Falling into a pit of despair...

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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/4/2007 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I have reached my point. I can't handle living this way. I just wish I could go back in time and be who I was and prevent this froming happening. Either that or fast forward to the better life, if there is one. I am so tired of dealing with depression, a/p, and everything else. I am starting to fold and lose control. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want some type of help and I am not able to get it.
 
I am to the point I feel I could have a breakdown any second. Or just rage out at someone. Every little thing seems to bother me and I want to go crazy. I just can't handle holding all my emotion in anymore. I have been strong. I have tried dealing with everything myself. But, now I have decided I need help. And I can't rid myself of all these horrible things until I get it. I feel my life is out of control now and I don't know what to do. I wish this part of my life would be over. I just want to get past this bump in the road and move on with my life. I just hope the next day is better than the one before. The thought of being better someday keeps me going, but the thought of what I am going through is slowing me from reaching that point.
 
I don't know. I guess I just needed to vent and get it off my chest. Thanks.

TammyGrl0528
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1345
   Posted 10/4/2007 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there Tennis.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I have gotten to be like that many times, as I am sure many people have...ya know, just hit that breaking point.

This disease sucks, that's for sure, and there are days where I personally wanna say...is it really worth it?

I know you are at a low right now, and for that, I am sorry...but try to think of the good times you have had. Things will get better.

Honestly, the other night I had a breakdown. I was crying, and freaking out, and just cursing this awful disease. I kept saying I wish I was normal, and I hate who I am.

It happens to the best of us. Come here, vent, and try to get back to your strong self. I know you have it in you hun.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

Post more if you need to. We are here to listen...

HUGS TO YOU SWEETIE.
Dealing with panic and anxiety for 8 years off and on...right now more on than off.  Major health anxiety as well!
 
New found issues with agoraphobia...working on that too.
 
I am NOT weak, I am just down right now.  I am doing what it takes to get my life back!!!
 
Best Wishes to all...Tammy


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/4/2007 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Tennis,

I am sorry you are feeling so down and hopeless right now. Tammy is right, we understand as we have all been in your position.

Believe in yourself and know that you are a truly good person and give yourself credit for how hard you are battling this illness.

Have you worked through the CBT therapy?  How about a therapist, do you see one regularly?  I am going to post the information for the online free site that your can work on CBT but remember it takes time.  You have to keep working at it.  I would like to wave a magic wand and help you out but the best I can do is be here and support you.

Please check out this site:

Moodgym is a free self help program to teach cognitive behaviour therapy skills to people vulnerable to depression and anxiety.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Take care of you and gentle hugs.  Keep posting and vent away :)


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


crazycatlady21
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/5/2007 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I know the feeling that you feel that you are in pure hell. Talking about how you are feeling helps alot especially with people who have had the same problem. But you have to tell yourself this is going to get better and take the steps to make yourself feel better. Do something that make you feel good and most of all, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about it and enjoy yourself. I have come to realize that guilt is completly useless and self-defeating, so get rid of it. Also, I know this sounds so cliche, but exercise is great because of the release of endorphins in the brain, so you get the natural high.

Hang in there!! I am rooting for you!!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/5/2007 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   

TeNNiSd0C09

How are you today? I have been thinking about you since I read your post last night and I remember how low I was when I had my long battle back from the bottom of the hole of depression and anxiety. 

It takes time but never stop believing in yourself.  You will make it, and we are here to hold you up. 

When you are in the throes of an anxiety attack, practice deep breathing and other relaxation techniques. Concentrate on the breathing.  Don't let any other thoughts in. 

Do  your stress levels feel out of balance? This includes not only times when you are feeling overwhelmed by work or life experiences, but also times when you are bored. Slight imbalances of stress force you to adapt, making you stronger and allowing you to grow, but larger imbalances can be very overwhelming. This is where you need to try to learn to know yourself and what is good stress and when you go past the limit.

Be kind to yourself, you are a worthy person.  Think of putting yourself first right now.  Do not take on others problems if you can help it.

Most of all know we care and we are here, 24/7.

Hugs kiddo............hang on.  You will get past the bumps.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/7/2007 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Although I haven't started to climb out of my pit of despair yet, I have acquired a new hobby. One of which I used to do alot, but never thought I would use to help myself relax. Painting. Painting is great! Everyone should try it! When I have alot going on in my mind and can't seem to calm my nerves and everything, I paint. It is relaxing(for the most part). Although it hurts to sit in the floor for long periods of time! But, I guess its worth it. Except now my room is covered with paintings. I have no idea what to do with them! But, it does help. Painting takes away some worries for the time being. But, when I get really heated and upset I can show it in the painting instead of other ways. So, it is a good thing. I would recommend it! Try painting!

As for the pit of despair. I have fallen a bit deeper. I think it is ok though. I have almost gotten used to it. I guess this is how it's going to be. So, I am almost accepting of it. Although I don't want to stay this way long. I just don't know any other way.

So, for now, I am sitting at the bottom of the pit.


liquid
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 10/7/2007 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Tennis,

sorry for the way your feeling, as Tammy said this deasaese sucks, i feel the same as you sometimes, feel as though there is no point in going on and feel as though im stuck in the pit and just want to explode.

But it does get better, we all have bad patches, but its great that your doing something you enjoy, thats an excellent way of climbing out of the pit, and as for what you can do with the paintings, im sure that some people would love to buy them, maybe on ebay or something, that maybe another way to feel good, getting the pleasure that someone appreciates what you've done in a painting.

i know when im down and out i turn to the kitchen, as a chef i like to try new and different things, combinations that sound really wierd but work really well together, like blue cheese and chocolate coulant, which is like a mini pudding with the cheese and chocolate sauce in the middle. and when people say "that is absolutely delicious" it make me feel really good that someone appreciates what i've done.

Anything you enjoy doing do it when your down and it does help.

hope that helps you and im here and all the members are here for you.

hope your feeling better soon.. :-)


suffer from depression, anxiety, agrophobia, alcoholic.


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 10/7/2007 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis,

I wanted to let you know that you are in my toughts, and to tell you hang in there and hold on to hope. What you are going though is really rough and I wanted to let you know we are here for you. Hang in there!
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Dx:  Bipolar I, Anxiety-Panic Disorder
Support HealingWell:
 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate
"Don't let your yesterday, ruin your today"

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