You are on the right track. I used to sit down and cry as I was afraid if I had to go back upstairs and put my children back in their own beds one more time I might really physically hurt them. I had to remove myself from access to them when I became angry until I learned some newer parenting techiques. I would go outside and stand in the snow in the winter. J
The last person I adviced on this very topic was a dear friend of mine as she is a single parent and struggles with this same issue. this is what I sent to her.
If you are having difficulty disciplining your child, it is important to remember that you may not be doing anything wrong. All children are different and have different temperaments and developmental levels and a style of discipline that may work with other children may not work with yours
You should understand that how you behave when disciplining your child will help to determine how your child is going to behave or misbehave in the future. If you give in after your child repeatedly argues, becomes violent or has a temper tantrum, then he will learn to repeat this behavior because he knows you may eventually give in (even if it is only once in a while that you do give in). If you are firm and consistent then he will learn that it doesn't pay to fight doing what he is eventually going to have to do anyway. Some children, however, will feel like they won if they put off doing something that they didn't want to do for even a few minutes.
Be consistent in your methods of discipline and how you punish your child. This applies to all caregivers. It is normal for children to test their limits, and if you are inconsistent in what these limits are, then you will be encouraging more misbehavior.
Your absolutely right, you were a child of abuse and that can set you up for being an abusive parent, however, you don't have to turn into your Father. Be true to your heart and keep posting here. Lean on us and we will hold your hand. Work with that therapist and beat the urges that overcome you. Leave the situation if you must until the frustration and anger passes.
I am not a professional, just another parent.
Gentle Hugs to a good man.