I am so confused because everyone who is pregnant with panic loves that they're symptoms dissappear... well mine HAVEN'T! In fact they have gotten WORSE.
Every morning I wake up with severe panic and all day long at any given moment my heart rate will shoot up to 140 bpm and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I feel awful 24/7 and I feel like I'm locked up again in my mental prison. All I want to do is cry. I thought being pregnant was supposed to be fun but now I'm even more miserable and am feeling like I was way better off before I was pregnant.
I can't talk to my fiance about it because everytime I do he changes the subject. Or he wants s e x. Then if I get irritated he turns it around like everything is my fault and I get even more mad because I feel even more alone. I feel like I have no one to turn to except my sister and HW.
I don't know if my meds are failing or what... but I feel terrible and I just cry a lot and my fiance doesn't even care. If I try to talk to him he just says "i don't understand" and sweeps it under the rug just like my father used to do.
I feel SO alone and I'm mad at everything. Why me? I keep asking myself. WHAT did I do so terrible to deserve this?
I find myself at the same place I was a year ago but feeling even more down on myself. At least I didn't have to deal with a significant other turning everything around on me to make me seem like I'm in the wrong when I know I'm not.
I am mad at him ... I am mad at this disorder... I am mad that there isn't a one time pill to cure this stupid disease.
I just feel like crying and now I'm rambling but there seems to be nothing I can do anymore to help get better.
Look everytime I wake up I can't breathe and I just woke up and my heart is racing and I feel like crying and I just want someone to talk to!
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."
DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
Post Edited (Twiggygal) : 12/11/2007 6:51:31 PM (GMT-7)