Hi, this is Kitt. I would like to suggest that sitting down with your Mother and attempting to calmly explain to her when she says hurtful things it makes you feel emotionally drained. IMHO, You need to learn to redevelop your core values and the best way to do this is through therapy. I had to do this very thing as my stepmother convinced me I was worthless, stupid and fat.
I have finally learned that what I learned in my youth was not who I really am. I am a worthy and caring person as you are.
If your feeling down, seek help. You can always come here and vent as that is why we are here. We support you as we think every person has the right to peace and happiness.
Yea, I hope it does get better. Did you say you hadn't had a panic attack until now? IO think I had one a few weeks ago. thats when I decided it was bad enough I needed to talk to someone, thats when I went to my school counselor. I have been going once a week ever since. I have felt that way again since then, but not near the intensity as it was that night. But, I don't know what I will do if it happens like it did that night. I was so scared and thought I was going to die. It was so bad. I had never felt like that before.
I have always wished my family were close and did stuff together. Kind of like the t.v shows I guess. I just wish I could feel comfortable talking to my family.
I am just hoping my counselor will help, along with, of course, me helping myself. I have changed a lot of things to try and help myself, but nothing as helped any. I am going to go to her as long as possible though. She makes me feel like I can be secure and not have to be totally alone. She is the only one I have talked to personally. We talk once a week about my problems face-to-face. I really enjoy it.
So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I hope a lot of things change and I get better. Thanks for sharing that about your family. Makes me be hopeful that my family will become closer one day. Thanks!
Yes, thank you. It scares me that one day it will get out of hand and I am the type of person that would not let that happen. And it can slowly happen over time and before I know it, it could be out of hand and I won't even realize it. It is just not acceptable to me, it's the type of person I am. I understand the family thing. My dad is opposite of yours though. He would rather be abround me more than anyone else. I guess I understand him more and he seems to enjoy being with me. When I got hurt earlier this summer, it was a week before a vacation to the beach. He was bummed that I couldn't go, and even more bummed that if I did go, I couldn't get in the ocean(which I love so much). We go really far out with ours boards and have a great time, so he was bummed that I wasn't able to.
So, he called and had it cancelled to another time later when I would be able enough to get in the water and do the things I love so much. BTW, it was a lawn mower accident where I 'accidently' stuck my foot under it and almost lost some toes, had some stitches and couldn't walk. The doctor said if I got in the ocean it would probably get infected and I would lose my toes, foot, or entire leg. So, I opted not to. That's what he cancelled it! But he owuldn't go unless I could go!
Anyways, sorry, I went to my counselor today. It was a huge bummer. Something about the feeling of her office, and sitting there talking with her, I was so scared. I couldn't breath. I had time to think about it before I went so I got really nervous and felt like I couldn't breath and got really hot. I was going to tell her some things I have really been trying to talk to her about(the last 2 or 3 times I have went) and when she asked me if had anything to talk to her about I shook my head no. I couldn't do it. I can't believe it. I was so upset with myself. I understand it takes time, but I have been wanting to do it so bad and when my chance came I let myself down.
I can't believe I couldn't just tell her. It sounds so easy, so why is it so hard to actually do. I am thinking of just writing her another letter and giving it to her next time so she can read it then we can talk. I just have a really hard time talking about stuff. I get so nervous and so scared I can barely talk. I feel like I can say and express things better in a letter. I will probably end up doing this because it is depressing me that I can't tell her and I want someone to know. So, I guess a writing it down and giving it to her is the only way, because I can't say anything out loud.
Well, anyways, thanks so much. Also, I am 16. And, yes, I have a myspace. If you would like to check it out its www.myspace.com/wilson_gal22 You have one? I am a huge Grey's Anatomy fan so you will probably see that on mine ALOT! But, enjoy. Thanks so much for the replies. I will let you guys know how the letter goes. Thanks so much!!
Post Edited (mayy) : 9/12/2007 8:33:47 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (mayy) : 10/16/2007 1:05:40 AM (GMT-6)