Having a bad day - wish I could just curl up and This DD Be Gone

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/10/2007 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,
I guess this post won't be much more than a rant and self-pity.  For that, I'm going to apologize now for that.  I have tried to be so positive most of the time, but today just isn't it.
My kids have a busy week this week with functions of things they are involved in.  My daughter plays volleyball and yesterday was their first home game.  I really wanted to see her play and she really wanted me there.  I told her that I would give it a shot and go.  I did go and stayed through the whole thing.  Although, it took every ounce of me to keep myself in control and not run out of there or have a panic attack.  Since I'm not driving, of course my husband was there too - which helped a little.
Then we went home for a quick supper and for my daughter to get her homework started.  I took an Ativan while we were home to help myself calm down.
My son, along with 5 or 6 other students, was asked by the Superintendent to help out having an Internet Safety event parents and kids.  Sadly, only a few people turned out for this.  I really wanted my daughter to be there because she just has no clue what can happen to kids in chat rooms, IM's, etc.  I've talked to her about it, but I wanted her to hear it from others.  She's rarely on the computer, except to do research or other things for school.  So I don't have to worry to  much yet - but soon I will and I want her to have this knowledge.  So we went to this event, it was very informative and interactive which helped me a little bit because I was somewhat distracted from just wanting to run out of there.
Today, I feel totally worn out and I'll be totally honest by saying it pisses me off.  I should have been able to go to those two events without feeling like I do today.  Now tonight the Fire Department is having an open house that my son needs to attend because he is on the Explorer Team.  He wants me to be able to go to that to - I'm not sure that I can.  I feel so guilty because I'm just not sure that I can go.  It's just not fair.
I hate this DD and I want it to go away and leave me alone!!  mad sad
Thanks for letting me vent.

Hey hun just changed a couple of words in Title  k .....Email me if you dont understand why

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 10/11/2007 6:59:59 AM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/10/2007 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   

Hey Wen,

Good vent, and doesn't it feel good to get it down  in writing.  Now hun, throw it all away as yesterday is over.  Today you have a new challenge and that is to just get to the Fire Department.  Think of it as a small goal, one that you can achieve in a short time.  By bedtime tonight you will have made it one more time through a challenging day.

Face the challenge head on..........if the only thing you get done today is this outing, you will have taken many many steps toward beating the anxiety.

I know you can do it, I believe in you..................do it for you, not for anyone else, just for you.

Gentle Hugs to you.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 167
   Posted 10/10/2007 12:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt you're great!!!

Wen, I agree that sometimes when we are nervous is feels like we need to avoid whatever it is that makes us feel uncomfortable but just like with anything if you take it one step at a time you'll be amazed at what you can do.

Sometimes I let the anxiety take over and make the decision not to participate but then the anxiety is often still there mixed with the guilt that I feel for missing something I know I shouldn't.

I say if you can make it you should but if not then there will be a next time. Good Luck


Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 10/10/2007 7:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Wen you did great! Please don't beat yourself up.

I know when I have a full day by the end of it my mood and anxiety shoots through the roof and I'm exhausted. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/11/2007 6:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi all,
As I've said before, I love being a part of this very supportive family.  Thank you for your replies.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to pull myself together to go to the Fire Department for my son.  I feel very guilty about that, I should have gone, but I just couldn't.  I was exhausted from the day before - both physically and emotionally and I just didn't have it in me to go.  I apologized to my son for not going, he said it was okay and that he understood, but I could tell he was disappointed that I didn't go.  sad
Kitt, I wish I could have done what you said - I really wanted to go, but was just too emotional from the day before.  I sincerely hope that I haven't disappointed you too.  I know my family is disappointed in me.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, Sleep Apnea, and Narcolepsy

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin


Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/11/2007 8:01 AM (GMT -6)   
You are and have come a long way

YOU have not disappointed anyone BUT YOU .....IMHO......and thats because you could not get going to sons fire dept thing TOTALLY understandable .....and I know I would be upset with self a bit too BUT do not BEAT self up anymore ........

I have had to let Cait down a few times but she is older and does get the fact I have crohns and other things going on
I am sure she still hurts a bit but I do other things with her that dont use all my energy at once ....as you did the day before .......

YOU ARE DOING GREAT......we are here for you and always will be

Its a new day do something else with him ......anything ..........
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  Moderator for Alzheimer's
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          DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety / Panic
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      LUVS .................LYN                            

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