After reading through some of the comments on this board, it seems like there is a good supportive network of people out there
. I thought Id introduce myself and tell you a bit about
I have battled with Anxiety and Panic attacks for the last 10 years, since leaving school. Im now 28, and although I am panic free most of the time, when I do get run down, my thoughts get the best of me and I find it difficult to cope.
I was on Moclobemide for approximately 1 year, and came of it 3 months ago, and had been relatively anxiety free in that period until now.
I first remember getting panic attacks when I was studying at university. My timetable meant that I had alot (i mean 7 hours) of time often between lectures. I had alot of time to think and i guess my thoughts just began to have a life of their own. I was in a relationship at the time, which wasn't altogether serious, but my constant thoughts of ending the relationship (even though i didn't want to) finally got the better of me and I did.
I have had the same troubles, especially negative thoughts about
my significant other, regardless of the strength of the relationship. I have also had negative thoughts about
other aspects of my life. One of the biggest scares i got was when i was driving one day, and suddenly thought i could end it all by running into a lamp post. I knew rationaliy I did not want to end my life, and have never been suicidal. The mere thought that is was POSSIBLE scared me.
I now am in what i would call a very happy relationship, with a very understanding girlfriend. I only recently (4 hours ago to be exact), sat her down and basically told her that I have been sitting in bed beside her over the last couple of nights fighting with a dark voice inside my head wanting to end it all.
I know that these thoughts are completely irrational however. I look back to only 3 weeks ago, when we were celebrating our 3 year anniversary. Me anxiety free, and being on top of the world. I at times feel like jeykle and hyde. I just try and keep telling myself that these thoughts are irrational, and to NEVER make life changing decisions when I am in this frame of mind.
Im battling now with a fear of going to bed (where for the last couple of nights I have had my worst attacks), but now I have my partner onside, hopefully she can support me through it all.
I have found my best coping mechanism is plenty of exercise (for me running is the drug), and most of all, to keep busy. Regardless of the need to rest (anxiety can be a very tiring condition). Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel of this current bout will shine soon. I love her so much, i hate it that thoughts can dictate so much about
the way i feel. I just refuse to let them make me act.