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Tactix
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/8/2007 7:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone.

After reading through some of the comments on this board, it seems like there is a good supportive network of people out there :-). I thought Id introduce myself and tell you a bit about my battle.

I have battled with Anxiety and Panic attacks for the last 10 years, since leaving school. Im now 28, and although I am panic free most of the time, when I do get run down, my thoughts get the best of me and I find it difficult to cope.

I was on Moclobemide for approximately 1 year, and came of it 3 months ago, and had been relatively anxiety free in that period until now.

I first remember getting panic attacks when I was studying at university. My timetable meant that I had alot (i mean 7 hours) of time often between lectures. I had alot of time to think and i guess my thoughts just began to have a life of their own. I was in a relationship at the time, which wasn't altogether serious, but my constant thoughts of ending the relationship (even though i didn't want to) finally got the better of me and I did.

I have had the same troubles, especially negative thoughts about my significant other, regardless of the strength of the relationship. I have also had negative thoughts about other aspects of my life. One of the biggest scares i got was when i was driving one day, and suddenly thought i could end it all by running into a lamp post. I knew rationaliy I did not want to end my life, and have never been suicidal. The mere thought that is was POSSIBLE scared me.

I now am in what i would call a very happy relationship, with a very understanding girlfriend. I only recently (4 hours ago to be exact), sat her down and basically told her that I have been sitting in bed beside her over the last couple of nights fighting with a dark voice inside my head wanting to end it all.

I know that these thoughts are completely irrational however. I look back to only 3 weeks ago, when we were celebrating our 3 year anniversary. Me anxiety free, and being on top of the world. I at times feel like jeykle and hyde. I just try and keep telling myself that these thoughts are irrational, and to NEVER make life changing decisions when I am in this frame of mind.

Im battling now with a fear of going to bed (where for the last couple of nights I have had my worst attacks), but now I have my partner onside, hopefully she can support me through it all.

I have found my best coping mechanism is plenty of exercise (for me running is the drug), and most of all, to keep busy. Regardless of the need to rest (anxiety can be a very tiring condition). Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel of this current bout will shine soon. I love her so much, i hate it that thoughts can dictate so much about the way i feel. I just refuse to let them make me act.

Take Care
T

Tactix
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/8/2007 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, I'm trying a little bit of St Johns Wort over the next few weeks to see if that has any marked effect, any other peoples reations / experiences would be interesting. Ive read up quite a bit on it, and these things are so individual, we will see :-)

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/8/2007 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome
You have come to a fantastic place filled wth caring and so much support

I know that you will find answers along the way and hope that you continue to post and

STAY with us

I did try the ST John's Wort and for me it helped .........but I needed more due to circumstances at the time ..........

Be well ........
FIGHT THE FIGHT .....You are not alone anymore.........
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 11/8/2007 10:44 PM (GMT -7)   
hey there!

Welcome to the boards. I'm glad you posted! I don't have much experience with what you're going through, but i have two close friends that do some of the similar things. Meaning, they have these thoughts that they rationally know are not apart of them. They dont know why they have them (other than the thoughts themselves my be taboo and their minds are fixating on them) and both cope in different ways. My one friend had thoughts of random acts of violence. He would picture himself doing something really violent, but he never could or would. The thoughts themselves where scary to him. On day he told his wife. He basically said " I have these crazy violent thoughts sometimes, and while i know they're irrational, they haunt me. Like right now I just had a flash of hitting you." Scary stuff, but telling his wife for whatever reason ended the cycle. He know longer has those thoughts. I don't know how or why that stopped them, but they did. He was even to the point where he was scared to drink because he was scared he would do something if he had a beer. When he told me this stuff, i was a little freaked out... Like what is he thinking about me now when he is telling me this story (eek). But yeah, then i have another friend that has flashes of certain things that are taboo. Or at least that how he explains it. He is over coming his thought by therapy and immersion. He is being guided through and learning more about these thoughts he has. While they're irrational, there is something subconsciously triggering them. It maybe just fear... Fear of the thoughts themselves. The just manifest into a repetitive cycle and cause some guilt, self doubt, and paranoia.

So anyways, while i've never really experienced this stuff, two close friends of my have. And these guys i knw randomly, its not like we go to group therapy together. They're just two close people to me. This tells me this is very common. Most people are scared to talk about this stuff because they feel people will think they're crazy. My one friend is having great results with therapy, and it sounds like your girlfriend is understanding, which is great.

I would see a therapist, personally, if you're not already. I think everyone on this earth should see a therapist. Its great to have someone to confide in, and then just walk away. Its a great relationship, or it can be.

Anyways, good luck. And thanks for writing... Stick around, there's lots of great people here.
Dan
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


LoloBug
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 11/9/2007 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Tactix-
I completely know what you are talking about. I have suffered from anxiety, depression, OCD, agoraphobia, and hypochondria for a while now. I often think how I could end my life, not that I ever would, just the mere fact that it is possible scares me. I have fears of dying and its hard for my to go to sleep as well. I recently started getting thoughts in my head of being violent, which I also would never do, but for some reason I cant stop them. I wish, like many of us, it would all just go away. But unfortunatly its not that easy. The best we can do is see a therapist, get meds if you believe in that, and believe in ourselves that we are stronger than this. Stay strong!! yeah

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/10/2007 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Tactix-
Welcome to Healing Well and the best support site on the internet.  We are glad you joined us and thank you for sharing your story.
 
You will find many kind and caring members here who know where your coming from and what your going through.

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of A & P and still being able to be anonymous. Stay with us and keep posting.

Respectfully

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/11/2007 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
You will find the support and caring on this forum

The ppl here are fantastic and will try to help you thru anything

great input already just want to add a welcome and to plz stay with us

Know you are not alone anymore

Keep posting.........take care........and yes I agree therapy would be in order as well
We are always here for you......LYN


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


Tactix
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/11/2007 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone.

Was a pretty good weekend, Im now on quite a high dose of St Johns, obviosuly these things take a while to kick in. My state of anxiety is definately related to my level of sleep currently. I had a pretty rough night last night, and as a result am a bit on edge again today. Just trying to stay positive, I know that things will come right in the end :-)

hopeisreal
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 11/11/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi T:

I find when I don't get good night's sleep---I have "bad days"--edgy, anxious, pains, etc..... I have been going to bed a little earlier---and trying some meditation (breathing) exercises to try and help me wind 'down' from the day--and also help me sleep better at night! It seems to help-----;)

Keep posting here----great ppl on this MB!

Laurel

Tactix
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/11/2007 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I think i will actualy sleep well tonight given Im so exhausted. Going to go for a run tonight as well as a gym session to tire myself out should help

I did some meditation exercises last night as well, which seems to be good. I visualised breaking surf coming in and out to the time of my breath. All very zen and new age, but it did actually work wonders.

Thanks for everybodies kind comments, its great knowing that others are going through the same things

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/11/2007 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Tactix,

I am glad you are trying some new age methods to relax and sleep.  I can day dream well as long as I don't loose control. 

I use Trazadone at low dose for sleep and it works like a charm.  No benzos for sleep anymore.

Take care and keep posting.

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 

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