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Posted By : halez93 - 6/30/2017 12:15 AM
let me start off by saying that the chronic illnesses that I have cannot affect the baby.
As the subject line has told you I have chronic pain and I'm pregnant.

My question for you is how did you or or partner cope when you where having really bad pain days, how do you get poeple to understand your not being lazy you just cant do those house hold tasks today?

I feel like I'm so missunderstood, I dont blame anyone for that, I just want to know how I can better explain my pain to others and not recieve the judgement as I have dont nothing to deserve it.

Dealing with chronic pain and being pregnant hasnt been easy but today I have had a very bad pain day and I don't know how to overcome my emotions and express how I'm feeling to those who I'm close to, any tips?

Thanks
Halez

confused

Posted By : straydog - 6/30/2017 8:44 AM
Hello Halez & welcome to the forum. You know we have discussed the issue many, many times over the years here in this forum. In all honesty we really never have been able to come up with a concrete solution. Some partners & spouses do understand & can handle it, however, some do not. Short of sitting that person down & explaining how you feel is a place to start.

A lot of us find that not letting our medical issues be the topic of any conversation. An example, my health problems are off limits for a conversation. I have been battling chronic pain nearly half of my life, many times I don't understand it, therefore, I do not expect anyone else to. I know I get sick of it at times, so I am not going to wear them out over it either. Everyone respects my wishes. Please understand, I am not in denial about all of my health issues either. My husband knows if I go lay down for a bit during the day, that means I need to take a break. I never talk about if I am having a bad day & not feeling well. What many of us run into is, people that do not have issues such as ours just cannot understand it as we do & I do not expect them to. I really wish there was a magic answer for all us .

And yes, with you being pregnant that brings on its own set of different types of aches & pain. With the help of a very good psychologist I learned how to navigate with my issues & dealing with other people. I found a lady that was great, she gave me so many different pointers when it came to so many different issues. I also learned that what other people think about me really doesn't matter, they are not the ones walking my path. If they were they would be keeping those thoughts to their self.

I can tell you are really bothered by this so please come here & vent any time you would like. We really are good listeners. Take care.
Susie
Moderator in Chronic Pain & Psoriasis Forums

Posted By : (Seashell) - 6/30/2017 9:40 AM
Hazel:
Welcome to our small family of people who are affected by ongoing pain. You are among friends here.

I agree with Susie's approach and guidance. Recognize I have been bombarded aberrant pain for several years - living with constant pain as an unwanted partner. With time comes insights and self-awareness that I did not have in earlier years in trying to cope and adapt to pain.

The premise of withholding discussion of my pain among my family has proved to be beneficial for me. That is, discussion of my health (and lack of) is off limits for the most part of day-to-day interaction with my family and close friends. Trying to explain and inform my family about my pain experience did little to increase their empathy or sensitivity to my plight. Until someone has had the personal experience of unrelenting pain, it is difficult to internalize and personalize the experience.

What has worked is for me to explain to my family what I need from them in coping as best as I can. Like Susie, that involves respect for my personal time to rest quietly and without added distraction or noise.

I highly recommend that you Google and read "The Spoon Theory." It is an analogy that helps to explain fatigue to those unaffected, the author using spoons as a measure of energy. Each day, the author begins her day with a limited number of spoons (units of energy). How she allocates her spoons (ex. One spoon to take a shower, another spoon to wash the breakfast dishes) gives awareness to family and friends in a medium that can can relate to. "The Spoon Theory" is a valuable tool to give to family and friends so that they can better identify what it is like to live with compromised health.

Come here to share and relate to others with pain and health limitations. You will find compassion and support from the members here.
- Karen -
Pituitary failure, wide-spread endocrine dysfunction
Addison's disease
Mixed connective tissue disorder
Extensive intestinal perforation with sepsis, permanent ileostomy
Avascular necrosis of both hips and jaw
Receiving Palliative Care (care and comfort)

Posted By : pitmom - 7/3/2017 2:38 PM
First, congratulations on the pregnancy. Second, congratulations on having a partner.

I take it that, prior to the pregnancy, you were able to accomplish most of what each day required and that now there are things causing limits. So, you may want to point out that your condition is temporary. Delivering a baby will bring it's own set of issues in the future which will affect your daily capabilities.

I like the 'spoons' explanation that has been shared with you. While I cannot tell you what to say, I can share with you my own experience.

My daughter and grandson (16) live with me, not because I need them to, they need me. We have a total of 9 pets at present and I garden this time of year. Sadly, most of the pet chores have fallen to me along with the 'regular' household and garden chores. I've had to unequivocably state that I am disabled, a fact that seems to be forgotten, apparently because I 'do' so much.

I tell them that each day presents with several 'battle fronts'. My physical 'front', my emotional 'front', my family 'front', etc. Some days I'm lucky enough to experience a 'truce' on one or more fronts. Some days I'm so battle weary that I just can't even pick up 'my sword' for one more skirmish. I've declared my 'day off' on occasion, reminded my housemates that I am NOT the only human in the house capable of opening the door for the cats or taking the dogs out for exercise, etc. I've learned to be content if the dishes are not washed right away, the rug isn't vacuumed, etc.

Perhaps you and your partner could sit down and discuss the expectations and how they are changing and will change even more once the baby is on the scene. Perhaps you could investigate how to get the chores accomplished in the meantime...hire a housekeeper perhaps? Or a local teenager to lend a hand with the things you can't get to yourself?

I hope things work out and you will post and let us know how things are going.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, wrist ganglionectomies/denervectomies/tenolysis, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cyst, whiplash, bursitis of hips, tendonitis, torus, 3rd degree shoulder separation, torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus

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