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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/6/2007 3:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I am having a problem. And, I don't know what to do. I am talking to my school counselor, and it helps sometimes, but I don't think it will fix anything. I really hate to say anything about it all on here, but I am not comfortable with my counselor yet and I have a very hard time saying things out loud. I can write my thoughts better. So, here goes.
 
Some of you probably have kids and would resent them if they came on here to say what I am about to say, and I understand, but I can't hold it in.
 
I have a huge problem with my mom. She seems to be a huge trigger to my anxiety and depression. I love and all and I appreciate everything she does, but she is not a good listener and we argue a lot. She doesn't like to here what I have to say. And she sometimes makes comments that make me plunge into deep anxiety and depression. To the point that I want to hurt myself. Luckily, I have some self-control. I find something that takes my mind off of it. So, I can control myself in that sense. But, she makes me so angry. I really hate that I have to say these things about her, but it is truly how I feel.
 
I just don't know what to do. She won't listen to anything I say to her. She says hurtful things to me. And she won't take what I say seriously. We have never been a close family, like we don't sit at the table and eat dinner while discussing our day, feelings, and thoughts. I just want to crack everytime I am around her. I want to blow up and just start yelling and throw a huge fit. I would, but I would also get into trouble.
 
My point is, I don't know what to do. I can't stand being around her. I know that sounds so bad, but she makes me so angry and it hurts me so much. We constantly fight and argue. I try not to, but it just happens. I try. I would discuss this with my counselor, but like I said, I am not comfortable enough yet to open up any with her. I feel horrible talking to anyone about my mom, but I had to get it out. I love her so much, but I can't help these things I feel.
 
Well, thanks so much for being here. I am open to any opinions, thanks.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/6/2007 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, this is Kitt. I would like to suggest that sitting down with your Mother and attempting to calmly explain to her  when she says hurtful things it makes you feel emotionally drained.  IMHO, You need to learn to redevelop your core values and the best way to do this is through therapy. I had to do this very thing as my stepmother convinced me I was worthless, stupid and fat.

I have finally learned that what I learned in my youth was not who I really am.  I am a worthy and caring person as you are.

If your feeling down, seek help. You can always come here and vent as that is why we are here.  We support you as we think every person has the right to peace and happiness.

Hugs


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/6/2007 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Kitt. I have tried to talk to her calmly. And explain everything to her. She says things that make me believe she doesn't really accept what I am saying to her. And she thinks, I guess because I am a teenager, that I am exaggerating and have no clue what I am talking about. She just says to 'live with it' or 'everyone goes through the same thing' or join the crowd'. She doesn't take me seriously. She doesn't understand that I really do mean it is bad and what I am experiencing is real and serious. She doesn't see that I really do mean it no matter what I do. She will freak out when she finds out that I have been going to my school counselor for about a month now. I asked her for therapist for my 16th birthday. She told me to stop talking crazy. I explained but she pushes me away. Eventually she starts yelling and arguing and I try to persist until I get upset and storm away.
 
Well, I am going to try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully it will be better. Thanks for the help.

cassay
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/7/2007 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
you know what, this what you've explained seems a lot like how me and my mom were, however my mom is my best friend now, i'm 20 and I never had a panic attack up until now I THINK i'm not even sure what's wrong with me, but my mom was really mean to me at time and we argued a lot because we were dealing with a lot. My family is really close now but we still wouldn't eat at the table really and we never did growing up at all. my mom still doesn't take things i say seriously when i'm sad about stuff or when i may, yes be freaking out... but she just says "oh STOP your being ridiculous" i know the feeling of someone not taking you seriuosly but my mom eventually understood when i went calmly crying to her because i felt like she didn't love me anymore. I felt so low and horrible that she didn't care about my feelings regaurdless of how stpid it was in her mind cuz i feel that was for a reason. i dunno i hope things get better for u, i'm sure they will.

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/7/2007 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Yea, I hope it does get better. Did you say you hadn't had a panic attack until now? IO think I had one a few weeks ago. thats when I decided it was bad enough I needed to talk to someone, thats when I went to my school counselor. I have been going once a week ever since. I have felt that way again since then, but not near the intensity as it was that night. But, I don't know what I will do if it happens like it did that night. I was so scared and thought I was going to die. It was so bad. I had never felt like that before.

I have always wished my family were close and did stuff together. Kind of like the t.v shows I guess. I just wish I could feel comfortable talking to my family.

I am just hoping my counselor will help, along with, of course, me helping myself. I have changed a lot of things to try and help myself, but nothing as helped any. I am going to go to her as long as possible though. She makes me feel like I can be secure and not have to be totally alone. She is the only one I have talked to personally. We talk once a week about my problems face-to-face. I really enjoy it.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I hope a lot of things change and I get better. Thanks for sharing that about your family. Makes me be hopeful that my family will become closer one day. Thanks!


cassay
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/11/2007 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, well it seems like your on the right track to try to help yourself. And that's good, your recognizing your problem and taking care of it instead of letting it get out of hand. Good luck with that, and I'm really sorry about your family. Mine is in a sense the same way, we never went on vacations really, and if we did it was my mom not my dad, he's kinda antisocial although i love my dad more than anything and he is an absolutely wonderful person he has like social anxiety or something? I dunno, i played basketball for 10 years and my mom was there for every game and i can remmeber my dad being there for maybe two. and I must of played of a million games it seems.. but ya know, sometimes that's just what cards you've gotten dealt, and it's your choice how you create your future, you can't change what you were born into but you'll do fine. How old r u? I'm 20 almost 21. Do you have myspace?

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/12/2007 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Yes, thank you. It scares me that one day it will get out of hand and I am the type of person that would not let that happen. And it can slowly happen over time and before I know it, it could be out of hand and I won't even realize it. It is just not acceptable to me, it's the type of person I am. I understand the family thing. My dad is opposite of yours though. He would rather be abround me more than anyone else. I guess I understand him more and he seems to enjoy being with me. When I got hurt earlier this summer, it was a week before a vacation to the beach. He was bummed that I couldn't go, and even more bummed that if I did go, I couldn't get in the ocean(which I love so much). We go really far out with ours boards and have a great time, so he was bummed that I wasn't able to.

So, he called and had it cancelled to another time later when I would be able enough to get in the water and do the things I love so much. BTW, it was a lawn mower accident where I 'accidently' stuck my foot under it and almost lost some toes, had some stitches and couldn't walk. The doctor said if I got in the ocean it would probably get infected and I would lose my toes, foot, or entire leg. So, I opted not to. That's what he cancelled it! But he owuldn't go unless I could go!

Anyways, sorry, I went to my counselor today. It was a huge bummer. Something about the feeling of her office, and sitting there talking with her, I was so scared. I couldn't breath. I had time to think about it before I went so I got really nervous and felt like I couldn't breath and got really hot. I was going to tell her some things I have really been trying to talk to her about(the last 2 or 3 times I have went) and when she asked me if had anything to talk to her about I shook my head no. I couldn't do it. I can't believe it. I was so upset with myself. I understand it takes time, but I have been wanting to do it so bad and when my chance came I let myself down.

I can't believe I couldn't just tell her. It sounds so easy, so why is it so hard to actually do. I am thinking of just writing her another letter and giving it to her next time so she can read it then we can talk. I just have a really hard time talking about stuff. I get so nervous and so scared I can barely talk. I feel like I can say and express things better in a letter. I will probably end up doing this because it is depressing me that I can't tell her and I want someone to know. So, I guess a writing it down and giving it to her is the only way, because I can't say anything out loud.

Well, anyways, thanks so much. Also, I am 16. And, yes, I have a myspace. If you would like to check it out its www.myspace.com/wilson_gal22 You have one? I am a huge Grey's Anatomy fan so you will probably see that on mine ALOT! But, enjoy. Thanks so much for the replies. I will let you guys know how the letter goes. Thanks so much!!


mayy
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 9/12/2007 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 Hello,TeNNiSdOC09, I'm surely not 16 anymore,but I remember those times.My mom isn't here any longer,I know NOW under it all,she had a big ,loving heart.Just couldn't show it to no one for fear I think SHE wouldn't be accepted with her own feelings. I'm not trying to analize here,but maybe she had all the same issues and feelings as you do and couldn't face them around you.You brought up perhaps her own pain and she couldn't handle THAT,not YOU necessarily.Don't know?At 15 ,I would break windows and pound in walls and then I would literally run away from home. Then I married to get away from her verbal and physical abuse.I wanted so much to connect finally with my mom,as I knew she didn't have long to live.I didn't get to and issues still remain today I have to deal with that I never could back then.I really loved her so very much,even with all our problems.Maybe she can't take you on cause she really can't stand herself and you remind her too much of herself and all she deals with ,which is perhaps the same things you are going thru yourself.Fear hates the same fear in another.It's like looking in a mirror and perhaps that feels threatening to her.And sometimes older folks just can't face the truth like we are willing to today.By the way,I'm not 16 anymore,but much older,but I still feel like I'm still back there.There was also horrible sexual abuse in my family toward me and that always hurts a relationship with mom and daughter. Now, when these issues arise,I still can't talk face to face with her,so I go to the Lord and ask him to convey things to my mom I want her to know and I still cry alot .Only now it's on His shoulders and I ask him to tell my mom and talk to her for me.It helps. Maybe you can take this to your therapist and see what she suggests.Your mom surely put on you a lot of negativity,I feel of her own mind.I'm sure you feel like you are being punished and hurt for something you have not even done at all.And who wouldn't hate and resent THAT. Under it all,I know you really love her,but feel so afraid and conflicted over your relationship with her and I bet you think it's all YOUR fault,and 'IT'S NOT!! Love you and really feel for your pain.At 16,you don't want to just walk away from dealing with this and that's the hardest part for you. My heart goes out to you so much. Maybe,I'm all lopsided on this,but I wish you well and will take your needs to God.God does not want you suffering this way.He is a God of peace and love.And He knows all you go thru each and every second. With all love to you,  mayy. sad     Maybe a different therapist might help you more. (Boy!I needed to write this in another color eyes )

Post Edited (mayy) : 9/12/2007 8:33:47 PM (GMT-6)


mayy
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 10/8/2007 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi tennis,  how are you doing? Wanting to say 'hi' and maybe give me some feedback on the e-mail I sent you.Love,mayy.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/9/2007 3:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
For many yrs I did not get along with Mom and argued with her about everything
I never thought she was able to understand me and I her

As I grew into a woman and became a mother I learnt many times she was afraid of doing the " wrong" thing with me ...........

I am going thru the same right now with my Cait and it is ripping me apart.........

We were always so close and loving........she is growing up and finding her path in life she still will come to me but not as often and our screaming matches are severe lately

I am told and hoping it will pass as I know now since losing my Mom a couple of yrs ago ............I would do anything to have one more minute with her

I agree with Kitt I believe Therapy is your best bet

LYN
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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/9/2007 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Mayy: I do not believe I have recieved an email from you?
 

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/9/2007 5:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Lyn, I know therapy is the best thing for me. But, I don't know how I am to go about getting to that point. I am talking to my school counselor, but I am not comfortable telling her everything. And somethings she needs to know, but I am afraid to tell her. I want the help. I want a therapist, but I don't have the courage to speak up about some recent (major) problems I have developed. Although, I know its the right thing. I have been thinking of a way to tell my counselor so she can get me the help I need.
 
But, I dont want her telling my parents everything. I don't want them to worry so much about me, or get mad. I don't want people acting weird around me just because they feel it will hurt my feelings or something. I don't want to be treated any differently. But, I know I really need to tell my counselor. She doesn't know it is as bad as it really is. I am not being totally honest with her, and for that I feel guilty. But, I don't have the heart to tell her something thats so horrible. But, until I tell her, I won't make any progress and it will only get worse. That is the worst thing that could happen. I will tell her soon, hopefully. I just have to get the courage. I am really afraid I will not be able to handle it and if she freaks out on me I will fall apart. I just don't think I can handle telling her. And there is no way I could handle my parents knowing everything. I breakdown just thinking about it.
 
Once everything about me is known, everything will change so much. I am afraid of change. Or at least this kind of change. I don't want to be treated differently. I just want to get better and be myself again. Bottom Line...
 
I know the first move has to come on my part though. I have to tell my counselor. I just freeze everytime I see her. I am thinking about it constantly though. The thought never leaves my mind. I want to tell her so bad too. I want help. I want to be better.
 
So, for now, it will just be a thought. When I am ready and able, I will speak up. Hopefully that will be very soon. Hopefully. So, wish me luck! Take care! And thanks!
 

mayy
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 10/15/2007 11:53 PM (GMT -7)   
TeNNiSd0C09 said...
Mayy: I do not believe I have recieved an email from you?
 
confused TeNNiSdoco9,My reply to your post is the 4th one down . The color is light blue. Mayy.  It wasn't an e-mail.It was a reply to your post you posted on 09/ 06/07 .


 
                          G O D        B L E S S
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Post Edited (mayy) : 10/16/2007 1:05:40 AM (GMT-6)

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