my transformation

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bayouboy
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 10/22/2007 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm currently 26 yrs old and have been living w/ anxiety for 5yrs., maybe I had it a little before but it was so minor I never knew it, I was the life of the party, never shy, confident in myself, felt like I could do anything, competitive, and wanted to do the best at whatever I did, always active, through high school and about 3 yrs out of it, I have a group of friends and we are all good friends, about 10 of us, see each other almost every week, real good people, bus. owners, nurse, CPA, all good careers, like I said not people that u would think would do anything bad, well 2 members of our group were introduced to the drug scene when we were around 20 yrs old, it was getting bad in our town and was everywhere, pretty soon everyone in our group had tried it at least once, it started w/ ecstasy, it was cool we would do it maybe 1 a mth and we had big late night parties, w/ women and it was great, well the same 2 brought a new drug into the mix, meth., it was cool too, we didn't have to sleep just have fun, it went on for about a yr. and we all realized what stupid things we were doing and we all stopped one at a time it seemed, after I noticed I started having anxiety and I'm sure it was b/c of it. None of my friends still do drugs, we didn't even do it much for that yr or so but for me is still beating me up, The past couple of yrs I have transcended into a hermit crab and don't do many things like I use to, my self confidence is horrible, I hate the way I feel, look, and just wish everyday I never would've done what I did, I know I turned on a switch I can't turn off and I don't know what to do about that. I hate myself a little each day for being so stupid. I just wish I could feel normal again and when I start thinking back I realize I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I have to be strong for my family my younger brother still looks up to me and my sis too. I don't know what to do.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/23/2007 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
I grew up in the late 50's and as you have no doubt heard or are aware this was the "time for anything" and "Everything"

Yes I did things I regret and I am sorry for going along with others to find that ............"PLACE"
I thank Him daily for being alive I had done some really stupid things believe me and should have been dead many times .........

Boomer.........YOU cannot beat yourself up over this .....yes it was done and should have not been BUT you cannot go back and fix it now .......its in the past my friend

I find having the knowledge and the history of the "stupid" things I did very helpful in educating my daughter and other teens
I had a teen group in Bothwell where I lived prior to moving here a couple of mths ago and I plan on starting another ....where they can talk about all that is going on peer pressure school pressure .ect......

THIS is my way of getting thru it and past it knowing I can be of help to others that may be headed down this path


What you can do is educate those around you about the awareness and problems that come with this ........Believe me it will make you feel much better helping out others instead of constantly beating self up .........

Kudos for you opening up so honestly and sharing this with us

I wish you all the best

Any questions email me I will be happy to help you start a group or give you pointers on how to go about it ..........Even going to schools ( grade schools) that are up to grade 7 or 8 and sharing your story just might SAVE one child from doing what we did or at least giving them " food " for thought

Luvs
LYN
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bayouboy
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 10/23/2007 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I would love to do that but its not possible right now, I'm having a really bad time and I couldn't be around that many people at once, I was doing so good and now I feel like I'm declining again, I can't figure out why, I can't stand this. mad confused

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/23/2007 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey bayouboy,

I am very proud of you for steeping forward and sharing your experience.  From the little I know you may be having issues with the side effects of these drugs which can cause some long term problems.

May I suggest that you seek out a physician that deals in caring for people that have withdrawn from the drugs you were using.  Get an expert opinion and perhaps some therapy to deal with your anxiety and regrets that you ever went down this road.

Be kind to yourself, we all make poor choices, and you were wise enough to quit.  This in itelf is a miracle as one of those drugs can hook you from the lst dose and there is no looking back.  Believe in yourself that you will make a recovery and don't compare yourself to the others in the group.  Your an individual and you must take care of you first.

Gentle hugs.

Kitt


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
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bayouboy
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 10/23/2007 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the advice, I have good insurance w/ my company now so I will seek a therapist as soon as I can, I just can't understand why it is getting so much worse, I use to have it under control.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/23/2007 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   

I hope through therapy you will learn how to keep it under control or to deal with it. Many people use CBT and find it very successful.

You will make it, never give up. Gentle Hugs

Kitt

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