I would like to share my story with you people,
I've had an anxiety disorder since 3 years. I got a hyperventilation attack for the first time in the cinema. During that night this also resulted in a panic attack. Since that time I haven't been feeling well, with ups and downs. Because I didnt have any knowledge what was going on during that first time, I really started to believe this might be something serious. Since then, I've went to lots of doctors, psychologists (3 different ones), breathing techniques. They said I had a panic / anxiety disorder, plus light agoraphobia and hypogondria (dont know for sure if this is the english word for it, im from holland ; ) ). Anyways I mean with that fear of having a (life-threatening) disease.
My sleeping pattern has changed dramatically during this time, because of the general anxiety and frightening thoughts going through my mind at night, i had to put on the television to keep my attention on something else. This kept me awake, resulting in falling asleep around 5, 6 am and waking up at 1, 2 or 3 pm even.
Although I have overcome panic attacks more or less (haven't had a real panic attack for maybe 5 months), I still have general anxiety flowing through me every day. This results in things like dizziness, heartbeatings, muscle pains, tight throat, etcetera you problably all know what I am talking about
I have overcome hypogondria more or less as well. I was always trying to get an MRI scan of my head during the years, but the doctors never sent me for one, 'Not needed', they said. They just wanted me to trust nothing was wrong. And i did trust them, but still, there was always a voice inside (during anxiety periods) saying: 'what if they are wrong'? 'you have to know for sure'. Luckily my dad knows a neurologist at a hospital (she treats him for Parkinson). And because she's the head of the department there, she had more than enough influence for this. She said 'how is this possible? how could they not give this person an MRI?' So finally I got one, and ofcourse (as I also thought it would be to be honest) there was nothing wrong. It helped a lot, my subconsiousness knew now as well that nothing was wrong, and every time when that voice came back i had an answer: 'you had the MRI, everything turned out well'.
Now this though, as I said I still have lots of general anxiety symptoms. It's especially because I still don't feel safe outside the house, especially in crowded areas. I still go out and stuff, and I have no fear or symptoms when im driving the car. But its when im on my feet, walking through these areas. I'm constantly checking, 'Do I still feel alright?' I have lots of problems with sporting as well. Although I have a fit posture. I eat healthy, drink only water and juices. I do smoke though (6-8 a day). Only drink alcohol when going out which is usually once a week. Never drink at home. Don't do drugs as well. Problem is, when I am doing stuff like taking a walk, or lifting some weights, after or during im feeling dizzy and woozy, sometimes for hours even if i only did some push ups and some weights at home. I dont know for sure if it's because im thinking to much about
it during the workout, or that im thinking too much of things like: 'you sit almost all of the day, doing almost nothing. You're condition should be really weak'. That's also because my mom always says that it's problably because of my condition. But then I think how can this be my condition? I mean I do know that I havent done much these past 3 years in sports, but a little walk or a few weights shouldnt affect condition right away that easily, right? I do have to say, that I sometimes have days with lots of problems when standing up from sitting postion, or when i bent over to grab something. I get pressure on my head then, and i have to close my eyes for a few seconds then before i can move on. I've gone to the doctor for this for low blood pressure, but it was perfect in he said. Now i do know that blood pressure can be variable so i still hang onto that reason for it. Maybe i sometimes think, the dizziness and wooziness, the low blood pressure has something to do with all the sitting around (AT HOME) most of the day. Watching a lot of TV, sitting behind the computer, brain dead activities. Still have a bad sleep pattern, going to bed around 2am, falling asleep sometimes around 5-6 still, having TV on while in bed. Thats why I usually miss my breakfast, and start having first meals around 3 pm. Would make sense that you feel dizzy and have low blood pressure symptoms then I think. Even when I write it down now, I see how logic that would be. What do you guys think?
I just wish that i can go back to work and back to my studies which i want to finish. The agoraphobia lurks around every corner when im outside. I really want to do more sports, but still, the fear of getting dizzy every time makes it that less fun. It would really help me if you people would share some of your own experiences with me. Do you have the same thoughts going on in your head? Do you also cope with the same problems in these kind of situations?
Thanks for reading.
Post Edited (Godspeed) : 10/9/2007 12:21:51 PM (GMT-6)