I don't want it to control me anymore..

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PWnPanic08
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/18/2007 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
So, Last night I was supposed to move, I got on a greyhound bus at around 11pm to take a bus trip to Michigan. I was REALLY anxious preciding the trip even though I tried really hard not to think about it and just ignore the anxiousness. So, we had out to my fathers truck and it's time to go and I just break down crying..partly because I had no idea when I may see my parents again and partly because I was so concerned about the trip. I don't even know why I couldn't do it. I've done this trip by myself before, when I wasn't on any meds. this time my fiance was with me and I had taken three 1mg doses of Xanax but it seemed to not even work, I wasn't feeling to bad when waiting for the bus and even when we boarded I was just a little anxious but as we pulled back and started to leave..I started hyperventalating and freaking out and I HAD to get off the bus, I didn't even feel it was my own conscious decision to do it.
 
so, after i got off the bus the even worse part came, I had to call my fiance's family(which is whom's house we were heading to in michigan) and let them know I failed and that they wouldnt be seeing there daughter) then even worse I had to call my own family and tell them how I let the panic attacks get to me to the point that I didn't stay on the bus and do what I needed to. So, they tell me either way my fiance is leaving wether I do or not which just makes my situation and guilt 10 times worse..they just don't understand how making me feel guilty isn't helping..so now I don't have a choice, I mean..my fiance and I decided to try leaving early morning(10am) and see if that may help because  lately I tend to be alot more anxious and panicky at night but I'm still worried because if I can't do it then I lose her...and I don't want that and I won't let it happen.
 
It's just such a big mess and I need some support really bad and maybe some tips on getting me through..
 
thanks everyone
Emerson

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/18/2007 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
HI there

I am hoping that you are going to try some tchniques like Breathing or something you CAN do to get yourself on that bus

You are aware there is no other choices now that this is what you must do

YES it is hard very hard at times but we are here and know we have all gone thru very difficult times as well

Please do NOT over medicate that may also cause some problems as well ..making you more emotional ...ect ....

As you posted.........you are better in the am's so give the bus one MORE try with knowing we are here for you and see how that goes

This is a situation that the only result is you have to go back right ?

I am sorry there is no other alternatives for yous's

Maybe someone else will post with better ideas for you

Take care and let us know one way or the other........LYN
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PWnPanic08
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/18/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks so much.

I know it's going to be hard and it's going to take a lot of will power and mental strength on my part to get past it. I wish it was as easy to do as it is to stay but I don't really have the choice.

 

Here's to getting through it and conquering my fears.


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 10/18/2007 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh man!!!! Really sorry to hear what you are going through. Guilt makes this stuff so hard to deal with. You shouldn't feel like you failed, cause you didnt. You didnt choose to have panic and anxiety, so by default you can never fail my friend. This stuff is super hard to deal with at times, and you made the right decision by getting off that bus. Something inside you, deep in your subconscious, told you to get off... I'm sure there is a lot going on, and i'm sure its hard to leave... A couple of things.

Occupy your mind with something based on the disorders. The more you learn, the less you'll fear. Print out pages from the internet, by some books -- i would suggest Embracing The Fear. Distract yourself by reading that on the bus and learning-- It will help you get through the ride. Also, start a journal if you dont have one yet. Its a way to let anxious thoughts out. Even if not a journal, get some paper and start writing... You can throw it out when you are done if you're worried people might read it. Taking in the awareness of what you are going through, learning more about it, and letting it out in various ways will help you... It helped me. It'll be tough, and you might feel like you cant do it, but you can. Remember the worst thing that can happen from a panic attack is that you pass out. Thats it... Its the fear leading up to them, and being in them that is the worst part...

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It feels like you're in a really tough position. Remember, or at least try and tell yourself this (while you may not believe it now, just repeat it to yourself over and over) "Everything is going to work out" -- cause it will. You just gotta believe in yourself and except what is happening. Its one of the hardest things in life. But it, for some reason, takes the power away from anxiety... If you tell yourself, " Its ok to have these feels and no matter what happens, i will be all right" the anxiety may slowly soften. Also, if there is some way you can do some exercise, that might help too. Like just run it out, cry, do whatever you need to do to release that pressure built up.

Lastly, breathe... And keep breathing. If you feel like you are hyperventilating, a trick my mom taught me is to cup your hands over your nose and mouth and breathe. This will help, and potentially stop you from passing out...

Dont over medicate yourself. If you took 3 MGs of xanax and it didnt do anything for you, then chill on that... Breathe man, and slow everything down. Consciously type slower, walk a little slower, do everything a little slower... Sounds weird, but its helpful... When we start racing around in the anxiety its hard to slow down, so dont be hard on yourself right now. We're our own worse enemies sometimes, I know i am... But we're our own best friends as well...

I think if your main objective is to get move and get on that bus, then your best bet is preparing by doing some of the things above, and also distracting yourself. Also, by setting your expectations low, then you will have less to fear. Take one step at a time and breathe every step of the way. If you want you can make a list of things to do to prepare for tomorrow, and check them off as you go along. Have the list include things to do while on the bus, and include things that will help you cope with panic. You have a lot of anticipatory anxiety, so if you get on that bus and you get hit with some panic, you're most likely going to say " Oh no, here it comes again... I gotta get outta here"... Now if you can tell yourself, " Here it comes again, i'm going to breathe and i'm going to invite it to come (i know, sounds bad but it works). The worst that can happen is i pass out. I'm safe and its ok to have these feelings"... Try not to fight it... Its really hard, but if you're going to do this tomorrow. Don't fight it if it comes. AND whatever happens man, you are not a failure, i hope you know that. Even if you don't feel it now.

I'll try and think of some other things. Keep writing. Do you know what you fear? Is it the thought of living in a new place a way from you parents? If you can identify what is causing the fear (sometimes its impossible, other times its very clear) than maybe i can give you specific advice. If you're scared about the move, the feeling of "Oh no, i dont know whats going to happen when i get there" Start planning tonight some trips home. Just write down some dates that you might be able to come home for a few nights. Moving is a huge stresser and having a plan may help you. Even if its not anything solid, just by telling yourself " I'm moving, but i'm gonna come home for a few nights soon" might ease your nerves....


Again, really sorry you're going through this. Hang tight. Be kind to yourself. Write more if you can. We're here to help, cause we've all been where you are and know what its like...

best_
dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 10/19/2007 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
hey, just wondering how the ride went this morning and how you are feeling overall.

i hope things went well, and that your feeling good.

best_
Dan
---
Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

"Breathe! You Are Alive"
- Thich Nhat Hanh


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/19/2007 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Fantastic Input Dan and right on the money

I am hoping you got on that bus my friend and will let us know how all turns out

Plz know we do care

Lyn
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liquid
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 10/19/2007 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi PWn,

Firstly may i say i totaly agree with Dan, its never your fault, you never asked to be burdened with this nasty disease, so dont be hard on yourself.

Also i dont know about xanax, but i used to take vallium, which is addictive, so they stopped me taking it, but i did take 35mg one day and it did absolutely nothing so taking too much isnt a good idea.

I do have to say that you are very brave to have gotten so far, it is a big step so feel proud that you accomplished what you did. And we never fail, we have little setbacks sometimes but it's never failure.

as for some techniques to help, music helps me alot, clenching and relaxing my fists help to relax me, and Dan had some great ideas as well.

hope you get to where you need to go, and just remember were all here for you and we understand what your going through.

all the best

(((((HUGS))))).. :-)


Suffer from major depression, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Panic attacks, Recovering Alcoholic.
 
I have 4 great kids and a wonderfully supportive partner.
 
"There is a light at the end of the tunnel"
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/20/2007 4:46 AM (GMT 0)   

Hey pWn

Just dropping in to tell you I am thinking of you and to tell you I support you. I am hoping you made the ride on the bus and that your doing well.

We are all here and please keep us posted on how your doing.

We never judge, only show support and caring for each and everyone of our members.

Hugs to you. ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/21/2007 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
PLease do let us know HOW you made out

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
  Moderator for Alzheimer's
  Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
          DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety / Panic
 
      MY HW "FAMILY" GIVES ME MORE THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW
 
                     "Friends Are Cheaper than Therapists "
  
     
 
 
                            

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