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purple_dream
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/3/2007 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi!
I've been lurking around this forum for awhile and decided to join in.
I was diagnoised with major depression and anxiety-panic disorder about a year ago. I always knew that something was wrong with me but I denied it for years then last year I couldn't take the panic attacks anymore and decided to go see a doctor.
The hardest part of having this disorder is that it's really hard to find someone who understands what I'm going through. Most people that I talk to think that it's all in my head and the reason I can not get over it is because I'm too weak. I've lost many people in my life because they could not handle the fact that I'm not perfect and they think I'm just overreacting about everything. I even had my close friend's bf tell me that my friend can't be close to me anymore because it's too hard for her to watch me go through my problems. It's funny how people think I'm this perfect person when they first meet me...then when I trust them enough to open up to them they drift apart.
Now I don't talk to anybody about my problems. And it's so hard to keep it all inside.

I hope to gain some inspiration from this forum. :-)
 
 

*major depression*Anxiety-Panic disorder*


kota
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 11/3/2007 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Purple_dream...Hi! I am Kota. I have had depression most of my life...especially when I was diagnosed w/ Epilepsy as the meds don't help. Lately I have been experiencing panic/anxiety problems. I guess if I have to say why it can go w/ depression but also I have lived w/around alcoholics all my life, I grew up too early cuz my mom left when I was 7 so I stepped up to help my dad care for my family, and I am going thru a group to deal w/ past abuse...So I guess life is just catching up to me. Of course raising kids isn't always a piece of cake either. Do I think my problems are any worse than anyone else here. NO! We have all been shaped by our families and society and things we cannot control. As for your friend, I would ask her personally but she may not know how to help you cuz this stuff isn't always a walk in the park. Anyway enuff said. Stick around...we can become addicting. Take care of yourself. Kota/Nicole :)
************************************************
DX: Epilepsy
Depression
Anxiety/Panic attacks from time to time
Headaches
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue(due to human-parvo virus in bone marrow)
RLS
Blood Clotting Disorder
Mood swings

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 11/3/2007 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
hey purple dream_

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you decided to pop in and say hello. As you probably have notice by just reading threads here, all of us (in one way or another ) have experienced similar feelings and situations. I don't tell many people about what i'm going through, but i seem to have had better luck with the ones I have told. The ones I have told have been very excepting. I think it has to do with where i am and maybe my age? (not really sure, cause i think people all ages and in all locations can respond in any way), but the people i tell seem to understand and never push. In the past i had problems, like the ones you describe, and those people are no longer a part of my life. I have a hand full of good friends and thats all i really care to have now. The others have in one way or another faded away. I remember having a real hard time coming to terms with myself (I knew something felt off, but was in denial) -- still do in some ways. But, like you said, it just became too much and i had to deal with it one way or another. So here i am :)

I think it good that your facing what is going on. I think that trying to act a certain way (like everything is perfect) does only make it harder on yourself, but it takes a lot of courage to face these sorts of things. Lots of people just cover them up with abusing substances (i did for 12 years), but sooner or later it seems to catch up to you. And something i'm now learning is there are a lot more people out there (probably some of the same people the pushed you away) have problems of their own and they're scared to face them. When you openly discuss what is going on with you, it sometimes scares people away because in a way it forces them to look at themselves, and for some thats too hard for them to do...

Anyways, welcome again...

Dan

G
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/3/2007 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Fantastic input Dan and Kota

Welcome and glad you finally decided to post and share with us

Plz stay with us

I can t say really anything other than what already has been said ......except know you are no longer alone and we are here for you .........

STAY with us ............LYN


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/5/2007 7:14:23 AM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/3/2007 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Welcome Purple Dream

I am Kitt, and I am so glad you found this site.  I know you will find the members caring and warm.  Please know that we care and post your problems as well as receive and share support.

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Allmixedup
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 11/3/2007 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello purple dream and welcome. I'm new as well. I have liked what I have gained from here so far. Its a great place! Have a good day!
Mod-severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks.
Meds currently on, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Klonopin, Zyprexa


chowch
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 11/5/2007 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Purple Dream - first and foremost welcome but secondly you are NOT weak. My therapist said that it's usually very strong people who get panic attacks - due to putting a front on all the time and coping!!?? There is nothing to be ashamed of with panic, it's your body's way of saying slow down! I felt like you in as much as I never wanted to let anyone down and was too embarassed to talk about it - but honestly the more you talk, the better you feel and the better you get! Talking is wonderful therapy.
Smile and the world will smile with you


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/5/2007 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
THat makes alot of sense Chowch.............

I totally agree that the more talking and posting you do here the better you will feel .....in the longrun

Stay with us .............Purple Dream

LYN

I do hope you are reaing the input and caring here ........

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/5/2007 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Purple_Dream,

First of all, welcome to the forum!

Second, you know you are not alone. And you aren't weak. I understand completely. I denied my problems for a while, until it got really bad and I opened up to a friend. She told me I had to get help and she started drifting from me. Like she was afraid of me or something. Since then I told one of my other friends, who has been through some of the same things, which I didnt know until I told her and she told me! But, I understand. I am the perfectionist type at everything I do. And the anxiety/panic/depression takes away from that. It makes me feel weak, but I have realized that people don't go through this who are weak. A weak person would not be able to go through this. It takes a special, strong person to deal with what we do everyday. You are not weak!

I have told a few people, most saw me as the perfectionist person, then after telling them they act like they are scared to be around me. I don't trust people easily. It takes alot for me to able tot trust someone. And to trust them enough to tell them what I feel inside and then they drift away and reject me, it breaks my heart. And most of the time, except my one friend, I keep it all inside to myself. Its even hard for me to open up to my counselor. I have been going for months, but I haven't yet developed enough trust in her even. So, it takes alot. But I keep going because I am strong. And you are to! So, dont worry about others, dont worry about what they think. You are still you no matter what. If they want to drift away, they are missing it. They are missing out on you. Its there loss.

So, anyways, welcome to the forum! I know you will find tons of support here! Wishing you only the best,
       .......Tennis.......


kota
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 11/5/2007 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
smurf Another dreary day on da prairie of North Dakota. Uff'da. I also am a perfectionist but believe it or not there are two types. Type A has to have everything in order and clean to keep(or feel they have control of their lives), or the Type B....this would be me...queen of procrastination. My house isn't in order like Type A cuz it is never going to be perfect so why do it. I lived under my step-mom's rules and had to clean as she wanted us to. Now I wait til I cannot stand it anymore...but not exactly healthy either as I now have anxiety and have had panic attacks. TC and be well. Kota


"Just another manic Monday"

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 11/5/2007 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Purple Dream,

First and most importantly, Welcome to the Healing Well family.  As others have already said, you will receive a lot of support and help from this great family - I myself am so happy that I joined HW, as I have received a lot of great advice.  Part of what makes such a good place to come and post whatever your thinking, feeling, or whatever is on in your life - you will never be judged. You will only receive support and help.

Finding/keeping friends who know what your problems are can be difficult.  I know that I have lost some friends and even some family because they have pulled away - I think they are just scared because they can't do anything to help.  It's too bad they do that, because just being able to have them to talk to, or get hugs from them some times is the best thing.  I have just a very small circle of friends and family that I confide in because I trust them and know they will support me.  I miss others that have pulled away, but I cannot have them in my life if they just can't deal with it.
 
As others have said so very well, YOU ARE NOT A WEAK PERSON.  You've had a lot going on in your life since you were a little girl and you are strong.  But now it's time for you to concentrate on taking care of yourself.  I have been told this so many times now, I can here it in my head all the time.... :-) :-) :-) .  But it really is the truth, it's time for you focus on getting better and you CAN DO IT - just remember it's not an overnight fix, it will take time, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
I hope you continue posting here and know that this is a great family and we will help and suport you.
 
Take care,
Wen
Agoraphobia, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety and PTSD
 
Meds: Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lexapro, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover,

but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


purple_dream
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/5/2007 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your encouragement!
I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone. I do believe that I'm not a weak person. I did go through a lot when I was young and I never got any closer to those traumatic events so I am dealing with them everyday and sometimes I think to myself that I'm very strong to deal with all of this.
It's just very hard to talk to people who never experienced this or not know much about it. Many people question me all the time. "Why did you do that?" "why are you acting like that?" How do I explain to them that I did things that I did or act the way I did because I felt very dark (that's how I describe the feeling of the anxiety coming over me) and sad and at the same time I get sweaty, nausious, dizzy, chestpains and heart pounding to the point where I think I'm gonna get a heartattack... how do I tell them that certain things worry me so much to the point I get physically sick and all I feel is wanting to escape from my body so I dont' have to be obssessed by them.
I'm unable to do many things other people enjoying doing. I have to be in a completely controlled environment. Everything has to be scheduled so that things do not happen randomly. For example, if people tell me that they are gonna call me, I have to know exactly what time, what day. Not knowing that drives me crazy. When I used to be in college, if I left to go to class just one minute later then my preplanned time, I get so shaky and sweaty...even though I knew that I will be in class before anybody gets there. Some people call me a control freak but I do not think I'm controlling at all. I do not want to do all these weird things but if I don't I get sick and obssessed by them. I've been in 5 relationships in 5 years. Every relationship started out great until my ex bfs saw me so upset about them not keeping their time, me calling them every couple minutes to check to make sure they didn't get into an accident when they are driving..etc. They start to think that I'm very controlling and I am very dependent on them. I opened up to couple of my ex bfs about my problmes and they didn't understand. One of them told me "just get over it." How I wish I could just get over it.
This post got a little lengthy but I do feel better after letting it out.
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and encouraging words. I'm gonna be posting here often. =)
 
*major depression*Anxiety-Panic disorder*

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