I'm basically only writting this to get it off my chest, I don't care if anyone responds or comments, because chances are I won't look at them or reply. Today has been really hard already and I have only been awake for an hour and 1/2. Last night was extremely hard too. I had to meditate and go to sleep super early just so my mind would stop thinking for a few hours. Today is turning out to be just as bad. I keep asking myself where I am, what are my surroundings, and can they really hurt me. I know where I am, of course, but it's just a self reality check I do sometimes. It's worked in the past but it doesn't work everytime...now being one of those times. I'm really scared and the frustrating part is that I know there's nothing to be scared of. It's even more frustrating when people ask what's wrong and I can't tell them. I guess it's possible for me to go back to my house instead of actually going about my day like I should...but for 2 reasons I'm making myself stay. 1- going back to my house wouldn't be too much better than staying here. 2- I'm also trying to push my own envelope and force myself to be in situations that are tough for me to get through. I really want to know that I can get through it. Put my mind body and spirit together to make anything possible...even if it's just getting through another day. I'm hoping this will work, but I am just having a bad feeling about today...and how I'm going to get through tomorrow, and the weekend. But I can't let my mind get to me. If I keep thinking of the worst, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I can't live in fear of everyday waking up, I can't have a fear of living. Someone very special to me has tought me that. Even though he's really far away right now, I keep thinking about being able to talk to him and it makes me feel a little better. Wish me luck today and for this weekend.