I had such a good day yesterday, until...

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wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/13/2007 6:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I went to Wal-Mart.  There were just a few things I needed and felt so good and productive throughout the day that I called my husband at work and asked if he felt like going to Wal-Mart after supper.  He said sure.  My son also had some money that was burning a hole in his pocket and wanted to spend.  Before we even had supper, I told him that he need to have a couple things in mind of what he wanted to buy because I wasn't going to wait all night for him to make up his mind.
 
The second I walked out of our house it started - the anxiety building.  I should have just turned around and gone back in the house.  But I thought that I could work through it, but it only got worse. 
 
I knew exactly what I needed to get and figured it would just take me maybe 15 minutes to get it and check out.  Well, apparently my family all wanted to be pokey - my husband doesn't normal like to just "look around" at things, but he did last night - which in turn made me feel like I was there alone.  Not a good thing for me.  I kept having to stop and wait for him to get done looking at whatever caught his attention.
 
My son, decided that he wanted to be a brat (and I'm using a nice word, but that's not really what I'm thinking - LOL) and play head games with me about what he wanted to buy.  Before we left the house he had his two choices narrowed down - we got to the store and he didn't look either.  Now, I was getting really upset and angry with him.  I got to a point that I said to him "you have two minutes to decide what you want or you get nothing".  I was heading to the checkout area.  He got something that was acceptable. 
 
By the time this scene has ended and with the fact that everyone had been so pokey, my anxiety level was through the roof.  I got home, practically collapsed and started crying.  Eventually, I calmed down enough that I could talk to my husband.
 
I honestly thought that I had everyone prepared that we weren't going to be there very long, but I guess not.  What could I have done differently with this whole situation?  Any thoughts would be so much appreciated.
 
Thanks and I think I'm going to bed now, because the meds are starting to kick in.  Sweet dreams everyone.
 
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, and Social Anxiety
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 10/13/2007 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
You sensed something right when you left the house and it was good that you went, but you expected that it would be an in/out type of thing (which makes sense cause you prepared your son for that, and know your husband doesnt browse much). I think that we tend to what things to go a certain way, and when we have heightened anxiety its infuriating when things aren't going like you want them to. Kudos for going and handling the situation well. It's hard to say how it would have turned out by not going, would they have been upset with you? And i know you have some Agoraphobic stuff, so it's good you got out... Tough one though Wen :(

Almost a no win situation. Maybe next time try and lower your expectations? This helps a bit and prepares us for the "what if this turns into an hour ordeal, can i handle that?" Or "this may take a while, do i have the patience to deal with this right now". Maybe setting your expectation low will help control the anxiety.

Sorry you experienced that. I dont think what i wrote is helpful, but i think its good that you:
1) recognized or sensed something was off when you were leaving. This is a interesting thing because you may have bit off more than you could chew, but you went through it. That's really good! Sucked doing it, made you upset and irritated, but pretty tough thing you did. I think in the grand scheme of things it was a good thing. And a learning experience, if not anything else.
2) Its actually good that you went because you have some agoraphobia and just going out is fantastic.
3) you didnt cause a scene, you were direct with your son by pretty much telling him enough is enough we're outta here. I think thats good cause a lot of times anxiety makes people shut down and freeze. You kept it moving and got through it with some grace, and thats awesome... Irritating, frustrating, but good... I think.

best_
dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/13/2007 9:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Wen,

I am glad you made it through the trip but your family was not on the same page as you. 

You may try a couple of things next time.  Frist talk to them ahead of time and explain that you want to make the trip and that you feel if they would support you and stay within the time frame then you will all go together.  Ask them to check with you and see if your alright and if you feel great and up to spending a little more time then make a new deadline for what time to be at the check out counter.

If this is not something they can do, try going alone and just time yourself.  Do your 15 minutes, stroll slowly through the store to keep you adrenaline down and leave at the goal time.  If you find you really cannot do it, then leave but no beating yourself up.

You are a work in progress and remember it is baby steps hun.  You are doing great.  Give yourself credit for every little thing you do.  We are here for you and you can count on us.

Keep on putting one step in front of the other.

Luvs ya

Kitt


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 10/14/2007 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
thats great feedback kitt. Wen you did awesome!

dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/14/2007 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Dan and Kitt,
 
Thank you both for your thoughts and advice. 
 
Dan, yes I do think I bit off more than I could chew and a part of me wishes that I had just stayed home.  But if I'm ever to get past the Agoraphobia I can't stay home and never go anywhere; I just have to learn how to do things a little differently I guess.  Your suggestion of lowering my expectations is a good one and I will try to do that.  That one is a bit difficult for me as I have always had very high expectations for myself (I have always tended to be a Type A personality) - not so high for my family though because they aren't me, especially the kids just for the simple fact that they are kids and kids often screw up.  So my expectations for them are different.  But since my hospitalization, the expectations I have for myself are very low at this point, because I am just so scared that I'm not going to get beyond the Agoraphobia and anxiety issues.  I'm afraid that this is how my life is going to be from now on.  I do have to say that I am kind of surprised at myself that I didn't just "freeze", as you put it, because in the recent past that's exactly what would have happened.  I think the difference this time is that he was p***ing me off!  So instead of being anxious and having an attack, I got mad.  HMMMM....I hadn't really thought about that difference until now.  Look at that, you made me see something that I hadn't put together....thank you for that!  :-)
 
Kitt, I honestly thought my family and I were all on the same page for this little "outing" (weird word to use, since it was only going to the store - LOL), but I don't think I really explained what I wanted to take place.  Next time I will talk to them first and explain how I would like things to go.  The severity of the Agoraphobia is new to all of us and I have to remember that; the kids still don't fully get it that it's extremely difficult for me to leave the house, never mind going to the store.  OY!  They are kids after all and they don't really know what this is all about.  They are also used to Mom being able to do anything and go anywhere - so this is a HUGE difference for them.
 
You know, I really hadn't thought about having them check in with me to see if I'm alright - my husband does it fairly often (although he didn't this time).  But I hadn't thought to have the kids do it too - great idea that I will be using for future outings.
 
Unfortunately, at least at this point in time, going by myself or even being in the store by myself isn't an option yet.  I'm just not ready for that yet.  If my husband does go to another part of the store, and I don't go with him, I have one of the kids stay with me.  The thought of being there by myself just absolutely terrifies me.  I sure hope I can get past that some day.
 
I'm not a very patient person, especially with myself - but as my wonderful father and my therapist keep telling me - patience, patience, patience.  It's so annoying - LOL  tongue .  They also keep telling me that baby steps is what this whole process will be along with lots of time to overcome this, to stop beating myself up, for me to acknowledge what I have done, be okay with it, and even give myself a little pat on the back for it.
 
The only problem I have with that is that I want this to be BIG STEPS, not baby steps.   tongue  
 
I truely thank you both for taking the time to read my post and to give me some great suggestions for me to utilize.  This is what makes being here at HW so good, the family here is just so wonderful.
 
(((HUGS))) to you both.
 
Wen
 
ps - my son needs to go to Wal-Mart today to get supplies for a science project (but of course he couldn't have told us the other day before we went to the store).  Sorry, I digress.  What I was going to say is, I'm NO GOING WITH HIM.  My husband is.  yeah

Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, and Social Anxiety
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 

Post Edited (wen4003) : 10/14/2007 10:15:48 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/14/2007 10:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Wen,

I understand how difficult it is to understand what is happening in our lives when we are thrown into a tailspin and we want it to just end.  I know for myself when I was at the depths of the anxiety and depression I was disgusted with myself for being so weak and could not except that it kept hanging on.  But I finally learned to try to stay in the moment. I fianlly learned to quit beating myself up and accept that I was not a loser but that I had a lot of hard work and I could do it.  I wanted to get better.  It is all about the need inside of us to conquer the disorder. :)

Do not worry about how it used to be, that is the past, You  cannot change it.  Do not worry about what might happen, when tommorow gets here you  will deal with it. Try to stay in the moment today.

Great choice to skip Walmart today.........now your right on. yeah

Hugs

Kitt


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/14/2007 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
 
Thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your story with me, it gives me some  comfort knowing that others have gone through this, had similar feelings and emotions (especially about being disgusted with yourself - pretty much how I feel about myself), but have been able to get up and get through this no matter how long it takes.  I am trying to learn to just live in the moment and stop worrying about the future and stop thinking about the past.
 
Not only was it a good move not to go to Wal-Mart today - now I also get a little bit of quiet time (my daughter decided to with them).  HEHEHEHE - I love it   tongue .
 
Thanks Kitt for your great advice and as I said in a different post I will miss you very much this week while you are on vacation, but I wish you much happiness during the vacation.
 
(((((GREAT BIG HUGS)))))
 
Luv ya,
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, and Social Anxiety
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/14/2007 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you so much, Wen.  I am always willing to share my story.  It took me over a year to get so I was comfortable in going out again and I still have times when I want to pull back and hide out, no stress here in my puter room. eyes

But I have even managed to take a part time job and there are days when I questions why, but I know that I cannot hide out and the extra cash lets me go on a vacation.

I will miss all of you.................stay in the moment while I am gone.

Another way I put that is "be where your butt is"  So mine will be on a plane and that is where my thoughts will be too.

Hugs galore. Luv ya hun!  Take care.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 10/14/2007 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, you're a peach and you're right about no stress in the puter room - I love my puter/sewing room.  It's all mine and no stress.
 
I will do my best to stay in the moment while you are gone. 
 
Have fun in Atlantic City!!!!!  Hugs, Hugs, and more Hugs to you.
 
Also, if you don't mind, I like your Rosalyn Carter quote that you have at the bottom of your signature and I am going to give this to my son.  He has a couple of school and confidence issues and I think this would help him a little bit.  It's worth a shot any way.
 
Love ya,
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, and Social Anxiety
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 

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