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emmiesuz
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 11/10/2007 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello-
I feel like I am loosing it. I am in the middle of the most stressful time in my life. I am buying a house, and it has been the worst experience ever. Even my agent says that it is NEVER this bad. We just had a whole bunch of circumstances that were out of the ordinary.
Anyway, I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, and we have been living together for 4. We are buying the house together. I can only imagine it is because of the high stress and huge life change of buying property, but my feelings for him are just gone. Like I have just checked out. Feel nothing. I question EVERY second of the day if I am doing the right thing, what would happen if I backed out of the deal....questions spinning constantly. Even though we have been in a committed relationship for 9 years, this is a bigger commitment. this is like getting married. Huge. I feel I have completely lost myself and am terrified. I think it is all because of my OCD and anxiety.....I often get numb feelings at times of stress.....I hope this is just a HUGE reaction to a HUGE stress.
Anyone ever experience this?

Sad-Faced Girl
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/10/2007 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Some times, things occur for specific reasons. You have mentioned that you have no feelings left for your boyfriend of 9 years. Is he aware of this? If you have nothing in your heart for him, then you shouldn't consider buying a house with him. Living with someone you no longer have feelings for can be emotionally draining for both parties. Depending on what you believe, God maybe telling you that now isn't the right time.

Talk to your boyfriend and let him know what you are feeling. Make sure that it isn't just the OCD & Anxiety causing you to feel this way. If you still feel that you just can't muster up enough love to keep him in your life, cut your losses and walk away.

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 11/10/2007 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there_

I just want to let you know that I'm sorry you're going through this, and i know that it is a VERY stressful time. While they anxiety and relationship stuff, and the idea of being overly committed is eating you up, i have a story to tell they may help a little. My close friend (who's a woman) was in a very similar situation. She went through with purchasing a house and after about a year her relationship fell apart. So, what they did? They rented out the house to cover the mortgage (they were lucky, cause they stayed friends) and after about 5 years they sold they house and split the money. I asked her "what would you have done if you guys weren't friends? Thats a lofty investment you both were involved with." She said " No big deal, we woulda just sold the place then". So it's a different perspective, coming from someone with out an anxious mind. At the end of the day, no matter how hard it feels, you are never trapped, obligated, or incapable of changing the situation. Never. It's your life, and you are in complete control. You know, if all this stuff is really stressing you out and now you are questioning the relationship, maybe it would be good to talk to your boyfriend and just tell him that something doesnt feel right. Back out of the deal. You're never trapped, and if you lose a little bit of money in order to feel more comfortable, i think its worth it. I think you BF will understand, and who knows -- he might feel the same.

It sounds like this house purchase has been riddle with some many obstacles, it would be hard NOT to question the relationship and what not. Maybe its a good sign to take it back a step. Work on one thing at a time. Maybe dropping this place will allow you to regain certain feeling that maybe masked by your anxiety? Maybe it will just help with your piece of mind, and you wont feel that over commitment. Maybe you're just not up for that yet...

I dunno, I personally have never experience this particular cycle, but it does feel like the house stress is taking over and maybe causing you to question everything.

Be good to yourself right now, you're going through a tough time and you need to be kind to yourself. Remember that no matter what happens, you will be ok! You are always in control of your life. And while you are dealing with this, dont forget the simple things like eating well, sleeping, and exercising, if you can. A lot of times that will help release some of that built up tension.

Please keep us posted.
Dan
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 11/10/2007 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, and don't do anything (if you can help it) that is bad for you. If this process of buying the house is the worst experience ever, end it.

Just my advice

dan
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


emmiesuz
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 11/10/2007 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your replies. I know deep down that this is a good thing. It's more about the fact that ever since I was in high school...(many years ago) every boyfriend I ever had, when things got too close, or intimate or committed, my feelings shut off. I really feel like it is my minds way of protecting myself. Whenever I am in a high stress or anxiety provoking situation I 'check out' or disconnect from myself. I am a performer, and the same thing happens before I go on stage, or sometimes in an audition situation. I think I have always had a huge fear of commitment and marriage, and it is just frightening. Dan, your words about "nothing is ever permanent" helped, because it made me take a breath and see that I just need to overcome my fears and try something new. THEN, if things dont work out....then yes, it's ok to change the course.
It's just scary, and my minds way of dealing with it is numbness. Just wondered if anyone out there had these feelings of disconnection with highly stressful or emotional situations.
I DO love him, but its like a disconnect from my heart and him....
Thank you for taking all that time and thought into replies. They did help!!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/10/2007 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Emmie,

Hello this is Kitt.  Buying a house together is a huge step.  I guess if your feeling this way now my  advice would be the best way to protect yourself: Don't buy the house with your boyfriend. Don't do ANYTHING jointly involving money with someone that you're not prepared to share your life with.

If your sure this is something you want to do, then have your own lawyer to make sure the ownership is set up so that you will not lose your investment in the house if things should not go well.

If you are not feeling anything for him, it feels to me like your not ready to buy the house and should cut your losses right now.  Buying a house is always going to cause anxiety but your's is raising red flags and any time you have these kinds of doubts you should step back and talk it through with your therapist or someone that has your best interests at heart.

I wish you peace and please keep posting.  We are here for you.

Hugs

Kitt


 
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emmiesuz
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 11/10/2007 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your advise and input. However, the nature of message boards is such that things get lost in translation. Your advise, though so thoughtful, is different than the question I was asking. Which is totally fine. This is a situation I guess I can't explain thru typing. I am talking about something very different than what you are answering to. I guess I am not explaining myself. However, reading your replies and thinking about them has made me find some peace but in the total opposite direction. I will continue talking with my therapist about this issue and will continue posting here about other issues.
Thanks again for all your kind words....sorry I couldn't explain better.
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