Just been in a funk these last few days. I have OCD and panic attacks. I have awful thoughts and they seem to haunt me. Anyhow, I also have extreme nexk pain and it seems on days like today, when it hurts a lot, I just feel like crying. That leads me to get scared thinking I'm depressed and then I get scared that maybe I don't want to be alive anymore. The constant cycle of "what ifs" is very difficult.
I was watching Grey's anatomy Thur night. Great show - but sometimes when they get the mental patients that do weird things, that starts to freak me out (I become afraid I will do those things). Now, I just want to be normal and watch tv shows. I can't watch anything scary and this show is a comedy/romance and I don't want to stop watching it cause of this stupid panic attack.
I've been thru this all before. I've had this for about 8 years now, but when it happens my mind tries to trick me into thinking that this time is worse than all the others or "what if I didn't really feel this bad before"
I'm not on meds. I'm on enough for a condition called PCOS and I did go thru years of therapy and we reached a plateau.
Most days I am fine. It's just some days, like today, I feel like I'm in a sad funk and just need to write to others who have had the same feelings.
I do wish none of us had to have anxiety disorders. My ocd, I have what is known as "pure o" which is just obsessions, and they are awful, disturbing thoughts / images. I won't watch scary movies, but just seeing a preview can get me into a panic mode.
I wouldn't wish any medical disorder (mental or physical) on anyone. I still feel overwhelmed at times that this is truly my life (the ocd/panic). I feel I was raised well, did well in school, have a good job, great family, eat healthy and exercise so I don't understand why this had to happen. It came on when I was 25 years old and I read about 15 books when it first happened and it seems that is a common age that women begin developing symptoms.
Anyhow, I live my life despite having ocd/panic, but it still sux to have it!
thanks for letting me get this out.