feeling like a loser

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Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/16/2007 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been feeling down the last few days, feeling left behind in the world and like a big loser.  I've been a stay-at-home mom for 17 years, for most of that time I felt fine with it because my daughter was little and needed her mom at home.  Now that she's almost 18, taking college classes for her senior year and just got a job, I feel like I don't have a place in this world.  I feel left out and left behind and like such a loser.  I haven't worked since my daughter was born, which is when my panic/anxiety started, and have become agoraphobic and haven't driven more than a couple of times in the last 12 years.  I just feel so worthless as now my 17 year old daughter will be out working while I'm still stuck at home.  Guess I'm feeling sorry for myself too.  I just wonder when my turn in life will come, you know...  Thanks all for letting me vent. 

machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 8/16/2007 9:04 PM (GMT -6)   
i know i've been one for 12 years, i think what happens is you lose yourself i did, i don't know how to take care of me , and if i do i feel selfish, i think maybe for the both of us a hobby that we feel comfortable with, i try to get creative with my yard for a long time plants didn't all do well but i tried , i get nervous shake in public sometimes so i don't know if i could get a job , which is scary, but i need something for me, maybe we could give each other ideals sometimes,

take care

machelle

dx gad

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/16/2007 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   

Junebug,

You are not a loser, no way.  You are just going through the empty nest syndrome.  Your role has been a Mother for so long that now you need to figure out what next, but don't rush yourself.

Give yourself time to get use to your free time and maybe take a course through community education.

I had my first panic attack when my oldest went off to boot camp. I thought I was excited for him  and he was off to see the world. I forgot about me, and I crashed big time. I had let go of one of my ducklings and I was so sad.  I could not stop crying but I did not know why.

You have figured out why, your way ahead of where I was. Gentle Hugs. We are here to help you always. :)

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/16/2007 10:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Machelle and kitt,

Thank you both for your replies and advice.  I know it will take some time to adjust to this new way of life for me.  Machelle, you are right about losing myself over the years because I focused entirely on my daughter.  Maybe it was another way to avoid dealing with my own problems and that is why I had such an awful setback last oct (when my daughter started to become more independent).  I don't have her as a diversion anymore and am pretty much left with the messes that I've never cleaned up from my past that are now staring me in the face.  I am dealing with alot of this with my therapist, it just seems that the last few weeks things have changed so much for my daughter and I've been caught a bit off guard and it's throwing me.  

Thank you both for caring!

Oh, and Machelle, I'd love to share ideas with you!


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 8/16/2007 11:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Loser? No way!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Never be your own enemy! It's just a transition period. Anyway, raising kids is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/17/2007 7:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I went thru and am going thru same with Cait she always needed Mom now she is more so indepedant and growing up and it seems away from me BUT she's not she is becoming her own person

As for being useless you are NOT

DO you have any idea how many ppl you have helped and touched on this forum since coming here
I read all posts and I do know

I also am dealing with a feeling of being like you feel so I am going to go back into the work force in Home care ( senoirs ) I have had a career in Nursing for many many yrs

You can do as Kitt said take some course or even volunteer some time at retirement homes hospices or anywhere that needs ppl that are loving giving and as wonderful as you are ..........

Dont be so hard on yourself and I wont be either

DEAL?

Luvs
LYN
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Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/17/2007 12:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your replies.
 
Debaser, I know you are right and I shouldn't be beating myself up, just in a bad place temporarily.  I'm not at all ashamed of being a stay at home mom all these years, it's actually something I'm very proud of, it's just that I don't feel needed in that capacity anymore and feel sort of lost.  It's like everyone is moving forward in life and I'm standing still.  I know in time it will be better, it's just a tough spot right now.
 
Lyn, thank you so much for the kind words.  I've always known that this was coming, but never imagined it would affect me this way.  I'm dealing with the agoraphobia in hopes that I can go back to school at some point, I would love to be a therapist and help others with p/a, but until then I think I'll just have to deal with my feelings and try to stay busy.  I'm happy for you that you're going back to work, I hope that goes well!!!  Keep all of us updated on that!  And yes, we have a deal, I'll try not to be so hard on myself.
 
Thanks to all of you!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/18/2007 3:38 PM (GMT -6)   

HeyJunebug,

Hope you are feeling better today and that you have some ideas your tossing around in your head re what you would like to be. No matter what phase of life we are in, we want to feel useful.

You are all that and more so give yourself a big hug and stay with us sweetie.

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Dolores55
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/18/2007 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
If your daughter is going to college and working than you are no way a loser. Being a parent and raising a decent and independent human beings is one of our greatest achievements in the world. Just think, you have raised a child that can go out into the world and take care of herself and that my dear does not make you a loser but a winner.

You are just a little lost at the moment and need to find a new direction to focus on. I know, I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter and little by little she is becoming more independent and one day, will be on her own. If you/I can succeed in having them be able to take care of themselves than will be my greatest accomplishment in life. Keep the faith you will find your way.

machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 8/18/2007 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
i think kids always need there moms, i still look to my mom for things, in life, she'll still need you, i know we all need each other, and the advice you give and just lending a hear, helps so many people , i'm still trying to find something for me, i lost me so long ago, so maybe we all can help with ideals

Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/18/2007 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   

Thank you kitt for checking up on me, I am doing a bit better today.  I guess I just need to go through feeling crummy for a while, but I know it will pass.  I went through something similar when she started kindergarten and again when she went to jr. high and survived both of those.  This just seems like the beginning of really having to let her go and be on her own which will lead to her eventually leaving home for good. 

Dolores,  you are so right, and I hadn't thought of it that way.  I am proud of the job I've done, she's a great kid and I'm very lucky that we have a very close relationship which will last as Machelle said. 

I'm working on coming up with ideas to fill my time so I don't have too much to think.  I'm hoping to do a little writing again, I used to write alot, so would love to return to that.  I also think I'll go back to doing my crafts that I then sell on e-bay.  I put a few of my things in our garage sale last week and got really positive comments about them.  I enjoy doing crafty things, so that will probably be something I'll dig back up. 

I do have ideas, it's just that right now I think I need to get through the icky feelings, let them be and then let them go when I'm ready.  I'm thankful that I've been in therapy now for nine months and we've been dealing with this very issue, so I guess I'm ahead of the game there.  I know I'll be okay in time.

Thanks again to all of you for caring.  You've all made me feel much better and not so alone in this!

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