I know how you feel and i'm sorry. Breaking up is awful, and moving out into your own place, while exciting at times, can be very frightening. I'm around the same again and feel different at different parts of the day about
being alone. Sometimes its exciting to think that I have my own place, everything is mine, and its a place that i call my home. At night it's a different story, i want to the company, i want the person I was with to be there with me, or someone to share the time with. I have nights where i sleep with the lights on. I have hard nights, but i'll tell you this -- It gets easier. The more time that has gone by the better i feel. You wont always be afraid to be alone, it just takes time to get used to. You lived with someone for 13 years!!! Thats a really long time! It takes a little while to get used to, but you be fine. In fact, you'll probably end up loving it! I know most of the time I do.
A way i got used to sleeping with the lights off again was i bought a lamp that had a dimmer. Each night I would turn my light of and turn on the lamp. I would dim it more and more each night just a little. After a few nights it was so dim it made this annoying buzzing sound, so i just turned it off :)
Also, white noise has helped me a lot. I use a fan every night, no matter how cold it is (yeah, i know -- real good way to waste energy), but it helps.
You're going through a tough time, and I would lean on some family and friends for a little while. Talking on the phone helped me, or writing on the computer. Also, it sounds like this move hasnt happened yet, so a lot of this is anticipatory anxiety. Something I suffer greatly from. The one thing I have found is that facing what i fear usually isnt nearly as bad as thinking about
what I fear. Meaning, once you actually move in to the place, it wont be as bad as you think. It really wont. And just to make sure it won't be, you can do a few things to occupy yourself during the transition.
Plan, and set your expectations low. If you know you're going to be afraid of the dark when you are alone, get a lamp that dims. Its soothing some night to sleep with a dim light. It's almost like candle light but safer!!! :) Lean on friends and fam. Call your friends and chat and stay busy. Get a journal if you dont have one and start writing all the feelings you have.
Coming on here and writing is a really strong and brave start to your move. You're reaching out, and we're here for you... What i think you're dealing with is two-fold (anticipatory anxiety and separation anxiety). Thats why you feel like a baby, and you feel guilty for having those feelings. Don't, or try not too. So many people feel that way. Some nights I still run to my room after i shut the bathroom light off cause I'm scared of whats (not really) down the hall -- I freak myself out the same way i did when i was little.
So anyways, I think you're off to a great start even though it may not feel that way. The helpless feeling will go away, and that fear you have WILL NOT be as bad as you think it will. Really. Just keep writing, keep doing, keep thinking about
the place during the day, and how you're going to do things to make the nights be comfortable for you. It sounds like you are trusting your gut, and usually your gut is right. Don't stay in something that you don't like. Its not fair to you or the other person. I think its brave of you to go out onto your own. And again, you'll see that its not that bad. Just takes a little time... Again, the hardest part is just doing it, and you're almost there... You're in the toughest part!
Hang in there, and keep writing! Be kind to yourself and know that its ok to have the feelings you have. It's natural!
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.
"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron
Post Edited (Danxiety) : 11/8/2007 10:20:20 PM (GMT-7)