you are right now. Everything you said is exactly what I was going through last Oct.-Nov., waking up terrified, not wanting to be alone, not wanting to go out anywhere, and feeling like I was losing all the progress I had gained. It was a horrible place to be, and I so feel for you right now. It took time, alot of cbt, upping my xanax, going back into therapy and re-reading just about every book I have on the topic of panic/anxiety, to get out of it. I'm still not back to where I was before last fall, but I'm heading in the right direction now. You will make it through this, you did it once and you know how to do it again. It stinks to feel that way again, but you have to put that aside and do what you know how to do to get better...and be patient, with all that you've been through, you've re-sensitized your nerves and it takes time to allow them to heal again. Have you ever read Claire Weekes? I love her books. Her explanation of the symptoms and why you have them make me feel so much better. Use all the tools you've got, including the xanax for now...you need it, and you will get through this!
I don't know about valium or klonopin, I've only taken xanax which has worked well for me. I'm lucky in that I have a doctor who has no problem prescribing it and allowing me to decide how much and when I need it. Maybe if you go to your doctor and tell him that the stress you've been under is causing your anxiety to temporarily get bad again and you just need some xanax (or one of the others) to get through this rough patch, he will be more understanding. Let him know that you don't want this to be a permananent medication for you, but just a temporary aid and maybe he will be more likely to give it to you. I think doctor's greatest fears with xanax is missuse, which is funny because the majority of us don't want to take it at all! Best of luck with this and I'm sure someone else will come along with infor on valium and klonopin!
Do you keep a list of your meds. Start and always list Xanax as a regular med you use so when you go in for a medication check you can just list the meds your on. Tell your physician which ones are working and what is not.
Do not make a big issue over the Xanax, just expect that he will fill it for you every month as it is one of you regular meds for Anxiety and Panic Disorder.
Don't beg, just tell him you use it, it works and you need a refill.
As for the other meds, if this one works for you I would stick with it. Klonopin is short acting and Valium is the longest acting.