Help I need some answers

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gary1598
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/18/2007 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   

I am currently am with a SO and have been for 2 yrs.....She was diagnosed panic/anxiety years ago....had remeron in her glove box before Imet her that she wouldnt take for fear of the side effects.....It has been 2 years of walking on eggshells.. watching wha tI say.. the simplest things that normally two people can converse, discuss, or disagree about raises her anxiety level.. she has yelled at me, raged at me and stormed out the door in a panic mode to get away from the situation... She has denied from time to time that she even has it.. althou her daughter has told me she is way over the top emotionally which of course I see everyday.. As well as her brother telling me she is hypersensitive to everything....Now she didnt have that great of a childhood.. Her mother who was also diagnosed panic/anxiety gave her up to her aunt when she was 4 yrs old.. she was then told at 14 that they werent actually mom dad and siblings but aunt uncle and cousins.. so I know she has been through the ringer... Her response is always to me that I am just going to go out and find a guy to love me for me... and that kills me.. I love her to death but apparently it isnt enough for her.. Id really like some imput as to whether this is common interaction for panic/anxiety.. Im getting to the point where I realize you cant help someone who doesnt want to hepl themselves... but I would support her 100%...but it has to start with her.. Help!


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/18/2007 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Gary

Welcome to Healing Well.

You do have a situation as it does not appear you have never been with this person when she is not anxious.  If she has been carrying Remeron around for 2 years it does not appear that she is serious about recognizing her anxiety disorder if indeed that is what it is.

I would suggest talking with her about her health issues and asking her to make an appointment with her physician to get her on the road to a better life.

I am sorry, but IMHO, if she does not, your relationship will not improve but perhaps become worse.

This can not be healthy or sastifying for you to be with someone who  "has yelled at me, raged at me and stormed out the door in a panic mode to get away from the situation..." 

Please attempt to get her to recognize her need for help, without her desire to face her problems there is not a lot you can do alone.
Again a Warm welcome and stay with us. :)
 
Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 9/18/2007 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Except for the past few days, I've been doing well with A/P disorder over the last few months (since accepting treatment), but still cannot imagine a girl putting up with me so I've been avoiding that part of life. I know it can't be easy.

But if she pursues treatment, she will get better. How much better she gets depends on a lot of factors. Honestly, it will probably be a long road because it's a progressive disorder that when left untreated generally does get worse and worse. She's had it a long time.

But one thing working in her favor (whether she acknowledges it or not) is that she apparently does have someone who care for her just the way she is. You're obviously a patient man, and if you can convince her to accept treatment your being with her will probably accelerate her recovery. I believe if I had a girlfriend who was cool with this, I'd be a lot farther along. A/P sufferers get trapped in their own minds, see. They become very self-centered. I'm not trying to insult anyone (I'm part of the group) but it's just the truth. As a result we cannot see things logically. Everything is distorted. When I go through my "bad spells" I fall back into the same traps. Another person around (the right person) would probably stem some of that.

The thing you have to remember is, you're not her therapist. If you were, it would be dysfunctional. Number one, she needs medical help that you cannot give her but can perhaps convince her to pursue. I'm not a big believer in psychotherapy, but in her case where things clearly go back to her childhood, it may be necessary. You can't be that person. It has to be an objective professional. You're not that, but you can point her in the right direction.

Somehow you have to convince her that she can get better if she makes these steps. I'd point her to this forum for starters.
My Brain: My friend, My enemy: A blog to chronicle my attempt to recover from anxiety/panic disorder
anxietypanicdisorder.blogspot.com/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/18/2007 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gary

I was a bit like this with a" wonderful loving do anything in the world for me man" and it was hard for me to stop having the a/p attacks and letting him "IN" to the real me ....I had very bad childhood as well ....BUT .....I have learnt like Debaser has said he could not be my therapist .....first he doesnt have this Disorder secondly it would be dysfuctional as posted ..........I do all kinds of self help techniques and rarely touch my benzo's now ....only when needed.........and I have come along way with the ppl like Debaser and Lil sis at my side ........

Support is tantamount and I really hope she will come here
I had to learn to let him in and give him the love I really and honestly did have for him and finally I was able to see the light and that no matter what HE DID love me for me and my a/p and all other illnesses I have been going thru and my A/P episodes and OCD

You have also been given great info and input from Kitt and Debaser ........

I do applaud you and your support and love for her .......BUT she has to own her A/P and FIGHT the fight ...........then it will be a heck of alot better for all I am sure of it

I like the idea of her coming here and finding the SUPPORT and understanding that we have here within our members ........
I am sure she will balk at the idea at first but perhaps just leave the HW name and such right near puter and see if she will come to it on her own after you mention it .......even if it may take her a couple of days ya know ......she might just need to vent and tell us that do understand what is going on

I do hope you will also stick around and get support as well...........

Kudos for you loving her as you do ...........


Be well and
STAY WITH US............LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
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 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


gary1598
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/18/2007 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   
do people with this disorder find that even thou they dont always have panic attacks.. the anxiety is always just under the surface... that anything can set them off.. that has beeen my experience... loud noises make her anxious.. raising your voice to kids does.. Ive always found that there was little room for discussion or trying to resolve a disagreement in a calm manner.. she always rages or screams.. freaks out is a better wors. sometimes running out of the house and leaving saying this isnt a healthy relationship.. I have always been the calmest of people around her because of this.. and couldnt understand her reaction all of the time..

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/20/2007 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh wow
I feel like you know me already ..lol
YES YES and yes ..........

I was like that I am still like that with loud noises and screaming kids little ones I get stressed right out and no I dont go into panic mode but it is right there like you have said ......

I use to walk away from talking as well but I have learnt thru the Cognitive behavioural work I am doing and other self help tech ..as well as from my great lil family here it is better not to but to try and sit and see HIS point as well .......

I do see the glass half full now my friend......

Fight the Fight that is what has to be done and she is going to have to do that or eventually Gary your love although strong MAY turn to resentment or make you a different person.....thats not trying to be rude friend I am only offering my half penny worth

** Since my bro has come to stay this last week to work in Strathroy I have been a stressed out mess and I have just started to work again at Home Care ...I love him to death but it is interfering with my routine and my OCD which Dang I am trying SO HARD at working on......Plus I am dealing with another bad area right now soo
Him and his wife are constantly fighting on phone or when they see each other I cannot get use to that ya know .......**

I am glad you posted again and yopu are so welcome here .....I wish you all the best my friend ...I honestly do

LYN.
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


gary1598
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/23/2007 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the reply howlincat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/23/2007 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Not a problem

Keep posting and let us know how things are plz

You are part of this " family" too now ya know

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


gary1598
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 10/7/2007 9:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I appreciate all of your responses.. I am no longer with her.. apparently she has found someone new to suck dry...So live and learn as the saying goes 
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