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Posted By : Living Well - 9/28/2017 4:27 AM
Hey UA,

Remember me?

I'm physically and cognitively disabled now. PTSD is my main psychiatric diagnosis, even though I still have the bp of course.

I started a medical ketamine trial in January of last year to help with the PTSD. I had two course of ECT which completely fried my brain and I remember very little of my life. Many memories of time with my son have gone. I was catatonic after the ECT. I had never had catatonia before. The first course was wonderful. Went back to work for the first time in about 12 years. The second course permanently fried my brain. So I got to experience both extremes of the same therapy.

I get daily care now. I have been a bit of a sleeping beauty since December of last year. I lapsed into a delirium not related to the ECT in December and am only coming out of now. I had no muscle control, fatigue, seizures and paralysis and have spent the year bedridden. It started with an instant paralysis fall where I hit my head. I had acute depression but that's to be expected when you can't escape from your mind or body, your bed and you are getting toiletted and bathed - and in some cases neglected and abused and being left, untoileted, unbathed, dehydrated and unfed. I was taken to hospital and they had to put many bags of fluid into me and I had lost 20 kgs. The "care" provider is in BIG trouble but its not just them. I had been making phone calls for months and weeks about the sliding care but no one would respond. I am meant to get 75 hours of care a week but I don't use all of that.

My psychiatrist has been brilliant. The neglect and abuse now that I am dependent on service providers for my survival has mirrored the neglect and abuse I suffered as a dependent child when my survival depended on my mother. No other situation could trigger me more perfectly :D.

He's helping me learn how to work my way through service providers as each one neglects and abuses me, understanding that the system is designed to exploit the vulnerabilities of people with disabilities (for a profit) and we simply aren't going to settle for that. So there are a lot of changes as he prepares me to propel my way through that, setting boundaries and encouraging me not to let their wrongdoing inflame me and exhaust me - simply cut off and leave the situation behind.

I understand this is more a ptsd post but ptsd does trigger my bipolar but I THINK this forum MAY HAVE BEEN my home forum for a number of years???? if I am remembering correctly???? I just have a vague sense. Everything is very wonky. So I could be wrong!!!

I remember you but not much else. I remember I got a pen pal from this site who I still keep in contact with. I remember the country you live and we were also pen pals before you became a mod. But I can't remember your name!!!! You have my email and you are welcome to email me because I can't remember your email, even though I have it. I have so many emails in my inbox, it would be like a needle in a haystack. I know it sounds really bizarre but it is true.

I hope you are well and it is great to see you are still providing such a great community service to the HW community.

Well done UA,

You know how they say, you always remember how people make you feel - that is definitely the case with memory loss smile

Posted By : UserANONYMOUS - 9/28/2017 7:00 AM
LW... yes, of course I remember you my friend!

It's been probably a year or 2...
Welcome back! smile I am glad you posted. It is really nice to hear from you. Thanks for updating us on how you have been and what you have been up too.

Sorry to hear about the effects of the ECT and all that you have been through.
I am glad that you have a good psychiatrist. Sounds like they are very supportive and helpful. Finding a good psychiatrist who we are comfortable with can be hard sometimes, so I am glad you found a good one.

Take Care!

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Posted By : theHTreturns... - 9/28/2017 7:28 PM
sending healing thoughts. hope it okay to tag on. the happy turtle is still around. just a bit of a username change. memories do come back, but not all. remember me?

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