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neelie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 11/20/2007 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
sad  I have written once or twice before and felt the need to do so again before I leave for work.  I am 41 and graduated nursing school Sept 06.
I past the boards my second try and became an RN in April 07.
I took a job in the operating room in June.  I have had a crummy training compared to alot of other hospitals so I'm told and management offers little to no support.  I had a hard day Saturday, was off Sunday (got my period) and yesterday I dreaded going in before I left the house.  Had a hard day feeling overwhelmed and lost with some of the surgeries and as soon as I saw my husband waiting to pick me up I started crying and cried on the way home.  I have had anxiety over the years off/on with different situations and was called a worry wart by my 2nd grade teacher.  As you can see - I have not the thickest skin.  I am dreading going in today.  I know the last time I emailed a few people responded that this was normal for being a new nurse but it feels awful and sometimes wonder if it's worth it?  I cried today when I woke up just thinking I had to go into work.  This seems insane!  I know I am not a real confident person especially with something new to me which being a nurse is.  I feel so overwhelmed and discouraged.  Life is too short to dread things like work.  I'm not sure if this will pass or if this isn't a good fit for me.  I'm confused as to what to do.  My husband doesn't know what to say to me - he thinks I should quite if it's going to make me this upset.  I don't know what to do.  I really feel alone with this.
neelie

hopeisreal
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 11/20/2007 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Neelie---My SIL is a nurse in Long Term Care---she is a supervisor--and it is way too much for her. She suffers from Anxiety/ADD/depression and some other things (I'm not sure of)---we talk about things, and I asked her why is she attracted to such a high-stress job when she has issues with stress/anxiety etc.... She told me b/c of the money (she is single, not married, has to support herself). She has many more bad days than good (with the responsibility of work, being short staffed, and then her own Anxiety, etc...)---I am trying to encourage her to look for a nursing job that is a little less stressful. I know (and appreciate) that nursing is very hard----but, maybe is there a possibility that you could try and find a job in a nursing position that isn't so stressful---and all? A doctor's office? Some other specialty?

I know it is easier said than done---but, I am just thinking 'out loud' to you---and if it is possible--maybe talk to DH about finding a nursing job that is a little less stressful---to help YOU out?

Keep posting here----we want to know how you are doing----
Laurel

Thys
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/20/2007 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Neelie: It seems as if you're in a bad spot. Nursing is a stressful, and noble, profession. If at all possible, try to remind yourself of the good you are providing others. It may help feeling so down on what you are doing. Best of luck.

neelie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 11/20/2007 8:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the feed back - I appreciate it!!!!!

Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 11/20/2007 10:33 PM (GMT -7)   
hey neelie!

try and hang in there and be easy on yourself. I'm not a nurse, but when i got the job I'm at now i felt as if i was dropped into the ocean with out a boat, life vest, and i couldnt see the shore. It was awful feeling. I just tried to keep my head above water and as time went on i started to feel better and a bit more confident. Now its been 2.6 years and i run the account I'm on. Anyways, while it maybe really really awful right now, you might find as time passes that you really love it. I know it might not play out that way, and it sounds like you're really hurting from this... So whatever you do, be kind to yourself. If you quit tomorrow, its ok. If you try and stick it out for a bit, thats ok too. When you get home, try and do something you enjoy. Try and do things that make you feel good, and break the anxiety a bit...

be well! Hang in there!!! You're not alone! keep writing.
dan
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


rolltide
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 11/21/2007 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
hang in there Neelie! We're thinking about you

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 11/21/2007 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Neelie, I have so much respect for nurses.  There is no way I could handle the stress.  I've been called a worry wart too, my mother says I should be rubbed with sandpaper to make my skin tougher!! 

It sounds like you are in a difficult spot.  New jobs are tough, but they shouldn't have you crying and anxious and depressed.  You probably feel a bit trapped because you've just done all that study, but it needn't go to waste.  As I said, I am not a nurse but are there areas where it is less stressful to work? Maybe in a little while you can be transferred somewhere more suitable?

 
I may be making no sense here Neelie, but my thoughts are with you.  Please keep us posted
I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 
 
NervyMeg


neelie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 12/8/2007 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for all the support and advise.  I am someone who has trouble with change - I like everything to stay the same.  Yup - you can see where I'm coming from.  I really connected with Danxiety.  I really hate to quit because maybe I will like it.  Somedays are really ok and then some are really not.  No in between it seems.
I think my period is playing a part in this when I really feel like a ball of emotions.  I have 0 confidence and thin skin when Dr's get nasty - and they do......  The other nurses are nice and alot of the support staff.  I have never had a stressful job before nor a demanding, life or death job.  My feelings get hurt easily which I hate.
I have had really tough things to go through in my life and most of them had I quit I wouldn't be blessed with certain rewards now.  Thats why I wasn't sure what to do.  Thanks everyone!  I am grateful to this website too :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/8/2007 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   

neelie

Hello, this is Kitt.  I was out of town when you posted on the 20th and missed your post. I apologize. :)

I am a RN with 26 years of experience in ICU and ER.  I spent the last part of my career managing the ER and Respiratory Care.  I am a lot like you and I managed to get through some pretty wobbly times.  I also am sensitive and always work better on praise then criticism.  Throughout my carreer I drove home in tears many times. 

Most of the time it was stress driven and I did not feel like I was as good as the other nurses who just did the job when I was so anxious inside and my hands shook. Starting an IV with shaky hands was not easy.  I ended up on Inderal for the hand tremor.  It helped. :( But I hated that I needed it.

I have read a lot about burn out and being a bit OCD I always offered to do  more, pick up shifts and work doubles...........then into management with no training so I had to learn by the seat of my pants.  That is where it started to get really tough for me, I had a hard time reprimanding people, I have a soft heart and I did not want people to hate me or think I was mean.

I hid the stress at work but would cry at home until finely I started to break at work.  That is when I gave myself permission to retire.

I was like you, I was afraid and I would repeat my mantra to help me get through a code or whatever the emergency,  I would say "I AM A Professional, I Can Do This"  You see I loved taking care of the patients, it was the short staffing and high census and dealing with difficult peers that wore me down.  If I made an error I was so hard on myself I would cry for days thinking how stupid I was.

So my friend, do not beat yourself up,  do not be afraid to change your mind if O R is not where it is at for you.  Give yourself permission to be human.  You wear many hats in a 24 hour period, try to leave the nursing cap at work.  Don't dwell on just work.  It doesn't help.

Nursing is your chosen profession not who you are.  You are a wonderful and caring person with a life to live. 

Laugh often. Dream big. Reach for the Stars.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt
 


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


neelie
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 12/8/2007 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Kit,
Thanks so much for the message. Seems like things are black/white for me. When I have a good day all seems well. When I have a bad day - I hate it and it really stinks. Seems there is no in between.... I have no comfort zone yet which I hate!!!!!!
I feel stupid most of the time and that makes it difficult. It's awful having to think about every single thig before you do it....
neelie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/8/2007 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   

neelie,

You are not stupid, you are practicing medicine safely.  Be proud of that and soon you will find you feel comfortable with yourself.

In the ER we used to take a lot of verbal orders and they were not written down until after the fact.  I would ask 2-3 times for the Dr. to repeat the order and state who it was for as the volumes through the ER were sometimes very large and with more than one patient it would have been so easy to give the patient wrong med, test etc.

It was hard to train the physicians to write the orders down but once that happened it help reduce the stress with that one issue.

Black and white in medication administration is the only way to be.  You cannot be off by just a little bit.

Practice being kind to yourself.  You are a good person...............you got your license, so you are Not Stupid.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/8/2007 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Neelie.......Welcome
NO you are not stupid at all ........
I too am a retired R.N and did my job for many yrs as Kitt did .......

Yes it can be stressful BUT I have to say Kittt has given you the best advice possible hun and I do hope you will really start to stop beating self up over this ...........
It takes some time getting use to but you will and you will be the best Nurse in the ER...OR...
Kitt has more experience with ER work than I ..I was into geriatrics and HIV/AIDS..........
Please stay with us and know we are here and are able to understand what you are feeling and going thru .......
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rolltide
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/1/2008 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm no nurse but I think you'll find that comfort zone soon. Try and not be so critical of yourself :)

Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/2/2008 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello neelie I have not been posting for sometime and havent got a chance to meet you as there are so many new members. I've been trying to go through and meet everyone! Anyway i admire the fact that you went through school and is now a nurse. I have a couple of nurses in my family. They tell me it can be very demanding. I have an aunt that has been a nurse since she was 18 years old and now is 54 years old. She worked in the hospital setting for many,many years and now has a nursing job sitting behind a desk!!! She said she will never go back to nursing in a hospital setting! I am like you when it comes to change i've been getting up in the mornings and getting ready to go in the same order every day for the last so many years and when my routine is broken in some kind of way it throws my whole day off! (lol) But you have made a major change and it's going to take some getting use to.I wouldn't throw in the towel yet though! My opinion is that you have worked too hard to give it up so easy.Again thats just my opinion.I think if you keep hanging in there and find you a comfort zone you will be just fine.Just do me a favor stop being so hard on yourself your'e only human honey.Give yourself a little more time before you give up but if it gets to be too much for you i mean to the point where you just simply cant handle it i would let it go because its not worth making your self sick!!! Like kitt said allow yourself to be human!! Worse case scenerio nursing is not for you it's not like you cant give something else a try.Life is full of options.Hang in there baby! Keep us posted!

Aussieangel
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 2/3/2008 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi neelie, welcome. I hope things have settled down and you're starting to feel better.

Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/3/2008 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hay nellie i was just checking to see if everything was ok with you!
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