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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/26/2007 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I thought I would give an update now that I am never on because of school.
 
When school started I put myself on a schedule and made it routine so that I would know what to do and when. To keep myself on track. It has helped with school. I know what I am supposed to do and when so it helps alot with worrying about when I am going to get things done, because I have times when I do certain things, so that is going well.
 
School has been very stressful and has triggered a lot of anxiety. I am trying my best to control it and not go crazy, which is hard. I have been having a lot of problems with concentration and focus, I have none at all!  I really wanted to do my very best this year and as much as I am trying, I just can't seem to focus on my work long enough to do it. So far, I have been able to push myself and I 'eventually' get it done, but I have to push myself to do it so much to the point it makes me hate that I can't just do it and get it over with the way I want.
 
I am still talking to my counselor, once a week. This past week I had been sick so it was a bad week, but I talked to her Friday and it was better. She sets goals for me to do for the week. This week my goals are to talk to my mom about going to a doctor in Nashville(Ped. Rheumy for my joint stuff), turn in my lingering Latin assignment(haha), and to tell her something I did that was fun!
 
She is just as frusterated about all my doctors not being able to figure out what is wrong with me so, she wants me to go to Nashville. I really want to go because I know the doctors there are better than here, but with my anxiety, I worry alot about traveling. I feel like I don't know what will happen. And I don't want to be rejected my yet another doctor insisting they can't find anything, again. But, on the hand, the 'real' me wants to go because I know if it is something they can find it and hopefully help me.
 
So, I don't know about that.
 
Friday, the day I talked to her, was actually the best day I have had in so long I can't remember! I was 'myself' again! It was great! I went shopping and met a bunch of my friends there. I saw my friend who has been in Iraq and came back for a week! I spent money which seems to make me feel better! :-)   But, I actually had a good time! That is amazing because I don't remember how long it has been since I have been 'myself'! It was ok yesterday too, but I can feel it coming back. It was really great though, I didn't feel depressed and I wasn't worrying. It was like my depression and anxiety went away completely!
 
But, it is slowly coming back. I feel it. I am trying not to let it. But, at least I had that time without it!
 
So, for now, I am going to stay on my schedule and hope it continues to get better, do my best in school, and continue talking to my counselor. She won't be there this week, but I have to go to her Monday when she comes back. So far, I have met my goal of being able to tell her something fun I did! Not sure if I can get that Latin assignment turned in, but I am going to try. And I doubt I can talk to my mom about Nashville, but trying is all I can do.
 
So, for a short update, that turned out really long, sorry. Well, thanks for being here!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/26/2007 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

Wow, you are doing well.  Can someone else go with you to Nashville, to drive, that would take off a lot of stress.  Also, attempt to not "out guess" the outcome but being afraid the Doctors there will not know what is wrong with you.  Just try to take it one day at a time.

Do you think perhaps your good day Friday was linked to not worrying about school as it was the week end.  Today is Sunday which means back to school...................tomorrow?  Whatever the cause, you had a good time.

Just a thought.

Keep on doing well. :)


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/26/2007 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you.
 
I won't be driving there myself. I haven't even gotten my license yet! My parents would be taking me. Along with my little brother and sister. My mom is more about going because she has never seen Nashville and imagines there is alot to do there.
 
I talked with my counselor about this. I want to go because I want to know what is wrong with me. Although, I do think going to Nashville would be fun, thats not why I want to go. Everytime my mom brings it up, she is all about 'well, I have never seen Nashville. It would be fun to spend the day there.' I think she is missing the point. To me its like she is using my doctors appointment as an excuse to go there and see everything. It's not like we can't just go to go there. That part bothers me. My counselor is working with me on that.
 
I try taking everything one day at a time, but I can't help worry what will hapen ahead of time. That's sort of my problem!
 
I am not sure about the weekend thing. I didn't go to the football game like my other friends or anything. Normally I am just as bad off on Friday's even though it is the weekend. But, for some reason this Friday was way different. I felt 'better' for a change. I wasn't depressed and I didn't even have anxiety really. At least I can't remember feeling like I did! It was weird, because I can't remember what it is like to be (I hate to say it like this but)...'normal'.
 
Yep, back to school tomorrow. I do my homework Saturday mornings so I don't have to worry about scrambling to get it done the night before I go back. So, that helps. 
 
My counselor is trying to get me to 'go out' more. I stay inside alot. So, I am trying to go outside and do stuff. So I am trying to make time to do that and still get everything done I need to before I have to make myself go to bed. 
 
Well, thanks so much! Maybe I can have more days like Friday! That would be nice!  

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/27/2007 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
WHOA and WOW!!!! both great responses just incase you are wondering. Ok, this is great news. For one you remembered how it felt when you dont have depression and anxiety "normal", which i think is fine to say :)! I think talking to your counselor is helping you tremendously. For one, she understands and seems to be helping you and that is so important for you. A support system! Also, breaking through the depression and anxiety, even for a few days is AWESOME. To me that is HUGE progress, so feel good, or at least tell yourself that you will beat this and you will feel like that again!!!! WAAAAAA HOOOOOO. It's a great feeling and I'm so very happy for you. To me anxiety and depression snowball in both directions. So you might have some bad days again, but i'm willing to bet you will feel some of those same "normal" feeling again really soon. I think this A/P has been a really strain on you and you really havent had the greatest support system, if i remember correctly ( if i'm wrong i apologize). Are you going to speak with your counselor again on friday? I'm really interested in seeing if there is a positive correlation with meeting with her. That would be great. That, to me, means you might just need a good therapist to talk to a few times a week maybe at the beginning and less as you start to feel better. Maybe thats all you really need :D. Maybe not, but you know what, its huge leaps forward my friend. HUGE. There's no doubt you will feel that way again. Don't get down on yourself if it doesn't happen right away, or if it doesnt happen again when you talk to your counselor. Just be well to yourself, thats the best thing you can do. It's really easy to beat yourself up, or say things like " i felt so good on friday and saturday, why don't i feel good now, will i ever feel good again". The answer is yes! You're doing awesome.

yay!
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/27/2007 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, what a response! Thank you!
 
You are correct in that I haven't had a support system. I haven't had anyone except you guys and now my counselor. I have also told my best friend, but we don't discuss it. I think it scares her and so I try not to say anything to her about it. But, now talking to my counselor I think is helping some because I don't have to hold so much in and worry about holding it in. It probably isn't a cure, but if I can just get some of my life back that would be great. I know someday it will come when I can be totally 'normal' again, but until then all I can do is push myself to be better. And try my best.
 
But, I won't forget what it felt like even for those 2 days. I wish so much that I could get back to that for good. It would be so amazing and I can't imagine it. For me, it would be a miracle. I am trying so hard. I am hoping my counselor can help me. She talks about how some people want to just give you a pill, but you still have to work hard on yourself to make it all better. If I were taking a pill to help me people would understand that I have something serious better. But, I am alos not the type that takes any kind of medicine for anything. But, I think if it gets worse it might be worth trying, but right now I am trying to work everything out with the help of my counselor.
 
Maybe I can get past it without anyone else knowing. Although, sometimes I just wish I could yell it out to the world. I hate people NOT knowing. Because they assume I am happy or whatever and never seem to understand. At some point I am going to tell everyone. No matter what. I believe everyone around me deserves to know what I am going through. It may scare some away, but maybe others will be more open to understanding what I go through everyday.
 
I am anxious at times when I just want to say it so bad, but I am not sure how people will react. Honestly, I don't care. I believe they deserve to know the truth. I feel as if I am lying about my life. I feel as if I am living within a secret only I know. I don't believe I am being honest with myself. I shouldn't be ashamed of what I am going through. I should get it out and use it as a positive experience to help others. I wish I could do this. At some point I AM going to do this. I just have to gain more self-confidence and believe in myself and stop caring so much about what others think of me.
 
Sorry, I just keep going. I feel the need to express my inner thoughts! Sorry about that. My counselor is away for the week. And Monday we are out for Labor Day, so it will be Tuesday when I speak with her next. Hopefully, everything will continue to go well, and I can reach my goals.
 
Anyways, sorry for venting! And thanks for being here for me!! It truly means a lot to me!

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/27/2007 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't be sorry about writing on here. I don't see it as venting. It's a positive step towards self improvement. Just think about your writing that way, k. Also, i know exactly how you feel about telling people. I just started opening up to people i trust individually and i was SHOCKED to find out how many of them have either experienced serious panic, or are dealing with or dealt with serious depression. It's like 3-5 people. Thats A LOT! And we're all from different walks of life, different ages, from different countries, and so on ( people i work with). Anyways, i think at your age a lot of the people with the similar symptoms self medicate with drugs and alcohol. I did for 10 years. I drank my anxiety away, or thought i was, but it was just a band aid and a really crappy one. You're a brave! I admire your approach and your mature outlook towards yourself and what you are going through. I'm sure there are TONS of other students going through the same sorta thing and don't know where to turn too. I think its great you have your counselor. It's a positive start. And you're right, its probably not a cure, but it made you feel better so there is some positive there. I know you want to feel normal again, but the whole thing with this stuff ( i still cant do it) is to embrace it. Its a paradox. Anxiety has no kindling without the thoughts to ignite and keep it a flame. A lot is so sub conscience that to train yourself out of it takes lots of practice. Its actually, and not to bring in a religious angle, but what a buddha is. Not a buddhist. A buddhist is someone trying to reach an enlightened state (nirvana) that is freed from suffering. People dedicated their entire lives in search of this feeling. Now, i dont think anyone needs to be a buddhist to walk free from mental anguish, but its the idea that people practice something, that other culture, and other people all over the world deal with suffering. I'm just using buddhism as an example cause i know some stuff about it, but it relates to the same practices and techniques as CBT -- very similar at least. There is a Buddhist monk from thailand who wrote a book called The Miracle Of Mindfulness. Well, I went into an outpatient program a few weeks ago and mondays were "mindfulness mondays" :) So mindfulness isnt CBT ( i dont think) but its pretty neat -- and useful enough that a very famous psychiatric hospital teaches to people like myself.

All kinds of people from all walks of life are searching for inner peace. Some of us just feel it more or something. You are self aware, you have a small support system (new), and you felt good a few days ago. All that will come back. Be proud, even though its hard cause those feeling are back, and the first thing we always ask ourselves is " Why did this come back, i felt so good, and now its back?" and "Am i always going to feel this way?". And the answers are, it came back because you just started school, you're just learning about what is happening to you mentally, and there are a ton of stressors on you from school. And no you wont always feel this way. You won't. :)

There's a lot of books you can read that might be helpful in the mean time. Just poke around the internet for CBT therapy or read more about anxiety and panic disorder. The more you know the better you will feel. CBT is really interesting and practical. There is also a book, which i love, called Embracing The Fear. My psychiatrist recommended it to me and i was sucked right into it. I was really into it, in fact I'm going to read some more tonight to help me relax a bit.

I'm no doctor, i have serious anxiety and panic disorder. I'm sick as I write this, and by sick, i'm really anxious right now (it was my first day back to work after taking a month off cause of panic) but i do know that by excepting what is happening to you in that moment helps a bit. Try it. Embrace what is going on -- " I have these anxious feelings and its ok to feel this way", it will take some of the power away from it. Like i said its paradoxical, but its true.

Also, take things one step at a time. You're doing so awesome, and i think you will get to a really comfortable spot soon. I think then you can open up to more people. I personally think that people around your age dont really understand certain life issues yet, and i would hate for people to make you feel guilty about how you feel... The "Oh come on, its not that bad". That's something I used to get all the time!!! You don't really need. open up to people that are kind, people that are understanding, and most of all people you are comfortable telling. The entire world doesnt really need or deserve to know, so don't feel like you're living a lie -- you're not. Your brave, strong, intelligent, and facing hard to face emotions head on. That's very admirable. Again, i just drank and looking back i wish i was more brave and dealt with it the way you are.

Keep writing, its good to get it out. You're gonna really love therapy. It's so great when you find the right person to talk to! Don't settle ( i went to 8 different, yep 8, before i met the one i've been with for 6 years!. :)

Wow this is long. You're doing great, you will feel those normal feelings again. Be kind to yourself. You rock.

best_
Dan :-)
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Post Edited (Danxiety) : 8/27/2007 9:31:50 PM (GMT-6)


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/28/2007 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, thanks so much!
 
That is very interesting. The mindfullness thing. I would be curious to learn more about it. I love learning about things, but learning things that I can relative to is even better. It sounds very interesting. I might try looking into that and the books. In my opinion I will try anything that has a possibility of helping(well, not 'anything'...you know what I mean)
 
Right now school is major. It is the one thing that stinks out beyond anything else. I worry about going, what will happen while I am there, the many people there, tests, deadlines, all kinds of stuff that school does to me. It seems I am constantly having to worry over so much homework(in every subject every night!). I wonder if teachers know how stressful that is for people like me. Also, the many tests. I am constantly having to take a test in something. I had one every day last week. And I had two today and I have one Thursday, as I know of. And we are already discussing our tests we are having next week. It just never stops.
 
Although, I am curious as to how my teachers would react to me if they knew this stuff about me. I have thought about it before. From a medical standpoint it would be good for a teacher to know that a student has a/p and could possibly have an attack during class. I think that one night I had a panic attack. I experienced another like it, but less intense. I tried my best to control it because I knew how it would go and that helped. I don't think I will have one during school ever because I usually try to hind my feelings at school so no one can tell, so I doubt it will happen. But, what if I continue to get worse and I do? It crosses my mind.
 
But, now that I am talking about it more, I think I would feel more comfortable telling people (not now) but soon. I think it would take some pressure off trying to hind myself all the time. I would worry about what people thought of me after telling them, but I try not to care about what others think. I feel very anxious about telling people. I often wonder and think about what it would be like if others knew. How would they respond? Would they treat me differently? How different would it be? Would I feel better?
 
These things I often wonder about. So...Just a little longer and I think I will be ready! Hopefully, anyways.
 
Well, here I am babbling again! Sorry! But, I said what I wanted to say so...thanks again!! :-)

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/28/2007 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Those are all very legitimate things to wonder about. You know, i really think that once you are feeling less anxious the weight of school will feel lighter. Meaning, you might still have a ton of homework and stuff, but your mind will quiet and you will not worry about it. It will feel a bit different. It really sounds like you've been in this state of being for a while now. I really think you should see a good doctor as soon as you can. I think once you are really feeling better you won't have a lot of the thoughts, concerns, and worries you have now. Like, you wont have to tell or feel like telling anyone anything about A/P because you will get to a point where it rarely effects you. You might have an occasional break through, but the idea is to get people out of that state for a good period of time. To me, a lot of your worries and concerns right now are totally driven by your anxiety and please know its ok to have those thoughts and feelings, its totally normal and the way anxiety and panic work.

Focus on seeing a doc for your anxiety and panic, getting better, doing nice things for yourself that reduces stress (its a hard one to figure out), and know that you will not be living in the constant state of heightened anxiety or panic for much longer. You're already heading in the right direction, but if you can, try and do one thing at a time. And to me that one thing is be kind to yourself and try not to think or worry about others. Its hard to do, i know it is cause i've been exactly where you are. Hang in there, and keep us posted.

I think right now you should be see a therapist once a week or more until you're feeling a bit better. Also, you might want to consider medication. I know its something thats not for all of us, but if you get a psychiatrist you trust then you might want to consider some help from medication. Of course its totally up to you and its not a cure, but it has helped a lot of people.

be well and keep writing!
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/28/2007 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I know you are right. Once I get passed this I will have the feeling I had Friday night all the time. Or most of the time! With occasional breaks, but that is normal for anyone. I have this way for quite some time now. At least 2 years, but to start with it wasn't bad and I didn't really notice. But, now I notice constantly and I know what it is so... I asked my mom if I could see a shrink. She told me to stop talking crazy or she would pack my bags and send me away and where I was going they didn't have tv dinners(all I eat). She said it seriously, which is bad, but if she meant it as a joke, I didn't think it was funny.
 
I feel as if she uses it as a joke. She stuff like that sometimes. Once I walked out the front door really mad and we had been yelling and I could have swore she said 'go do something to yourself', after I had slammed the door. What she meant was cut or hurt myself. We watched a movie about a cutter and I told her I was depressed and she was like the mom in the movie. I always said to her, 'what if' I start doing that because you didn't get me a shrink? That's what she was referring to. I know I heard her say it. Or at least I am pretty sure that's what she said. Which means she uses it to poke fun at. That obviously doesn't make anything better. My mom is one of my triggers.
 
We fight often because she is kind of selfish. In like, she seems to only care about herself(and her dog). We fight about everything. She is NOT a good listener at all. So, when we fight that is usually a MAJOR trigger for me. And school of course.
 
Also, another trigger is just thinking about what I am going through. It's like the problem triggers the problem.
 
I do often try to remember what I used to be like. Or, what would I be like now if this hadn't happened? It's weird to think about. Where would I be? It's like, what if, what if, what if. Alot of what if's. But, I can't seem to stop dwelling on the past and focus on my future.
 
I can't go to a therapist to get medication, even though I wish I could. I don't like taking medications for anything, and taking them could make it worse, but right now I am desperate and I am willing to at least try. But, I can't go to a therapist by myself.
 
My counselor has mentioned that some people give you a pill to make you better, but you still have to work with talk therapy. So, I got the talk therapy covered with her! I've only been twice and feel a little better about myself, but it hasn't made my condition better. I am going to keep trying my best though because right now it is my only shot. And she will continue working with me as long as I need so I know she will be there for me. Right now, I am going once a week so...I will update weekly on how it went, if time permits! School is draining my time so much. I can never do anything.
 
Well, thanks so much, but a huge pile of homework is yelling my name!!

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/28/2007 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
try that book. are you over 18? you dont need to answer, but what that means is if you are you dont need you parents consent to see a shrink. Also, there are a lot that will give college students a break or take you on for practically free, cause they know most college kids are broke. I think there probably a teen resources as well, if you're not 18. I think it would be great if someone with medical experience could explain to your mom whats going on. It shouldn't be a "see mom i told you so", cause i'm sure she loves you very much. but hopefully it would allow her to see that you not exaggerating.

Hmmmm.

I look into resources online later and get back to you.

Take care.
dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/28/2007 9:14 PM (GMT -7)   
So i've been digging around online. Havent found much, but maybe some of these links will help. There are email addresses and stuff and maybe you can email some of the people and tell them the basics. "Hi, i'm -- years old and suffer from panic and anxiety disorders, i'm looking for resources in the area that maybe able to help, any suggestions would be appreciated" You can just say something like that. I know its different in each state, so it might be helpful to get information from people close by. You mentioned nashville so thats where i've been looking. I would suggest getting a web based email addy (yahoo, hotmail, gmail) for this too, so you can feel safer and more anonymous. And dont give anyone any personal information, they dont need to know anything.

a group that meets. maybe email the facilitator and ask if they know of any resources for people your age and in your area
http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/tennessee/p/bridges.htm

A list of link and resources for middle tennessee, not sure if its helpful, but its the Mental Heath Association Of Middle Tennessee's page:
http://www.ichope.com/index.cgi?token=106730578&page=plhelp-links.html

Another:
Panic Self-Help Group
Women's Center
671 Emory Valley Road, Oak Ridge, TN 37830
481-1828 (org)

Also, do what feel comfortable. If it doesnt feel right going this route, there are others for sure. Just trying to help a little bit -- BUT ONLY DO what you are comfortable with. If it dont feel right, it probably isnt.

Anyways, take it easy. Hope your day tomorrow is a little bit better. And keep writing.

Best_
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/29/2007 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, that was very nice of you to do. Thank you.
 
I don't mind saying that I am only 16. And, I don't have my license yet so...I am dependant on my parents. Unfortunately.
 
Today has been worse. I am trying to think...its like when you see something new that you want and all of a sudden you notice this new thing everywhere you go. Everyone has this thing you want. And everywhere you go people are talking about it. Or something about it comes on tv constantly, but you never noticed this happening before? That's what it's like going through this.
 
The depression, anxiety, everything. Everywhere I go people are talking about it or something to do with it. It is driving me crazy. The thing I hate most is when other people make fun of others. I hate that so much. All day today it seemed as if everyone was talking about other people. They were talking about people mentally. People talk. I tell them to, I tell them it isn't nice to say that stuff. It makes me mad. It makes me think, what would they say about me if they knew. They don't know how it feels to be going through whatever it is they are making fun of or talking about.
 
And I noticed, we do these bellwork questions in English everyday, one of the questions is like 'what would be the worst possible psychological problem you could go through. And can't be anything that has to do with harming thyself.' Then we have to write a paragraph explaining our opinion.
 
That gets me down. We share what we put sometimes, too. What if someone puts what I am going through. My answer would be anything worse than what I am already experiencing. Which I can't put, because only my friend knows so... Ony the day we do that one though, our teacher will talk the entire time about it, like she often does. And all the other students will talk about it, and only make me feel worse. That will be the day I jump in and explain it to them when they say something that upsets me. And I never say anything, I am quiet, but that day may be different.
 
But, anyways, I am going on about that. Today has been worse. And I some really BIG important tests tomorrow. And all the days after that! Yet, I can't concentrate to study or anything. I am so overwhelmed. I hate having to be like this. All I can do is hope something good comes after this.
 
Anyways, got to go TRY to study(understatement of the year...). Thanks so much for finding all of that info for me. I will look into it when I get some time. Thank you so much!

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/29/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis,

I am glad things are getting better for you in someways. I wanted to wish you the best on your test tomorrow, hang in there and you will be fine.
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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http://www.healingwell.com/donate
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/29/2007 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello,

We will be right here after you test, so just know we are with you in spirit whispering answers in your ear :)

Gentle Hugs
Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/30/2007 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
:-)  Thanks!
 
I was super nervous, and even broke down crying last night knowing I wasn't going to do well because I couldn't, for the life of me, concentrate on studying. As much as I wanted to do well, I couldn't study. Honestly, I am very intelligent and I set very high standards for myself. Standards I have always been able to succeed at, but now that I am getting worse, it is starting to affect that. It is getting so much harder and overwhelming with school. I am having a hard time concentrating and focusing. I feel like I can't do it, and I know that isn't true.
 
But, also others around me expect a lot out of me. I am quiet and to myself, so many people don't realize my intelligence, but all my teachers know it. It is getting harder because when my grades go down and I can't do it anymore they are going to notice. Grades and education is the most important thing to me. I am a Type A perfectionist with very high standards, but I have always been able succeed with flying colors. I am not used to being anything less than that. I know that sounds bad, but that is just who I am. Failure for me is just not acceptable in my mind.
 
BUT, in the midst of all that, I think I did good on the test! I tried so hard to force myself into studying and I think I did ok. Not sure yet. Very nervous to find out though. I also have an Anatomy and History test next week, so I have to worry about those right now! It never ends!
 
But, thanks for the support! It means a lot! And thanks for being here for me!

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 8/30/2007 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
YAY!. Glad to hear that you feel you did good on your test! I hope you feel a little better.

best_
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 8/31/2007 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
For those wondering how I did on the test, I made an 85. Which in my book isn't great. Could have been worse, yea, but I have high standards for myself so compared to my other work it isn't good. I was disappointed when I found out, but I guess it could have been worse considering the state of mind I was in at the time. And considering I couldn't study and was scared out of my mind!
 
Anyways, I am going try to make this weekend really good! I am going to do everything I can! Stay busy and keep my mind of everything and do things I am normally afraid, for example, I babysit my friends baby who turns 1 Wednsday and his party his tomorrow! I am going to that. May go play tennis. I am going to stay in the pool. Maybe golf. Watch my favorite tv show, House! Anything I can do to stay busy and try to have fun! That way Tuesday I will have some things to tell me counselor!
 
Well, I guess I better be going! I hope everyone has a GREAT Labor Day Weekend! And Have Fun!

olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 8/31/2007 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis,

85 is not too bad, considering you thought you were going to fail. Next time you know to push yourself and get all A's.

You should go out and have fun, it will make you feel better. Hang in there, Tuesday is not too far away. Hope you have a great Labor Day.
Olivia
Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar 1, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/2/2007 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Ok, this past week I have noticed my anxiety and depression have been lower, but my body pains have been higher. Everyday something hurts. First it was my right knee and hip, then my right shoulder which spread into my neck eventually. Then, both knees. Now, my left shoulder and arm. The past week different things have been hurting everyday. My back has been hurting today, also.

I just hate never being able to tell what it will be everyday. Everyday is different and I never know how I will be. Having the depression and anxiety down helps, but the pain all over doesn't. I am just so tired of it all.

I didn't think I would ever get out of bed today. I was just so tired and still am, but I knew I had to make myself get up. I just wish I could go to sleep for a year and wake up completely refreshed.

Well, I just needed to vent some. Thanks.

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