My panic is a thousand times worse... depressed about it

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Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 12/11/2007 11:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so confused because everyone who is pregnant with panic loves that they're symptoms dissappear... well mine HAVEN'T! In fact they have gotten WORSE.
 
Every morning I wake up with severe panic and all day long at any given moment my heart rate will shoot up to 140 bpm and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.  I feel awful 24/7 and I feel like I'm locked up again in my mental prison.  All I want to do is cry.  I thought being pregnant was supposed to be fun but now I'm even more miserable and am feeling like I was way better off before I was pregnant.
 
I can't talk to my fiance about it because everytime I do he changes the subject.  Or he wants s e x.  Then if I get irritated he turns it around like everything is my fault and I get even more mad because I feel even more alone.  I feel like I have no one to turn to except my sister and HW.
 
I don't know if my meds are failing or what... but I feel terrible and I just cry a lot and my fiance doesn't even care.  If I try to talk to him he just says "i don't understand" and sweeps it under the rug just like my father used to do.
 
I feel SO alone and I'm mad at everything.  Why me? I keep asking myself.  WHAT did I do so terrible to deserve this?
 
I find myself at the same place I was a year ago but feeling even more down on myself.  At least I didn't have to deal with a significant other turning everything around on me to make me seem like I'm in the wrong when I know I'm not.
 
I am mad at him ... I am mad at this disorder... I am mad that there isn't a one time pill to cure this stupid disease.
 
I just feel like crying and now I'm rambling but there seems to be nothing I can do anymore to help get better.
 
Look everytime I wake up I can't breathe and I just woke up and my heart is racing and I feel like crying and I just want someone to talk to!
 
TG~


"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 
 
 
Help support Healing Well and its' forums and chatrooms... donate today.... http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (Twiggygal) : 12/11/2007 6:51:31 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/11/2007 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   

TG

Hey there, big breath and know your going to be ok.  Let's just sort through this.

I sense you are angry at a lot of things and your BF is not helping matters.  Any chance you could ask him to sit down and talk things through. Don't use accusing comments................instead phrase your concerns like this " it makes me feel anxious when I need someone to talk to and your busy"  not 'You tick me off when you won't talk to me"

Try to stay in the adult to adult mode and talk about how you feel and how he feels.  You may find he is frustrated that he does not know how to help you.  Can you tell him what you need?
 
IMHO you need to see your physician and talk this whole issue through with he/she to see if there is something else that you physician can offer you to help you through this difficult time.
 
And TG, please know that all pregnant women are not happy.........so your not alone.  We are all here for you. Lean on us.
 
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 12/11/2007 10:09 PM (GMT -7)   
We tried to talk about it but he says he feels helpless and doesn't know how to talk to me because he doesn't know how to respond. I just said can you listen and try to understand.

I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow about maybe switching to klonopin if she'll allow it. We'll see if she will. Doubt it though.

I just feel frustrated that I'm not getting better despite every attempt to do so. This is such a frustrating and DEMENTED disease. So now I just stay in my room all day and hide in bed or in my house and never leave as I'm so panicky.

I can leave... I think... I just don't want to. Maybe it's the depression.

TG~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 
 
 
Help support Healing Well and its' forums and chatrooms... donate today.... http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Sis
Listen
YOu have come so far
ONE thing you have to keep in mind is this
YOU are NOT drinking and that will have an effect on you as well ...........a great one in the longrun BUT it is hard when thats all you've known or way you hid the Twiggy we all have loved from day one....BE PROUD OF THAT
HE has got to listen and understand your hormones are flying every which way possible right now and I know it will get better .......I am so glad you have an app and will talk to the doc today.......you may be able to go to 2 mgs of ativan for a bit ..........see if that helps at all

Is it possible for him to go to doc's app with you ........

Kitt had some great input as well sweetie ..........
AND true many preggars woman are not happy at first .........

TRY putting all that anger frustration and all of it into something positive like when this baby comes out and snuggles into her Momma's chest............that is the beauty of the preggars..........

I do hope he will at least TRY to be more understanding ...........(I am so sorry )I wanted this to be the greatest time for you hun......I really did ..........

Love ya
S.I.S.
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Also let him know he needs to listen as you need to get this out as it can be felt by the sweet innocent baby and you's as parents have to work together NOW...........

All my love..............tell baby Amber L I say hello n luv her..........
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/12/2007 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning TG

I hope today the sun is shining where you are. :)

I understand your desire to just hole up and hide and that is ok for a short time but now let's get you out of the hidey hole.

Do you think you could set one goal each day to get out and do something, even if it is a short walk down the street?  Another thing that helps me is making sure I wash my hair and always get dressed everyday as if I were going somewhere.  If you start to let go you look in the mirror and see a strager's face looking back at you.  You see a depressed and anxious person which in my case makes me feel worthless.
 
I am here for you whenever you need someone so please feel free to email me and continue to post here as we all support you.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/12/2007 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
AS well IF you ever get the urge to ............PLZ get to me asap .....I will email my number to you k ..........I and Kitt want you to be happy and SAFE


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


sweetandsour
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/14/2007 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Hi Twiggy,
 
I felt that i had to join this site to write to you because I was looking for answers today. I am also feeling helpless. I have suffered with anxiety all my life but it all got so much worse at the age of 17. I suffer from this anxiety nearlly everyday and I just had to find others who feel the same way I do. I felt a sense of relief when i read your first post on this particular topic because when you said you felt like you were in a "mental prison" I understood exactly how you felt. I have said so many times that i just wish i could take my brain away every now and then, because i can then relax.
Im 22 and I am such a positive person on the outside. I'm always making jokes and trying to make others laugh but inside im just feeling so much anxiety. I have always wondered whether my anxiety would change when Im pregnant and this makes me feel like I don't want children but I think you need to think about how you're going to feel when your baby arrives. You are going to feel so much love and this will hopefully focus your attention on other things.
 
Can you please answer some questions for me? do you worry about everything? do you worry about your health, your family, what ppl think of you? well this is what I worry about all the time. I honestly worry every second of every day and sometimes it takes over my life completely, it has prevented me from doin so many things but I just cnt live my life like this anymore. I need it to change. You're probably going to think im completely mad but every chance ive got...i will even take my blood pressure to make sure im not going to hav a heart attack. I was at university studying to be a dietician and i used to check my heart rate all the time...and believe me, my heart rate used to hit the mid hundreds too, but then this wld worry me even more and in turn my heart rate wld increase. As im writing this im actually thinking how crazy i sound. My doctor gave me some good advice recently. He told me
"you are NOT going to die...every time you get your anxiety just tell urself..this is nothing to do with your body failing, its because your brain is taking over. say to yourself...there is NOTHING wrong with me".
This really does work most of the time. My brain is my absolute WORST enemy. I hate the fact that im such a bloody worrier!!! My boyfriend of four years took such a long time to understand what this anxiety is like but after he read about anxiety disorder, he slowly began to realise that its not just me! he used to call me a hypercondriac (and i will admit...sometimes i am) but he is slowly understanding.
 
Just give your fiancee time! talk more and get your doctor to explain your symptoms and why you feel the way you do. sometimes it takes others to get through.
 
sorry ive written so much but this is the first time ive spoken to someone else who may understand.
 
thanks :-)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/14/2007 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello sweetand sour and Welcome

If you start your own thread and just say hello, I am new...........you will be able to meet and greet many of our warm and caring members.

I do not want you to miss out on the feeling of caring your will receive in your introduction.  You can post as little or as much as you like in your intro.

Again a warm welcome to you.

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 12/14/2007 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Ugh I'm trying to breathe through all this and then I found some stuff on google about pregnancy and afterwards about how the panic gets worse and I just am FREAKING out ugh. 

But I don't know... I'm trying to find stuff about why my pregnancy isn't all roses but Lyn is probably right... I'm not drinking... which I'm used to doing but hmm...

skitt- I've been trying to go to work everyday at my office and I go and it helps with the panic to get out of the house.  I try to get out of bed everyday but sometimes it's hard.

 

sweetandsour-

Hi and welcome to HealingWell.  Yes I worry about EVERYTHING.  I hate the thought of people thinking badly of me, which is why I hesitated to post that I'm only 21 and pregnant and engaged!  I just try to not think about what people are thinking of me or my health but sometimes I just cannot BREATHE and my chest will feel tight and then I regress into thinking I'm going to die because I can't breathe.

I don't think you're mad at all.  I go to Walmart and check my blood pressure and then start having a panic attack about having my arm stuck in the machine.  Weird eh? Not really.  I fear the thought of being trapped and unable to escape!  I think i'm a hypocondriac too as I think I'm dieing of everything from cancer to Aids on a daily basis.  But I just found out I don't have AIDS from a test at the doc.

You're not alone!  My fiance kind of gets it but not really.  He doesn't seem to understand that now my panic is worse all throughout the day and I never know what the heck is wrong with me.

I'm going to a doctor on monday who is an OB and a woman.  I'm going to tell her how I've been feeling and tell her I've been feeling worse but heck... she may not understand.  I feel like no one will understand what's wrong with me if I tell them and that they'll take my medication away because they think I'm just nuts and need to be in the psych ward because I'm pregnant.
 
That's my true fear.  Not having my meds.  Because I can't function without them. (at least I think I can't)
 
*HUGS*
 
TG~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 
 
 
Help support Healing Well and its' forums and chatrooms... donate today.... http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

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