Don'tknow, I'm so sorry. What caused him to start drinking again? Was he going to meetings and stopped or started going less often? If he was in AA and working the steps, sometimes a "slip" is to avoid going onto the next step...usually the 4th step. Was he under some unusual pressure?
I know the frustration and anger you are feeling. I've been through it with boyfriends and a husband. Just when you start letting your guard down and think you can trust him--boom! He drinks again and you're back on the merry-go-round. Every time it happens it erodes trust just a little more. All I can suggest is that you encourage him to stop NOW....to go to AA or detox or whatever he needs to do to save his life. He has to know the reality, which is that it's now a matter of life and death and that he needs to be willing to go to any length for his sobriety. And yes, that means some uncomfortable feelings and moments, but every time an alcoholic can get through them without alcohol, he becomes a little stronger and a little more able to face them well next time.
You also need to decide at this point how much you are willing to take and how long you will hang in there. And I know you hate the disease and him right now for putting you in that position.
My thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Connie
Don'tknow, his chances of staying sober for any length of time are not good if he doesn't go to AA. If he didn't like that particular meeting, he can look for another at another location. Some people are there because they are court-ordered due to DUIs. But heck, everyone is there because they have to be to save their lives. It's not like they have nothing more interesting to do. He may have had feelings coming up that were painful and he didn't know how to deal with them except to drink.
Yes, I know there are a few people in AA who smoke grass. And some are still drinking when they say they're not. But I was told from the beginning to "stick with the winners"--the people who have long-term sobriety and those who touch you and make sense when they speak. The ones who seem very serious about trying to stay sober and are succeeding.
He basically is making excuses. He needs to understand that his life is at stake--or doesn't he give a s---? Ask him that. If he doesn't care, then you are wasting your time.
Thank you Allie,
Its just a horrible thing to be around, bottom line!...... I guess time will tell, I am just going to tell him my opinion on everything one more time, and hope that he listens and understands... I might try some tough love as well, he needs to know that this can not be tollerated --- will let you all know how my talk with him turns out! Thanks to everyone... this Forum is the best to let your feelings out----- thanks again to everyone god bless all that are going through this..
Dontknow, Allie is right. It's such an individual disease that nobody really can predict how long someone will be around. What we know for sure is that if liver patients continue to drink, they are hastening their demise Like Allie's mom, more things will start going wrong.
Just be sure he is reasonably sober when you talk to him. Otherwise, he won't really comprehend what you are saying or won't remember it, and it could just lead to a big fight. Be very firm, but not confrontational, as that will put him on the defensive.
sorry for the late reply, my computer at home is a piece! ha ha and I had a couple of days off of work.
Welll I did have a nice sit down with my husband (while he was sober).. It was mostly me crying and begging him to stop drinking.. He stopped drinking but I think it is only because he got sick again, I knew it would catch up to him... he has been vomiting for two days straight, and is looking kind of yellowish again, more yellowish anyway.. he has had several bloody noses and has a general feeling of sickness.... today before I came to work it looked like he was short of breath, but I cant see any acites or adema coming back right now, he has taken his meds for the last two days... so we are two days sober again... cross your fingers..... thanks again guys!
Here's hoping, DK!
Praise God, DK! Now, his biggest challenge is looming: THE HOLIDAYS! I was very active in AA at the time, but my first Christmas was hairy. In fact, I didn't really feel comfortable during the holidays for over 3 yrs. The booze is flowing everywhere you look and go. Ads for liquor seem to be everywhere. And parties! I coped by staying really close to AA and my sober friends, but was really relieved when the holidays were over. After the first few years, I could really enjoy the holidays. But be aware that this is going to be very hard for him and he will be facing tempation everywhere he turns. He needs to have substitutes, learn to say "no thanks," and stay away from places he knows that alcohol will be served and people will be drinking.
Big hugs,
Thank you so much arneeb!
I feel like such an outsider sometimes or just ingnorant for staying with an alcholic--- people that have never been is the situation or something similar, are so easy to say -- "leave him, let him die, who cares!" It is even hard for my family to understand me most of the time. .. your post comforted me in knowing that you are doing as I am .. praying and holding his hand while he goes through this horrible thing!
Good luck to you and I will pray for you also... take care and god bless!
It's too bad he didn't get grief counseling when his brother died. That could have helped him tremendously. Even though you are a professional, I'm sure you know that it usually takes someone outside the situation to be able to see things objectively and be of real help. You have and are doing what you can to the best of your ability. But don't forget to be kind to yourself, as well.
