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Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 12/19/2007 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
It's funny how little things outside of my control can have such a dramatic affect on my mood. I went out on a first date with a great guy last night. We hit it off really well. We have a ton of stuff in common and talked for 2 1/2 hours straight. Everything from family and childhood, to careers, to future plans, to home buying, and Star Wars! :) He wouldn't let me pay for my half of dinner and even walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight. I'm totally pyched! We're both about the same age, same life circumstances, same career fields, same world views, plus, he's cute, smart and funny! :) It seems almost too good to be true! I mean I haven't dated in like two years, so I'm all out of practice. And now I'm not sure what the bloody "h" "e" double hockey sticks I'm suppose to do? I mean we met on-line and have been emailing each other for the past two-weeks and I got an email from him this morning. So, I returned it, but I haven't heard back from him tonight and I know he was on-line. I know I'm being completely unrational and I've been trying to talk myself out of jumping to conclusions and making up horror stories. But, a small part of me, just can't seem to stop. Any suggestions?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/20/2007 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   

My best advise is to wait and let him contact you when he is ready.  He sent an email and you returned an answer so sit back and see what happens.

I am sure he has others he talks with online.  Remember it was a fun date and let fate take its course.

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love.

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 12/21/2007 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Kitt. Your advice is greatly appreciated! :) All of my concern started because I was going to check his profile for something that he had briefly mentioned, but I couldn't remember the specifics. But, before I signed in, the site said he had been on within the past hour and he hadn't been on for like two weeks. And he was recently on again, since I just got an email from the service and he was one of my "matches" and it indicated that he had been on within the past 24 hours and I still haven't heard back from him. I know I sound like I'm completely obsessed, but I just want to find out if I'll actually hear back from this guy or not. The thing is I really like him, but I'm not sure if I really made that clear or not. I mean in my last email I never paid him any compliments and just launched into my plans for the holidays and my views on the upcoming election. Right now, I'm beginning to think he's trying to keep his options wide open (which I can't blame him, I mean we've only had one date) and I must not have made that big of an impression on him. :(

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/21/2007 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Sadsong,

After your date did you tell him you enjoyed his company and had a very nice time?

Your right, he may not be ready to settle on a one to one relationship right now.  I would move forward with my life and if someone else shows up that you want to go out with, just go.

If you hear from the first guy and still want to see him then do it. If you never hear from him consider it a nice time and keep it as a memory.

Take care

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/21/2007 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I would stay calm and wait this out .....give him some room as well .......

I am sure he will contact you when HE is ready

I too wish you all ..especially Happy Holidays and LOVE

Luvs
LYN


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  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 12/21/2007 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for calming my nerves! :) And telling me exactly what I needed to hear. You really saved me from getting stuck in "stupid girl mode" and just sitting around waiting for him to respond. I mean why should I just sit around twittling my thumbs? If he responds, great, if not, then it's his loss, since the ball's in his court. :) And if he's not interested, then it's easier to take now than later. Thanks for showing me the trees in the forest! :)

Happy Holidays!

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 12/21/2007 11:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Ahhhh..the waiting game.  Be kind to yourself and don't obsess, you deserve much better.  The ball IS in his court and if he doesn't serve, you are right, it is his loss!

Stay busy, stay positive and have a lovely holiday :-)


I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 
 
NervyMeg


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 12/23/2007 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Meg! He called last night to wish me a Merry Christmas, since I'll be driving home to visit my family today. We agreed that we would get together next weekend when I get back into town. I'm not sure if he's "Mr. Right" but I'm interested in getting to know him and seeing where things lead! Have a Happy Holiday! :)

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/23/2007 5:40 AM (GMT -7)   
AHEMMMMMMMMMMM.............I think it is safe to say we told ya so
ROFLMBO.............I am so happy for you
Have a great Holiday and be safe come home to your family and him............

Luvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
  CO-Moderator@ Crohns
       Anxiety/Panic
  Moderator@ Alzheimer's
DX @ Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Anxiety /Panic
New DX of C.O.P.D.
ON too Many meds to post.........
 
        We Have Anxiety.....Anxiety Does NOT have Us
 
      
 
 
                            


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 12/31/2007 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn.  Now, I remember why I haven't dated in a while, it's like riding a bloddy rollercoaster ride!  I'm up, I'm down, I'm upside down, plus I feel like I'm back in Junior High School wondering what in the world I should do.  The strong confident woman is hiding somewhere nearby and I feel like I'm back falling head over feet for a guy that I hardly know and I'm scared to death, 'cause I don't want to get hurt again.  I know he's not, anyone that I've dated in the past, but at the same time, it's almost as if I'm back with my ex-finance and I'm about to get my heart ripped out.  He's smart, cute, and funny, but at the same time he's closed off too, but at other times he completely lets his guard down and tells me something that I never would have expected.  I guess we're still figuring each other out.  We've only been on two dates, so I don't really know him that well, but at the same time I feel really comfortable with him, but at other times I don't.  Agh!  I know I should just chill and see how things progress, but can be so difficult when there's a part of me that wants something that's so far down the line, but I'm still at the starting line.  I want a best friend and companion, but I want my freedom too, I want someone I can come home to and talk about my day.  I want someone to love and support me for who I am, and I want to be there for him too.  I also eventually want to get married and have kids, but I don't want to scare him off.  But, at the same time I'm scared that I would completely screw everything up.  That I'm not emotionally stable enough to take on all that.  That I'm not capable or able to be in a healthy relationship.  That I'm just gonna drive away a terrific guy, 'cause I can't keep my **** together.  Okay, now that I've gotten that all out of system and just shoveled out my driveway (we just got another foot of snow again) I feel much better!  :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2007 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Sadsong

Good for venting. Now, just be in the moment. Remember to relax a bit and that includes your picture of the perfect scenario.  Be sure to leave leeway for the other person to be human too.

This guy could have a whole set of his own issues he is working on.  To live life to the fullest you take risks.  You take chances and yet you still grab that brass  ring if it feels like the right thing to do.

Try to  go slow with this new man and don't analyze your every moment with him.  Perhaps that is just his demeanor and he is not "closed off" or maybe he is just nervous too.

My wish for you is peace and happiness but most of all I wish You love.

Kitt


 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 12/31/2007 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Gosh Sadsong, you sound just like me! I think the internet does make anxious feelings worse. I do that thing too of checking his internet profile, seeing that he's been online that day and then wondering why he's been on the internet but hasn't contacted me yet that day. Dunno why on earth I do it...he is allowed a life away from me and him simply logging on to the internet doesn't mean anything! It's a habit I'm trying to ween myself out of because it is very unhealthy and I hate myself for doing it.
 
stkitt said:
To live life to the fullest you take risks.  You take chances and yet you still grab that brass  ring if it feels like the right thing to do.
So true and beautifully said. The thing with anxiety is that it's too easy to overanalyse everything, so when you can't quite figure out someone else's actions or a certain situation there can be a tendency to automatically think the worst. This is particularly true if someone's treated you badly in the past. I've been with my man 5 months and he's absolutely nothing like my ex, but having experienced the hurt of being lied to and treated badly I seem to have become quite defensive...it's only natural because my brain knows that a relationship can lead to pain and of course it puts walls up as defence against it happening again.
 
Have faith in yourself Sadsong, good men don't come along every day and if he's worth it your instincts will know and it will work. :-)  

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/2/2008 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks all! :) I'm working on being more in the moment and one of ways I plan on doing that this year is by getting back into Yoga. It relaxes me, plus it's good exercise and keeps my spirts up! The guy is a really good guy, so we are taking things slow. I have a feeling he might have gotten hurt in the past. We haven't talked about prior relationships, but it's my gut reaction, which are usually right. It's like I'm talking or hanging out with my best friend, since we have so many things in common, plus he's a good kisser! :) And as one of my girlfriends said the other day, "go for it, since there aren't that many guys who can kiss well!" And I think the reason he's been on that dating website so much lately is 'cause he's been checking my profile. I told him a while back it was about to kick me off and it just did. So, I removed my profile and reset the number of times it's been viewed and sure enough, I've only gotten one "hit" on the day that I removed it and he hasn't been back on it since. Plus, I got an email from him immediately after I sent him an email. So, things seem to be going well. I was thinking of inviting him over for dinner sometime this week, but I've just come down with the flu, so I'll see how I feel in a few days. Keep your fingers crossed for me! :)

mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 1/2/2008 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Awwwwwww he sounds like a sweetie! :-)

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2008 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes he does

Hoping a keeper for ya hun
Glad ya are happy

Take care
Luvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
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 Moderator for Anxiety/Panic
 Moderator for Alzheimer's
 Co Mod for Crohns
 
 DX with Crohns ...Pyoderma Gangrenosum ..Anxiety /Panic.....
 TOO many meds to Post 
 
           Wishing all a Better and Healthier New Year in 2008  
 
        We have Anxiety ..Anxiety Does NOT have US........FIGHT
 
                        Luvs and God Bless..LYN
 
 
                            


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/4/2008 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I've invited him over for dinner tonight. Nothing fancy, just pizza and I thought we could either rent a movie or go to see one. We have a really cool new movie theather in town that just runs indy films. So, we'll see. But, boy am I nervous. I feel like I've just thrown myself out there and am waiting for the demolision ball to wack me up side my head! I mean I know a little anxiety is good, but I wish I had better control over this nightmare. And thanks again for letting me vent. It does seem to relieve a bit of the pain and I figure I'll also do some Yoga before going into work this morning that should do the trick. I've been doing 20 minutes twice a day for the past couple of days and it's been great! Hopefully, once I limber back up I'll be able to start taking classes again. For now, I just have a DVD that has two different programs on it, one for the morning and one for the afternoon, which works out well and put me right to sleep last night, which was a nice treat! :) Have a great day all! :) And wish me luck! :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/4/2008 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Today is your day to shine, and shine you will.  Just be you, your a wonderful and caring person.  Stay in the moment and do not anticipate what he may think.  He will accept you as you are, after all what is not to like about you. :)  Your going to do a nice job of entertaining this evening.
 
To me, when someone opens their home and welcomes me, that is a compliment.
 
Much love, health and happiness in your life.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/4/2008 6:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I am wishing you all the best for " YOUR night " and please do post and let us know how it all went k

Your family here are supporting you 110% as we do all ........

Luvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
                          http://www.healingwell.com/donate/
 
 Moderator for Anxiety/Panic
 Moderator for Alzheimer's
 Co Mod for Crohns
 
 DX with Crohns ...Pyoderma Gangrenosum ..Anxiety /Panic.....
 TOO many meds to Post 
 
           Wishing all a Better and Healthier New Year in 2008  
 
        We have Anxiety ..Anxiety Does NOT have US........FIGHT
 
                        Luvs and God Bless..LYN
 
 
                            


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/4/2008 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
You guys are the best! He asked for a rain check, since he's trying to finish a report he's working on. (A part of me says who in the hell works late on a Friday night, but I've been there myself many times. The other part of me feels relieved. And yet another part of me is disappointed.) I guess that would make me a healthy balanced individual, right? Well, he did say he would let me know either way, but in the mean time I'm gonna run out a get a movie anyways! :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/4/2008 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Yes you are healthy.  He talked to you and was not just a no show.  That shows you he is decent. 

Get the movie and keep up the good attitude.  You are a great person !

Hugs

Kitt


 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Danxiety
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 322
   Posted 1/4/2008 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   
ok ok...break it up, girls club.

kidding.

This is one of the most exciting things I've read in a while. You have a great attitude and are doing the right things. Listen to these ladies, they know whats up...

Have fun!!!!

Dan
---
Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Depression.

"We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves."
- Pema Chodron


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/12/2008 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks all.  You guys are the greatest!  :)  We email each other practically every day, but I haven't seen him since our second date last month.  Things are going well, I think, but it's kinda hard to tell, since I haven't heard from him in a few days.  My internet connection wasn't working properly, so I built up enough courage and left him a message on his voice mail.  But, now I finally got my computer to work and it turns out that he hasn't been trying to contact me.  So, I'm a bit bummed, but not overly so.  I mean I first thought "Oh my god, he's gonna think I'm a freak and need to hear from him everyday!  Or that he's found someone better and doesn't want anything to do with me!"  But, the rational side finally kicked in and said "He's probably out doing something fun, since the weather here is beautiful today!  And I'm sure that I'll hear from him when he's ready.  See, your guy's early advice has seeped in!  :)

On a separate note, I bumped into one of my former bosses the other day.  Boy, was that weird.  The work environment was the worst I've ever been in, very controlling and demeaning.  At one point, I was relaying something that had happened to me to my brother over the phone and he pointedly said "Ya know, abuse doesn't have to be physical."  Seeing my former boss seemed to bring up all that crap again and I just couldn't stop spewing about it to my co-workers afterwards.  They had no idea the place was that bad.  But, now they understand why they have such a high turn-over rate.  Plus, it took me at least the first year in my current position, just to get over some of the insecurities that I had been driven into me, since I was constantly being told that I was more of a liability than an asset to the organization.  I mean, I never got a compliment, nor encouragement.  Everything I wrote was rewritten, so much so that it didn't resemble anything that I had written.  And now, with the group I work with now, they can't stop gushing about me.  Everything from my work ethic, to my capabilities, to my initiative, to my ability to work well with others.  And not once did was I told that I did anything well at that last place.  At my last review at my last place I was told that I was doing "fine," that I had a lot to learn, and a long way to go.  But, I was asked if I had a problem with taking directions from people in positions of authority.  I said no and some other bull.  But, the reality is I had a problem taking directives from him, since I was constantly undervalued, put-down and belittled.  


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/12/2008 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

I am fresh back from vacation so I am ready to jump in and lend an ear, shoulder or whatever. :)
As for the online friend, I would not dwell on him to much. He is either very shy and then he needs to work on the problem or he is just not ready to be involved and that is ok too.
Keep your options open as you are a winner and the man for you just has not come along yet.  He will and when he does, you will know.

Wow, I am glad you left your old job. Most people work best with positive reinforcement and even when you receive constructive critism if should be delivered in a safe way so as not to put you down but to help you learn.

My best advice from past experience is to be the best that you can be and relaize some days are better than others.  Don't take your job home with you, unless you have to work from home of course.

Try not to make your job your whole life, it is not who you are, it is what you do.  I am sure your company is lucky to have you.

Bless you and gentle hugs.

 


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/12/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Kitt. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, but it can be hard, since I really like him. I'm 33, he's 35 and I haven't met anyone that I've been really interested in in over two years. So, there's a part of me that want to jump in with two feet and there's another stronger part that says "wait a minute, you hardly know this guy." I want to see where it may lead, but at the same time, I'm scared to death. I just want to get to the part where we cuddle up on the couch and watch tv and I'm not sure how to get to that point. I can't for the life of me think of anything to suggest as a next date. I mean we've already gone out to dinner twice and there aren't that many more restaurants here in town. Plus, we really don't have any other entertainment options. No pool hall, no bowling alley. Plus, with it being winter it's kinda difficult to spend time outside unless you already have equipment and a lot of money. The last guy I dated was really into snowboarding and was teaching me, but I don't have my own board or a lift ticket.

I just find the whole dating scene frustrating. I mean, I just want to get to the point I find someone that I can love, trust and support for who they are.

On the job note, I've always put a lot more of myself into it than the other parts of my life. I still do that now, especially since I don't have that many friends or hobbies. So, my life has always tended to revolve around my work. It's funny, one of my former friends used to tell me that if I invested as much of my time and energy into my love life than I did my career, than I would have been married a long time ago! :)~

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 1/13/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I'm officially frustrated. What is up with that? I really am not trying to dwell, but it seems the more I try not to the more I actually do. Grr. Anyways, I just got off the phone with a girlfriend of mine who just got back from a fantastic vacation. She went on a cruise with a girlfriend of hers to the Carribean. It sounded like she had a great time! :) I'm so happy for her! She recently broke up with her partner that she'd been living with for the past five years. Even though she's handling it quite well - they are still quite good friends, she really needed some time to get away and decompress and try to put it all behind her. She had wanted to get married and he still wasn't sure, so she ended it. Okay, back to me, she had asked if I'd had any more dates, so I filled her in on the latest and she didn't know what to tell me. So, now I'm feeling confused and frustrated too. Agh, the waiting game. It's as though I have to make myself unavailable, but I have no idea what to do with myself while I wait. Grr! Then I need to have something exciting and interesting to talk about, since I'm not suppose to be just sitting around and waiting. Double grr! Grr, grr, grrr, grrr, grr!

Deep breaths, deep breath, deep breath. Okay, feeling better now. Thanks for letting me vent! Off to cook me a nice dinner and drink a glass of wine. Have a great night all! :)
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