Agoraphobia - scared

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wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
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   Posted 8/17/2007 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I was recently hospitalized for depression and wanting to commit suicide.  I actually called my doc before I did anything because I realized what it would do to my kids, husband and the rest of my family.
 
While in the hospital, the psychiatrist of course asked tons of questions, went over my life history, and my family history.  With all of this info he changed my diagnosis to Bipolar Disorder along with Panic/Anxiety Disorder and Agoraphobia.
 
I am now home and scared out of my mind.  I can't go anywhere unless my husband is with me and it's still very hard for me.  If feels like I will never get my life back.  How does someone with agoraphobia get through this?  I am seeing a therapist and we'll be using CBT - he's already told me this is not going to be a quick thing.  So again, how do you get through this, how do you function?
 
I feel so lost and feel like a loser because every time I have gone some where, I end up crying.  Thankfully, my husband is very patient.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 
Yahoo IM screen name:  wen4003


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 8/17/2007 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Wen,
 
I am so so sorry that you are having such an awful time.  I was exactly where you are right now, last oct. and it was torture!  I don't have bi-polar, but have been diagnosed with gad, pd and severe agoraphobia.  With therapy, medication and alot of cbt, I have gotten the p/a under control for the most part, but am still dealing with the agoraphobia.  It's the worst, I can't go anywhere alone either and am lucky to have a very understanding husband as well.  Even when we go out together, the panic can get really bad and I often head back for home before we get to where we were going.  I'm working on it in baby steps, using the cbt constantly.  I took a small notebook and used it to put my positive self talk and facts that I know about p/a in it, so when the panic gets bad I grab my book and read it over and over.  Sometimes when the panic is bad it's hard to change the direction of thought, so the book does it for me!  Stay with your therapy, learn the cbt until it's second nature too you and know that panic cannot hurt you!!!!!  Keep posting here, everyone is so supportive and it helps to know you are not alone!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/17/2007 2:38 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Wen

Welcome to Healing Well and the A & P Forum. I am so sorry that you are going through so much emotional pain right now.

I went through an episode of not wanting to leave home last summer.  I would get very anxious and want to go right back home to my safe space.

I avoided all family events and than I would feel so guilty and cry , asking my husband if I would ever get better. He always said "Yes, You will get better"

Please know you have come to a safe place where people know what you are going through and we are here to help you. Take our hands and let us help you through the maze.

Stay with us hun, and we will be your rock.  Post your feelings, get it out.

You are on the right track with therapy and CBT. Gentle Hugs to you.

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/17/2007 2:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both for replying. I am just so scared that I'm not going to get beyond this and this will end up being my life forever. My daughter has a play tonight and I'm not sure that I can go - I am feeling very anxious and just don't think it's a good idea. This just sucks!
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 
Yahoo IM screen name:  wen4003


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/18/2007 1:29 AM (GMT -6)   
wen, welcome.

You will get through this!!! I know when you're going through this stuff there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You will all of a sudden be in the light again. You're going through such a hard time and i think you should try not to beat yourself up over it, at all! Its so hard, and scary. We've all been there or are there right now. Its the most frightening horrible place in the world. BUT you will get through it!!!! You will. CBT is great! Its not a quick fix and takes lots of practice, but i noticed the benefits pretty early on. They were small, but i noticed them. I know its hard to stay positive in such bad times. I know that missing or the though of missing your daughter's play adds to the anxiety and guilt and all the other emotions you're feeling. I was just there and its very hard, but you'll make it!!! You're totally on the right track! Therapy, CBT, and just posting here will make things better for you. Please take care of yourself and even though you might not see the light, there is one and its bright! You'll be there, and you'll be happy again. I dont know if you're taking any medications, but if you were just in the hospital the medications can take some time to kick in...

please keep us posted. And know that you will not stay like this!
take things one day at a time, you'll get better!
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/18/2007 9:42 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Wen,

I am checking in on you and want you to know we are here so just keep on believing that you will get through this bad time, it just takes time and lots of work and the support of these wonderful members . You have friends here so keep posting.

Take our hand.................let us help you.

Gentle Hugs



Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 

Post Edited (stkitt) : 8/19/2007 9:01:54 AM (GMT-6)


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/18/2007 10:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all the support - because it really does seem like a very dark tunnel right now that I'm never going to get out of. It makes things a little easier knowing that I'm not alone in this and that others have gotten through this. I wasn't able to go to my daughter's play last night, which broke my heart but she was very understanding. I know she wanted me there but she understood why I couldn't - there were just too many people. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to accomplish school shopping for the kids - they need supplies and clothes. My husband just doesn't know about clothes and what to get them. OY!! The supplies are easy, he can do that but the clothes are harder because he just doesn't have a clue. I'm not sure that I can do it even if my husband is with me. So far, I can to a few places with him, but it's been small places and not many people.

It just makes me so sad and angry (all at the same time) that I'm such a loser that I can't do any of these things any more. I tried going for a short walk up my street the other day and couldn't do it. I couldn't even get out of my own yard and I was in tears. ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 
Yahoo IM screen name:  wen4003


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/18/2007 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey wen_

i know about all the frustrations that go along with this stuff. Really try, if you can -- its hard, but not to label yourself a loser. You're NOT a loser. It sounds like you have these thoughts that you want to and should be able to do these things, and because you cant they;re leading to the emotions of sadness and anger. The fact is you cant do somethings right now, and thats OK. Even though its really frustrating, especially getting the kids clothes, you need to try not to label yourself a loser. You're not. Really.

Here's a few things to practice, if you feel up for it that might change your perception of yourself and emotions. By changing the way we think about ourselves, the chain of events start to take place that start to change the way our emotions feel. So doing some of the same activities and looking at them in a different light might make you feel a bit better.
1. Have low expectations right now. While that might sound weird to do, try it. Remind yourself that you are going through very intense emotions and that they will pass, but it might take a while. Basically, if you can, try to except what is happening. This might lessen the anger.
2. Set small goals and try them. Take very small risks and reward yourself for them. Feel good about them. And start really simple. For example, today you can just try and get out of your yard. You don't have to go for a short walk, but just say to yourself "today i'm going to just go outside, and out of the yard". While you are doing this it is important to do a few things. Remind yourself the entire time " Its ok to turn around, if i dont make it out of my yard today its OK. I will make it soon, and i'm trying and thats what really matters". So yeah, if you make it out of the yard GREAT. If you dont GREAT TOO cause you tried Wen, and thats the important part.
3. Try to slow everything down. Even walk slower, read slower, type slower, breathe slower. This again is hard to do, so if you CANT do it, it OK. The trying is the important part. None of this should reinforce your thoughts of being a Loser. Again, it about perception and you are not a loser you're a strong individual! You're just in a really hard spot.
4. Maybe try, if you can only, to do something that will make you feel less guilt. Can you cook or make something for your daughter to let her know how PROUD you are, not sad or guilty YOU feel about not going, but how proud you are of her? You might feel incapacitated right now, so this may not be an option, but if it is maybe give it a shot. Make her some cupcakes or somethings she may like :). And again, if you CANT please please please remind yourself its ok.
5. Acceptance is a really hard one, so if you can even except part of what you are going through you are amazing. Its paradoxical, but it works, " I'm going through a hard time and its ok. Its ok to cry. Its ok to feel the emotions you feel. Its ok to be angry. Its all natural and its all ok.
6. I would encourage you to read (there are a ton of great books out there, but this one help me SOOOOO much) a book call Embracing the Fear. You can maybe have your husband go out and pick it up for you? Or you can definitely order it online.

What i learned over the past few weeks got me through the roughest hell I've ever been through. I personally am taking medications as well, but I've used some techniques that definitely deflated the anxiety / fear / anger / self doubt / This is never going to end feeling.

I learned that things happen in a certain order, and it becomes a cycle. For instance, You wanted to go for a walk. You had the expectations that you could do this, and when you went outside you couldnt. So, a few things happened.
The Action: Going outside
The Thought: Something like "I cant do this, I cant make it"
The Emotion: Sadness, you began to cry
The Result: You felt like a loser.

What i've been personally working on is the thought part. When it happens I'm like the gate keeper of thoughts. The thought springs up " I cant do this". Before I get to the emotional state, i try and slow things down. Ask myself some rational questions, then act upon that. " I cant do this". " Why cant i do this?" ( and when i ask myself its a very neutral non judgment voice, neutrality is the key, its observing the thoughts. " I cant do this because I feel like if i leave the yard something bad is going to happen to me" Then i try and challenge those thoughts. " I think its safe to say that nothing bad will happen, but for today I'm going to turn around because i feel uncomfortable" By doing this sort of self talk you are changing -- even just a little -- the emotion that comes along with it. The thought might be different, you may want to challenge it " I feel like something bad is going to happen to me when i leave the yard (thought)" Then self talk " Well, it looks safe out, i'm just going to move slow and just go a bit outside the yard and observe my thoughts".

If you make outside the yard you can do a few things, but maybe for now it would be good to say to yourself. " I'm outside of my yard and now I'm going to turn around and go back inside".

Anyways, at the end of the day you are a strong woman! You're going through the roughest. And you are not a loser, you are fantastic. You are sensitive and caring and those are great qualities to have. Its seems like when we're in these places we are hypersensitive to emotions, so remember Wen or try cause it very hard but the key is its OK to feel what you feel.

Hope this was a little helpful. Please keep us posted. And please only do things YOU feel comfortable doing. That also is very important. People may give you advice (like myself that may seem overwhelming). Remember these are suggestions and things that helped me. And to take things slow.

Be well to yourself, your not a loser. Losers do not display the courage you are display. Just by posting here you are putting yourself "out there" and thats awesome!

Keep us posted please.
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/18/2007 2:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow Dan - that was intense!! Thank you so much for all the great advice - my husband and my dad keep telling me to slow down and start being more patient with myself and with how things play out. I will also try to remember to start telling myself that it's ok if I can't complete something - at least I tried. I just get very frustrated with myself; but you made a key point that I need to start allowing for myself. Have lower expectations - that's a huge one for me. I will just be so glad when I'm not so scared of everything.

Dan and Kitt, thank you for your support!!
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 
Yahoo IM screen name:  wen4003


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/18/2007 3:17 PM (GMT -6)   
You are very welcome. And its really easy to say and hear things like "slow down" and "be more patient" but when we are in a panic state or heightened anxiety its really hard to do. I dont think its possible to just do that. I think there are small steps to get to that place of slowing down, both mentally and physically.

And try and remember that there was a time when you were not scared of everything. Even though it maybe impossible to see right now, you will be back there again -- stronger than ever. You will make it through this and learn more about it, so if it happens again you will be more prepared. You're going to be great, and the fear will go away. And you said it, low expectations is key. Its really hard, especially for me, to do that. I want to feel good again and fast, but time passing helps heal. And having low expectations allows you to begin the slow down process. Its very interesting how paradoxical both anxiety and panic are. You are going so fast that time stands still. We want time to pass, and by lowering expectations we except a piece of the problem and allow for time to pass.

Anyways, i can go on forever! Whether or not you recognize it or not, you are doing great. You excepting suggestions and taking in information. You are empowering yourself. You will get through this.

Keep us posted and be well to yourself.
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/18/2007 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   

Wen,

Just wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing today?  I hope that you will keep coming here, it really does make a difference to have people who understand what you are going through to support you.  Hang in there, you will get through this.


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/19/2007 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Junebug,

Thanks for checking on me - it really helps that so many people here care.

It was an exhausting day for me, but it wasn't horrible (at least not too horrible). I am not able to go anywhere by myself yet because I get so pannicky. But I can go somewhere with my husband (he's my safe person). I also have a very, very good friend that I can go places with - in fact we met up this morning (my husband dropped me off to her as I still can't drive) so that I could take the chance of getting my nails done. I know it sounds silly, but I really wanted them done. With my friend I was able to go in and was actually able to stay and get them done. It was a great hour because I was only a little pannicky/anxious and I got to spend some time with my friend (and I got my nails done - LOL). There weren't a very many people there so it made things a lot easier for me. If the place had been full, I think I would have had to leave.

Later in the day, my husband, kids and I went to visit a friend. She's knows all about my recent hospitilzation and current problems so she knew that I might not be able to even get in the house or stay too long. Well, I think I did pretty well - we stayed for about two hours before the anxiety really took over and I said I had to leave. Everyone (kids included) were very understanding when I said it was time to leave.

Even though I feel this was a good day, I still wish I could do these things on my own. But I know this will eventually happen - it will just take time. I'm just not always a very patient person.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 
Yahoo IM screen name:  wen4003


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/19/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Wen,

I hope you believe that this difficult and  unpleasant situation will end. Remember to set your goals small and attainable and take bay steps. If you fall back, start let it go and start up again. We are here to help you and support you.

You are not a loser, put another word in place of that when thinking of yourself. I will let you choose the positive word to describe yourself. :)

Gentle Hugs


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 8/19/2007 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Wen,

It sounds like you are doing pretty well with getting out.  I know you want to be completely independent again right now, but that will take some time for your nerves to heal and your confidence to re-build.  Right now you have to give yourself lots of credit for still getting out even if it's with your husband or friend.  It's steps like that that will keep you going in the right direction.  As Kitt said, this will not last and you will get through it.  Keep hanging here with this great group of people, they will help you so much!  Hope you have a great day!


janetlee
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Date Joined Mar 2006
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   Posted 8/20/2007 12:06 AM (GMT -6)   
No one expects a baby to be able to crawl, talk, walk, etc. just as soon as it's born. If a person is severely injured and gets treatment at the hospital, no one expects that person to jump up and start doing everything he or she was able to do right away...I'm using these examples to help you see that you do need to be patient with yourself and don't rush anything. An old saying goes: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." This is so true! With every step you make to get to recovery, you are that much closer to being better. Some days you may "fall down" and that's okay. The thing is to "get back up" as soon as you possibly can. Give yourself credit for each step you take, successful or not. The fact that you don't give up despite setbacks will continue to boost your confidence, day by day. You have done awesomely well! :) Please do yourself a favor and give yourself a big pat on the back! You deserve it!
janet
Who am I?
I'd like to know.
Would you?
See here...
 


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/20/2007 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much for the encouragement, I really need it because today I'm really feeling stuck. I'm not even sure why. I can't even walk out of the house today - I can't explain it, I've been able to walk out into my yard, but today I can't. Can someone explain this to me - why is this happening? I just want to cry.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/20/2007 3:07 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear Wen,

First of all hugs for you.  This is the illness kicking in, some days you can be fine and meet your goals.  Then all of a sudden you have a down day and today seems to be that day for you. 

Try not to worry but just stay in today and do what makes you comfortable. Tommorrow is another day.  Don't anticipate if is going to be a good day or bad day, just get up and live it. I know  you can overcome this phobia.

Take care and keep posting.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 8/20/2007 5:45 PM (GMT -6)   

Wen,

I think Kitt said it all perfectly.  This is the way this illness works, good days and bad.  I've been through the same thing where I've been able to go out one day and can't leave the house the next.  There have been days that I've been uncomfortable going into my own basement!  You'll get through this really tough phase, just use your cbt and try not to let your symptoms get the best of you!  Take care!


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/21/2007 8:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Again, thanks for the support - I just don't understand this illness enough yet and I'm still trying to get used to thinking "one step at a time". I'm just so frustrated and feel so worthless - I can't go out be a productive person like I used to be. Oh, I might as well stop typing - you get the point of where my thinking is at.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/21/2007 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   

Wen,

Do you like to read?  If you think you are in a place where you feel comfortable reading about panic/anxiety, you may want to check your local library or buy some books off of amazon, (I buy them used from them), and start learning more about this disorder.  I've read alot of books on the subject, and it does help to have a solid understanding of what you are going through.  My favorite author is Claire Weekes, she has several wonderful books that really help me feel better.  There are lots of others out there, and maybe a few others on the board here would offer up there favorite books/authors too, if you are interested.  Keep posting, we are all here for you!


wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 8/21/2007 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so glad that I joined this forum, what a great bunch of people here and I already feel like family. I have been doing some research online about anxiety and panic disorders, but would also like to read some actual books. I will take your advice and see what I can find on Amazon. With all of the issues related to the anxiety and panic I haven't even begun to research and learn about the Bipolar Disorder. This runs in my family (which I only found out about 3 years ago) but I've never done anything to learn about it, but now that I've diagnosed with it I want to learn about that too. But since the anxiety stuff seems to be the most pressing, I think I will stick with that for the moment. Thank you for the advice Junebug. I am just scared beyond belief that this is how my life is going to be from now on. *sigh*

Thanks again everyone for accepting me into your family so readily.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, and Narcolepsy
 


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 8/21/2007 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   

Wen,

You will not be like this forever, you will get through this tough time and see better days.  You are doing the right thing by learning as much as you can about your disorders.  The more you know the better!  I should have mentioned to look for books on e-bay as well, sometimes amazon has better deals, but others are cheaper on e-bay, so take a look there too.  Hang in there, you'll make it!


Sunshine1108
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 268
   Posted 8/21/2007 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Wen,
 
I'm truly sorry to hear you are going through this.  Everyone here has offered wonderful advice to help you get through this. 
 
Please do not be so critical of yourself.  Being more patient and taking life slower is definately a start. 
 
Joining this forum is one of the best things I did for my A/P.  It has helped me a great deal and I know it will help you to.  It means so much to be able to communicate with people who know what you are feeling. 
 
Your in my thoughts dear!
 
Hugs
Mary
~Take Life One Minute At A Time!
~What Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger!


janetlee
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 8/22/2007 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
wen4003 said...
 I have been doing some research online about anxiety and panic disorders, but would also like to read some actual books.
.

Hi Wen!
I've said it on this forum many times (heehee!) but I just have to recommend the books by Dr. Claire Weekes. I found the one "Hope amd Help for Your Nerves" to be excellent and easily understood. You can find a lot of books on ebay as well and get 'em used! Cheaper that way! I LOVE CHEAP! tongue
HUGS!
janet
Who am I?
I'd like to know.
Would you?
See here...
 


peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
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   Posted 8/23/2007 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
So much good advice in here not sure I can add to it....
I will say this; I'm 41 and have suffered PA's and agoraphobia for over 20 yrs. When I was 22, I was housebound for 7 months. I stopped driving, stopped going out. My life was at a dead stop.
Today I live an active life but still have the feelings of panic and dread. The difference now, I don't care anymore what others think.
How I got out of it, was through some therapy (never took drugs), exercising (working out at the gym took 95% of the anxiety away), changing my diet and really just facing it.
Feel the fear and do it anyway sort of deal
I was TERRIFIED the first time I went into a gym. But I got angry. Angry with myself, the world and angry that I allowed strangers (the public) to control where I was to go and do.
I had a "safe person" also. My ex. Then he dumped me after 11 yrs. At the time, I didn’t work and could not do anything alone.
And guess what? I was forced to do it.
I needed to work so I got a job w/in 3 days of him leaving. I had to eat, so had to go out and buy food etc. I was so scared. Man that was the worst time of my life.
I thought I was going to die. But I didn't die; I got angry and forced myself to do it
No matter how many drugs or how much therapy you will have, the only real solution is to get up and do it. Scary I know, but you will get past this.
I had one therapist that gave me the BEST advice I ever got. She said "ALL the points are in the trying and not the actual doing. Go to the grocery store and walk in, if you cannot buy food, at least you get points for getting into the store"
I used this method since (over 20 yrs).
I still live alone, I have the same job as when my ex left (7 yrs now), I still work out (it's been over 8 yrs), I have a new guy and I try to live my life.
I still get panic attacks and feel like I'm going to die, but I just keep pushing.
I was also just diagnosed with Lupus (am on the lupus part of this board) and that has brought out my anxiety like mad. So I am struggling now, but I will NEVER let this get to me again.
I get up daily with full blown panic, sore stomachs, headaches, dizziness, but I still get up every morning, get in my car and come to work. Why, cause I will not allow this panic to take over me.
Get angry....it works!
NEVER EVER feel like a loser. Would you think a cancer patient is a loser? Never!
We have problems, just like the rest of the world. Life is a struggle
I promise you, you will get through this. But you need to work hard.

Good luck, my heart is with you on this

Hug
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