I certainly understand your anxiety and it sounds like it could be anticipatory anxiety.
Common Anticipatory Anxiety Reactions include :
Feelings: anxious, fearful, angry, confused, hopeless, losing control, numb, sad, moody, irritable, guilty.
Behaviors: withdrawal from others or activities, disrupted routines, startle reactions, easily crying
Cognitions: preoccupation with possibility of trauma, concentration difficulties, self-doubt, worry, indecisiveness, memory difficulties
Physical complaints: muscle tension, headaches, gastric distress, sleep and appetite changes, fatigue
Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, on here are all good ways to work through the anxiety.
Relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization (imagining peaceful scenes), and/or listening to soothing music.
Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.
I hope this helps you and please keep posting as others will have support and advice to share with you.
Hoping the best for you.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression
_____________________________________________________"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”