2 steps forward, 3 steps back

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TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 8/13/2007 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
So, I feel like I am done moving forward now, and from here on out, it is going to be back, back, back.  I have been on the 10 mg of Lexapro since the end of June.  For a while, I was starting to feel pretty good with that.  Almost back to normal.  I was going shopping, and going to family functions, and going for walks again, and just living a normal, and almost carefree life.  NOW, well, I am starting to wake up with the panic attacks every morning.  I can't go further than my parents house across the street, and that is even sometimes a struggle.  I was doing fine with my boyfriend being at work, now, I long for him to come home again.  The way I am starting to feel is the way I was feeling before I was on the Lexapro, and that stinks.  I went like 3 full weeks with NO XANAX, and now, I take anywhere from one to four .25 mg pills a day.  Why is this happening?  What the heck do I need to do to get my life back???  sad
 
I am both mentally and physically tired, and I am tired of being tired. skull   I am feeling depressed again, and that feeling sucks, because I wasn't feeling any depression with the Lexapro.   My chest wasn't feeling tight, and all the sudden the tightness is back.  I was back to living life for what it was, and now I look forward to bed time, but I dread waking up.  Waking up is scary to me, because I wake up full of anxiety, or in a panic attack.  This is scaring me.  I was getting life back, and now I feel it being pulled away from me again.  I am scared, and I am sad, and I don't know what to do. mad confused
Other quick updates...Mom is doing great.  NO BLEEDING lately.  (knock on wood) yeah
 
We are going to probably be moving to that other unit this week.  It is right behind the unit we are in now, it is just more updated, and a lot nicer.  The owners are suppose to be coming out here either today or tomorrow to access any damage we have in this place, and see what they would want us to pay for rent.  :-)
 
The maintenance man finally worked on the water damage, but we were without my sons bedroom all weekend, so he and I had an all weekend slumber party in the living room.  I brought his bed out and put it next to the couch.  We had a nice time.  If nothing else, something good came out of the whole water damage thing...Jay Jay and I spent a whole weekend having mommy and son time!  It was nice!  :-)
 
No guys, I haven't gone to the dentist.  Anxiety takes priority over anything else.... skull But, my tooth is feeling fine...(again, knock on wood)  I am going to deal with the tooth as soon as I can, and until then, I pray to God that my tooth stays quiet for me. eyes
 
At any rate, if anyone has any advice, or words of wisdom for me, as usual, it is much appriciated.  I hope everyone had a great weekend, and I wish everyone a happy MONDAY!!! yeah
 
Lots of Love!
Dealing with panic and anxiety for 8 years off and on...right now more on than off.  Major health anxiety as well!
 
New found issues with agoraphobia...working on that too.
 
I am NOT weak, I am just down right now.  I am doing what it takes to get my life back!!!
 
Best Wishes to all...Tammy


jerseycherries
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 8/13/2007 9:34 AM (GMT -7)   
i'm glad that you mom and tooth are both doing better. thats a good thing. i'm sorry to hear your feeling so bad again. i know thats no fun. it might be time to talk to your doctor and tell him whats going on. and maybe look into the CBT that everyone talks about. thats the best advice i can give you. i know its hard to feel so bad. i wish i could help more. hang in there.
I have bipolar disorder, panic attacks w/agoraphobia, social anxiety, diabetes, asthma, and high blood pressure.
 
~ Life is short but I am not. ~


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/13/2007 10:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Tammy

First off, a ton of hugs for you (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))).

Perhaps with your Mother doing better and your not needing to respond, you have lapsed back into not knowing what to do as no one is helping direct you. When your Mom was bleeding you had to go no choice to make.  Now your back to having to make choices and stuck in the circle of anxiety again.

I would also suggest that you talk with your physician about taking the Lexapro to the 20 mg dose as 10 mg may be to low for you.

No guilt about using the Xanax, you will deal with that again when your ready.

You must give yourself kudos for the wonderful Mother you are as well as devoted daughter. Look at all the good things you have done.  Keep a list of you positives and when you read it you may realize yourself that you are quite amazing.

Take care and keep posting. You are family here. :)


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/13/2007 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Tammy,

Unfortunately, we all have to deal with setbacks, and it sounds like that's where you are right now.  Everything you said is exactly what I was going through last Oct.-Nov., waking up terrified, not wanting to be alone, not wanting to go out anywhere, and feeling like I was losing all the progress I had gained.  It was a horrible place to be, and I so feel for you right now.  It took time, alot of cbt, upping my xanax, going back into therapy and re-reading just about every book I have on the topic of panic/anxiety, to get out of it.  I'm still not back to where I was before last fall, but I'm heading in the right direction now.  You will make it through this, you did it once and you know how to do it again.  It stinks to feel that way again, but you have to put that aside and do what you know how to do to get better...and be patient, with all that you've been through, you've re-sensitized your nerves and it takes time to allow them to heal again.  Have you ever read Claire Weekes?  I love her books.  Her explanation of the symptoms and why you have them make me feel so much better.  Use all the tools you've got, including the xanax for now...you need it, and you will get through this! 


TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 8/14/2007 10:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. THanks for the words of wisdom. I am feeling, eh, today. Not good, not bad. I am tired, cuz sleeping isn't coming easy to me right now. This set back isn't any type of fun. I am thinking of talking to my doctor about upping the Lexapro, and I need to talk to him about more Xanax, but I am scared to. He doesn't love to prescribe Xanax at all, so for me to try to get more, well, it scares me. Or, should I talk to him about Valium or Klonopin? Do they work the same as Xanax? I am so not familiar with these drugs, and I have been doing some research online about them, but feel maybe you guys could give me better answers to these questions, as you guys have taken these drugs. Any suggestions are always appriciated!

I will always keep you all updated. Thanks again to anyone who takes the time to answer.

I hope everyone is having a great day...
Dealing with panic and anxiety for 8 years off and on...right now more on than off.  Major health anxiety as well!
 
New found issues with agoraphobia...working on that too.
 
I am NOT weak, I am just down right now.  I am doing what it takes to get my life back!!!
 
Best Wishes to all...Tammy


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/14/2007 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Tammy,

I don't know about valium or klonopin, I've only taken xanax which has worked well for me.  I'm lucky in that I have a doctor who has no problem prescribing it and allowing me to decide how much and when I need it.  Maybe if you go to your doctor and tell him that the stress you've been under is causing your anxiety to temporarily get bad again and you just need some xanax (or one of the others) to get through this rough patch, he will be more understanding.  Let him know that you don't want this to be a permananent medication for you, but just a temporary aid and maybe he will be more likely to give it to you.  I think doctor's greatest fears with xanax is missuse, which is funny because the majority of us don't want to take it at all!  Best of luck with this and I'm sure someone else will come along with infor on valium and klonopin! 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/14/2007 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Tammy,

Do you keep a list of your meds. Start and always list Xanax as a regular med you use so when you go in for a medication check you can just list the meds your on.  Tell your physician which ones are working and what is not.

Do not make a big issue over the Xanax, just expect that he will fill it for you every month as it is one of you regular meds for Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

Don't beg, just tell him you use it, it works and you need a refill.

As for the other meds, if this one works for you I would stick with it. Klonopin is short acting and Valium is the longest acting.

Bless you.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 8/14/2007 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sweetie,
 
You have been through a lot lately.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  I would have a talk with your doctor.  Maybe he can up your medicine or try a new kind. 
 
Your a wonderful person and this WILL get better for you again!  yeah
 
Glad to hear your Mom is better.  
 
Praying for you hun.
 
Hugs,
Mary 
~Take Life One Minute At A Time!
~What Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger!


TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 8/15/2007 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for the help. I am just feeling so frustrated and overall, just yuck lately. I called about a Xanax refill and possibly upping the Lexapro today....got the voicemail though. Waiting to hear back.

Also waiting to hear back from the owner of this darn apartment about moving to the other unit...that is getting totally frustrating!

Mom is doing great. In fact, her and Dad are going on a little vacation to Pennsylvania for the next couple days...just to get away and sorta celebrate the life she has...that she almost lost so manyt imes. It will be good for them both, and I am very excited about it.

In some ways, things are looking up...in other ways...ugh.

Thanks all for listening.

Luv ya all!
Dealing with panic and anxiety for 8 years off and on...right now more on than off.  Major health anxiety as well!
 
New found issues with agoraphobia...working on that too.
 
I am NOT weak, I am just down right now.  I am doing what it takes to get my life back!!!
 
Best Wishes to all...Tammy


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/15/2007 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Tammy........sorry for all the tropubles and turmoil you have dealt with lately
Yes we do all have setbacks hun but you are strong and you have so many family members right here that care for you and will help you thru

Happy as a Pig in...chit about your Mom I am and now your tooth no lecture lol just get it looked at sweetie I knwo it is not priority right now but ........

I hope you hear about ypout apt soon or unit just got done moving an hour from family and small town myself and lo and behold .....brother shows up unnannounced when talking to Kitt just a bit ago .....ARGhhh

LOL
Oh well if I dont have a laugh ot 2 a day I would be in the big house ( no not Penitentiary )

Be well sweetie and know we are here for you always

LUVS
LYN
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