|The original version of this page can be found at : http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=18&m=2721875|
|Posted By : Texas333 - 5/5/2013 5:43 PM|
|I have been dating this guy for almost 4 years and is very open with having Cf. We talk a lot about getting married some day but I am scared if it the right decision.I am always there to support him whether its heeling him with his meds and taking him to doctors appts, I am allays there. I know we have been together a long time. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but when I start to think about myself, I don't know if I could marry someone that might not be in my life forever. The kids situation bothers me but not as much as losing someone that I have already given 4 years of my life too. Has anyone else gone through this thought process? I want to be with him but at the same time i don't want to lose someone I love so much.|
|Posted By : opnwhl4 - 5/8/2013 3:28 PM|
Welcome to Healing Well.
I have a perspective on this, but not exactly the same situation. My best friend who was more or less a sister to me since we had grown up together since we were knee high had CF. We lived across the street from each other. She and I talked about this a lot. She wasn't sure if she should ever get married because of her CF. We were told when we were 12 that she wouldn't make it to 15 because of how bad her CF was.
Well she made it through H/S and college and then married my cousin. They had dated for a few years before deciding to get married and had this discussion many times. She lived to be 39 and spent 16 great years with him, 11 of which they were married. I asked my cousin about all this the day of their wedding and he told me he would rather spend as many years as he possibly could with her knowing the outcome than to have never taken a chance and missed the years he would have with her.
You say that "I want to be with him but at the same time i don't want to lose someone I love so much." I think you may have answered you own question. I know that if my wife had CF I would have still married her. I love her that much.
Nissen 6/06 and 5/09
#3 on 8/24/11
|Posted By : E. Thomas - 5/16/2013 3:23 AM|
|I date an amazing person with CF and couldn't imagine not having them in my life... So I'm certainly not going to expedite that possibility by shutting them out prematurely. I'm aware that I potentially will long outlive them, but in whatever time we are able to have together before then, I know that being with that person will make me a hundred times happier and more fulfilled than if I were to spend twice that much time with anyone else.|
I guess what you have to ask yourself, if you are considering marriage, is if that person is really the person you want to spend your life with, regardless of whatever the future may bring. I wouldn't take something like life expectancy into account because really, there's no telling what could happen. Sorry to be blunt, but y'know, I don't have CF, yet could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die. There is NO WAY to prepare for the future, so my perspective is to not worry about it! Plus, new and better treatments are coming out for CF all the time. There's a huge chance that over the next few years, decades, whatever, life expectancy for people with CF will increase drastically due to medical innovations, which is always a nice thing to keep in mind.
Basically, what I'd suggest is to not take that aspect of things into account when considering marriage, but of course, what might be right for me might not be for you. Good luck with everything!
|Posted By : Kennedy Pellerito - 7/30/2013 11:17 PM|
|I am going through a very similar situation although I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. I know exactly how you feel. Just know you're not alone.|
|Posted By : RiverSanchez - 8/22/2013 5:08 PM|
I've just come across your post and I can certainly relate to your situation.
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and am madly in love with him. He told me after 6 months of dating that he had CF. To be honest I scared myself by jumping onto Google and reading on all of the worse scenarios they put up there. I try and stay positive as much as I can and try to just live each day as it comes. My BF is very healthy concidering.
If you wana chat. Just PM me xx River
|Posted By : Munkey_moo - 9/8/2013 8:52 AM|
|I have recently split with a guy I had been dating for 5 years who has CF. I knew before we got together that he had CF, and I think it made it easier for him, but in the back of his mind he was of the view that he should probably never date because he had CF and it would be irresponsible. Of course I disagreed with this as I believe he is entitled to happiness as much as any other person, if not more given the hand he's been dealt to be honest, and no one ever knows what the future holds. So for years he managed to ignore this notion (for the most part) because we clicked so well and were having too much fun! Until I became firm with what I wanted in the relationship - to live together, which had been on the cards for some time. |
This may sound like some sort of commitment issue or that maybe he didn't care about me as much as I did him but it's not. He is the kindest and most selfless person I have ever met, and because of this, all he wants is someone who can take care of me and who will make me happy. He says he couldn't live with himself by making the relationship any more serious but that he didn't regret our time together. Whilst he is currently in a relatively stable condition, he is 30 and feels that it's only downhill from here. He feels that this is the time that I should be planning my future, and that we have no future together because of his condition. He also feels guilty that because of CF, he can't be a "good boyfriend" to me by doing the things I love like being active outdoors and travelling because he doesn't have the energy or capacity anymore. His words, certainly not mine. These things are not an issue for me as there are workarounds, but though I try, I cannot absolve his guilt.
It has been at times a difficult journey for me, we have lost a few friends along the way with CF and he's seen how hard that's been for me. He knows that when/if things end badly that I would eventually be ok, but that it's no longer about me but more that he can't deal with the idea of putting me through that, so when the time comes, he wants me to have a partner who is going to be able to help me through it.
I have tried fighting him on this for 6 months now since he broke up with me, but he won't budge. I asked him to talk about it with someone from the hospital and their advice whilst highly amusing in its absurdity, was not helpful. Granted they said that they had never encountered this scenario before.
Does anyone have any advice? We are still close but I am at the end of my tether, and as a last resort I'm planning to move overseas because I can't deal with this anymore.
|Posted By : crystal04 - 10/1/2013 7:42 PM|
|Hello.. I just married my best friend who has|
Cf.. we have been together for 4 years now..
We just got married 2 weeks ago.. it is all very scary for
Me to see what he has to go through everyday.. I pray everyday
They will come out with something new for him to try. . That will
Make him feel better.. take the edge off.his cough.. it makes
Me very sad to see him go through this.. I think it has gotten
A lot worse .. he was just on ivs at home for 2 weeks.before
Our wedding .. after four days being off the ivs he was just as
Sick.. its like hes body is ammuned to everything and nothing
Is killing the infection in his lungs.. this all just kills me..is there
Anyone out there that would like to chat and give some.support
|Posted By : Munkey_moo - 10/14/2013 7:26 AM|
|Congratulations Crystal! I'm not sure I can offer much support, but I'll give it a shot... I think being there for him, and encouraging him to keep up with his treatments and partake in regular exercise is so important to someone with CF. From my experience in dating someone with CF, sometimes he (understandably) wouldn't want to do his treatments. As much as I wished he didn't have to go through with it, I knew how important it was to his health, so I would remind him of the benefits in what was hopefully a non-preachy/naggy way and get him do it. I liked to think of myself as his special CF personal trainer... and I think I made a difference. I imagine it would take an extreme amount of discipline to stick to a regime like that and I completely take my hat off to you CFers and what you go through on a daily basis.|
I also think that as rough as it is, there is no cure yet, so enjoy every moment and every day. As morbid as it is, I have such an appreciation for life now that I didn't have before being with someone with CF. I think it's wonderful that you've got married and can have a shot at normalcy. No doubt you'll be sad about what your husband has to go through and put up with, no one wants to watch the people they love suffer, but try not to let this take over your life. It's important to have an outlet for your emotions and your own support team you can talk to who can help, but just remember that sometimes he'll need you to be strong too.
|Posted By : feeling blessed - 7/12/2014 8:39 AM|
|My fiancée has CF, and we have been together for 8 years, and we have talked about getting married off and on several times. I would walk to the moon and back for him rather we are married or not. To me it shouldn't matter if someone has CF or not that shouldn't be or not be a reason to get married. We have come to learn that we live one day at a time because anything can happen to anyone.|
|Posted By : kberaun - 7/27/2014 6:45 AM|
|IT depends too if you want children. Most CF males are sterile.. if that is not an issue... do everything you can to encourage him to do all of his therapy to prolong life..he shouldnt be around smokers or anything that would make it worse.|
|Posted By : Wiley Coyote - 2/12/2015 12:56 PM|
|And even if you do want kids, there are tons of options out there too.|
We have two amazing little ankle biters.
OK, they're actually 9 and 13 now, but hey.........................
CF DDf508 w/ CFRD (dignosed 3 months) 43 years old, 2 kiddos