I read your post with great empathy. You have been dealt one tough hand and yet here you are looking for help and I will do my best to try to help. Most people in your place would not even be able to come to the boards. Kudos to you.
You may already know I am a nurse too, ER and ICU are my background.
First off regarding the meds, yes I know of lots of people that take AD meds and pain meds. Our wonderful Lyn is one of them. I was on Vicodin while on AD at the same time and over the 25 years that I have had depression I have been on an AD continously. I have had surgeries and been given pain meds. Many patients are given pain meds in ER that take ADs also.
Pain is considered a diagnosis and needs to be treated as does Anxiety and Depression.
With your medical problems would you be a candidate for Disability Social Security?
As for the Ativan you should be able to have that too. Some people swear by the Klonopin for Anxiety, I use the Valium as it is long lasting and you get a better blood level so it can help both the pain and anxiety.
I am glad you have found a therapist that you trust as that is so important in our working with someone. If your physician is not agreeable to the meds I would seek out a new physician.
You are a kind and caring person as I have read some of your posts and you are very supportive to others. So reach out and take our hands............we will pull you up out of the dark hole and into the light.
Everyone is welcome in our forum. Gentle Hugs to you.
Post Edited (stkitt) : 8/13/2007 5:46:19 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (at wit's end) : 8/14/2007 9:54:54 PM (GMT-6)
I am sorry that your family is not as supportive of you as they could be. I know this must make life very difficult but please try to stay strong and fill out thos Disability forms.
Thinking of you and supporting you.
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 8/16/2007 4:51:01 AM (GMT-6)
** Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness in my opinion is the least understood in the medical profession...a/p and Depession included as well as many many others**
Let one of those docs or therapists LIVE one day in our shoes .......... .
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 8/16/2007 5:25:15 AM (GMT-6)
Thank you for trusting us and sharing your story. There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of A & P and still being able to be anonymous.
I too have a chronic pain situation and was on Vicodin from a workmens comp injury. I got so I was liking the Vicodin and it screwed up my AD meds and I was in bad shape with my depression. I decided to go off the Vicodin on my own and weaned off back in January. However if I needed pain med I would use med again but perhaps a different one. For now I get by on NSAIDs.
Onto benzos...........hey I am the Queen of the Benzos and have been on one for 24 years. In the fall of 2005 I was put on Ativan 4mg.............at bedtime. I finally slept at night. In January of 2006 my PDoc decided the benzos were not good for me, I needed to wean off...............After 24 years it took them to come to this conclusion. Why me lord????? I switched to Valium for the weaning and went from Valium 40 mg to currently 6mg. I insisted on a slow wean and I may just ask for my old benzo back as I do not intend to not have any. I am the patient here.
So I understand your struggle and the bias of certain health care providers to make decisions that alter your life but not theirs. There are still a lot of good physicians like Lyn's who understand where your coming from and what your going through.
Try to stay calm and assertive when dealing with the physicians, as you know some physicians feel nurses are playing little doctors so they shut you down fast.
I hope you go ahead and file your disability papers. I know it takes a very long time to process them and you need some hope in your life for relief in one area, financial help would be a good start.
Perhaps you need a new therapist.
I am so sorry about the abuse you have lived through, you have more than a little on your plate, you have been to a full buffet and I have to tell you that your determination to overcome your problems is awesome.
We are open 24/7 and I hope you get the help and support here that you need. Keep posting. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Good Morning RN
I hope today is a good day for you and I am so happy you have been posting your feelings as it is important to have your own safe place to vent and to come to for support.
You have endured much pain and as Lyn said her Physician won't allow her to be in pain. What a great attitude from this Doctor. :)
Hello RehabNurse and all. I am new at this forum thing, so please forgive my mistakes. I have to write you Rehabnurse, I have been where you are! I was an ICU nurse for 20+ yrs until a spinalcord injury left me paraplegic. Hard to jump tall buildings, never eat or potty for a whole shift when one is in a wheelchair! I also have depression, the loss of abiltiy to care for chidren, loss of identity (who am I now that I'm not a nurse?), chronic pain- of which I still have to have morphine every 12 hr (extended release) and take percocet for breakthru. I also take 2 different AD, and have been on 3 at once. I also have required anti-axiety meds, all simutaneously. Then there are the muscle spasms that come with a SCI. These require muscle relaxants. The depression gets compounded as I am/ was the caregiver of all, but never a receiver. Becoming the "cared for" is a very difficult role for most nurses I believe. We, many of us in the medical field, have migrated here from our yrs. of nurturing others. How many nurses do we know that are the adult children of alcoholics?
It IS a difficult road to walk. No pun intended. My eldest daughter attempted suicide while I was still in acute care. She was 17 yrs old at the time. This was her reaction to my injury. She tried it once more after I came home. Thankfully, she lived thru both overdoses. For a long time, we had to keep all my meds locked in the cartrunk with all keys in someone's pocket!
I am on diability. It grieves me that my profession was taken from me; not that I chose to leave it. I really struggled with embarrassment over the "disability" word. I had such a negative image in my mind, from years of working with people who seemed out to beat the system. Get something for nothing. I also had a MAJOR fear of being labled a "drug seeker" b/c of all the meds I require. And require is the correct word. I would rather not have to take all this stuff, but THANK GOD there are chemicals, given appropriately, to make our lives liveable. And also, I am thankful for physicians who do realize there are people with chronic pain that are not about to die. But they cannot truely live, because they are prisoners of the pain.
I have had my experiences with the jerks that have the right initials behind their name. MD, PA, CNP. If you encounter one who does not provide for you physically and mentally, get another. That provider is human, just as we. He/she is not a god. Nor the final authority. As humans, we all walk different paths. Perhaps their life has just not revealed to them the deep anquish some of us have to live in. If their mind is closed, don't waste your energy trying to convert them. Find another caregiver. They are out there! Compassionate, educated medical team players who will not beat you up further, but give you the necessary tools to go forth, and YES, even conquer these great mountains. YOU will laugh again.
Something that helped me tremendously in my recovery was this: I surrounded myself with joy. I refused to read the newspaper or watch the news. No sad movies. Only comidys. I read only happy material, or that which brought me hope. I watched old reruns of "Lucy" , "THe 3 Stooges", etc. Even cartoons! I was an ostrich to anything ugly, sad, degrading, or undermining to my positive flow. This was a little difficult at times, as I was in rehab, then began the process of a malpractice lawsuit, as my SCI was the result of anesthesia given improperly. And I am not an ostrich personality.
I also took the attitude (or I said it all the time. Attitude was a gradual change) that God didn't stop this disaster in my life,nor did He cause it. But for some reason, I was where I was supposed to be. My job was to be the best me I could in this new role. As I said earlier, I even lost my identity, so this was a real challenge!
The councelor you are seeing that is judgemental about your need for Rx. From my past experience, if the therapist is not 110% in sink with you, there are areas that cannot benifit. It will be a stumbling block in your progress. It is a very low blow to be concidered a junky when you can't even get out of bed without the benefit of RX. As I said above, we all walk differnet trails, and too often opinions with misinformation make our decisons for us. And we suffer.
I'm sorry for the length of this. I pray it is benificial. I know it is rambling- it is 4:30am!- I'm up becuase those muscle spasms won't let me lie in bed tonight.
I did not grow into the peace I have overnight. I've been in my "new life" for 7 years now.
Take one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Sometimes that is all we can handle. And that is OK. Sincerely, NewLife RN