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Posted By : labelleliason - 1/29/2017 2:13 AM
Im currently feeling all the panic again. I wake up, cant remember where i am...i start sweating, i feel like i cant control the muscles on my throat to.swallow...i feel so strange....i dont know whats going on with me again;/ If anyone can relate pls help.

Posted By : getting by - 1/29/2017 3:49 AM
Sounds like it could be a bit of anxiety. Can't say for sure, but it sounds that way.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Posted By : BnotAfraid - 1/29/2017 8:03 PM
Yes sound like anxiety and perhaps fear from the past?

If you see a therapist I would talk about this in session.

Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Posted By : Tim Tam - 1/31/2017 9:08 PM
labelle:

Are you taking any medicine for this?

Posted By : labelleliason - 4/19/2017 11:48 AM
Hi! I've been taking Klonapin on and off for 4 years....0.5 mg I would say every other day and sometimes I'll go 2 weeks and not take one. I decided to stop them and my dr never gave me a plan to come off them and im noticing today I'm having alot of chest pain...and when I get emotionally stressed I cant calm myself down...anyway I havent taking a Klonapin in about 2 weeks now and I guess my question is should i go back and see my dr..or just ride it out now...I have my prescription but last time I was there she didn't seem too concerned...and. know she knows all about Klonapin..

Posted By : getting by - 4/19/2017 11:58 AM
It is so hard to say. I think talking to the doc would be the best choice. They would know more about where you stand with withdrawal symptoms. Or anxiety... Whichever it is.

Do you do any breathing exercises? It really helps with anxiety symptoms. Let me know if you are interested and I will tell you how.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Posted By : Tim Tam - 4/19/2017 1:11 PM
You say,

"Hi! I've been taking Klonapin on and off for 4 years....0.5 mg I would say every other day and sometimes I'll go 2 weeks and not take one. I decided to stop them and my dr never gave me a plan to come off them and im noticing today I'm having alot of chest pain...and when I get emotionally stressed I cant calm myself down...

"anyway I havent taking a Klonapin in about 2 weeks now and I guess my question is should i go back and see my dr..or just ride it out now...I have my prescription but last time I was there she didn't seem too concerned...and. know she knows all about Klonapin.."
--------------

If you take one every two weeks, and you haven't taken one in two weeks, and you've decided to stop taking the medicine, and you're having a lot of chest pain and you can't get your emotions under control:

As a bipolar patient, in my personal opinion, and you're having a lot of chest pain, I think you should resume taking the pill you normally take every two weeks.

In my unprofessional opinion, you could be having withdrawal from the medicine and it's probably going to get worse.

You ask, "and I guess my question is should i go back and see my dr..or just ride it out now..."

I think you should resume the medicine.

What do you think?

You say, "I have my prescription but last time I was there she didn't seem too concerned...and. know she knows all about Klonapin"

And I think you should call your doctor and get an appointment.

You could let us know how this is going.

The net says:

"Suddenly stopping (Klonapin) therapy after a few months of daily therapy may be associated with a feeling of loss of self-worth, agitation, and insomnia."

And "tremors, muscle cramping, vomiting, and/or sweating"

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 4/19/2017 1:28:45 PM (GMT-6)


Posted By : labelleliason - 4/20/2017 2:58 PM
Thank you for the replies. I'm going to keep taking it until I get in. I guess I worry bc i live a very sedentary lifestyle....and im sad alot so I worry how this is affecting my heart...Thanks again and I could use the breathing exercises!

Posted By : Tim Tam - 4/20/2017 3:39 PM
labelleliason:

Thank you for responding back.

You say, "I worry bc i live a very sedentary lifestyle....and im sad alot so I worry how this is affecting my heart"

Can I ask you what is keeping you from getting around? What is keeping me from getting around is a health problem which inhibits travel.

I try to stay as positive as I can within my boundries. I have things I like to do, watch TV, walk my dog, cook recepies that my now deceased wife taught me how to cook.

I was also at a group self help meeting one time, and when it came my turn to talk, I began listing all of my troubles, every one of them. When I finally finished, the woman to my left said, "Oh, you were having a pity party. We've all done that."

I mean, it wasn't an attack, but it was like she was getting onto for feeling sorry for myself.

Well, to say I needed that would be an understatement. I had felt sorry for myself all of my life.

But from then on, whenever I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I would see that woman's face, and I would hear her voice, and it didn't work. I couldn't feel comfortable feeling sorry for myself.

She grew me up. I had to man up because of her.

So, I'm just wondering: do you ever dwell in self pity?

I'm a senindary lifestyle also. But because of that woman, I don't sit around and feel sorry for myself.

I'm glad you're back on your med, and have an appt. to see your doctor.

Are you on the right anti-depressant? Is she a psychiatrist?

Posted By : getting by - 4/20/2017 5:32 PM
Hi Labelle,

What I do is breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth with pursed lips. It is called smelling the roses and blowing out the candles. when you breathe in count like three counts, when you breathe out, count five. The out breath needs to be longer than the in breath. It may take a few times before you start feeling benefits. It takes practice, but it slows down the breathing and the heart rate. Often you can stop anxiety in it's tracks. This is kind of like abdominal breathing and may make you a little bit light headed in the beginning, but that goes away. I abdominal breathe a lot. It keeps me calm.

I hope that this helps, and remember it takes a few times before you notice the benefits of it.

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Posted By : labelleliason - 4/24/2017 1:42 PM
Thanks for the exercises. I guess i do dwell sometimes and have pity parties. I don't get out much at least by myself because I have anxiety attacks and so I just would rather not leave...I do go places sometimes but rarely. I feel like I cant drive without over thinking it...I know it only gets worse over time but what can I say...I also injured my knee...i have a subluxation of my knee that happened about 3 months ago. It hasn't healed properly yet. That sums it up! I haven't always had this..its been building and there are deeper things I find even more hard to work on! Thanks for the replies.

Posted By : BnotAfraid - 4/24/2017 4:50 PM
Labelleliason,

for my anxiety attacks or the 'coming on of one, I keep a small cooler with 2 gel pack ice packs in it.

I take this with me every time I go out in the care. I feel like I am winding up. I hold one of the ice packs, put against my chest, so I am grounded and using breathing exercises to refocus. Even works while I am driving.

Here are some links that might help you. I have severe anxiety about crowds, so I empathize:

www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-better-friend-to-yourself/

www.mindful.org/?s=anxiety

I hope this helps you.
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Posted By : alisee - 5/1/2017 11:21 PM
What 's you previous panic experience?
Were you experiencing a tough period?
I sincerely recommend you to do some outdoor exercise.
In addition, my way to relieve the stress is to relax .

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/2/2017 2:16:19 AM (GMT-6)


Posted By : Tim Tam - 5/2/2017 11:37 AM
Can you get your knee looked at by a doctor?

What does your psychiatrist say about the anxiety attacks.

Does she have a med suggestion for that?

Can you take a tranquilizer or 2 with you on a walk, in case you have an anxiety attack?

Can you walk a dog at a kennel to get you out?

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 5/2/2017 11:41:48 AM (GMT-6)


Posted By : labelleliason - 6/15/2017 8:02 PM
Hi,
Thanks for the tips. I feel very emotional these days again. I feel very anxious....sad and overwhelmed...I guess I bury how I feel alot. There is probably some things in my life I could take more control of....but it's very hard...I guess when you pretend to be happy when you're not that could mess up one"s emotions..but I think all I feel these days are anxiety and like I'm trapped in a depression loop.
I feel like it's hard to take control of my emotions. I used to cry sometimes but now.i prob spend 2 hrs some.mornings just dealing with sad feelings and crying. I think I could get this under control w/o meds but therapy hasn't helped much.

Posted By : BnotAfraid - 6/16/2017 11:34 AM
L,

Sorry you are going through this.

You are not alone. It is from burying your feelings. Eventually there is no more room and emotions start to over flow.

Ask your therapist to walk you through how to "SIT WITH YOUR EMOTIONS"
It is not as hard as you would think.

I thought it was scary, I was terrified to do it. Finally I asked my therapist to walk me through it a few times, we did during the next 3 sessions, and I was fine. It is nothing to be afraid of.
You realize that feelings can not hurt you.

Try to be your own advocate in therapy, you are with meds, continue in the rest of your healing.
Just stay safe!

Peace
Trina
Moderator - Depression

"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH

DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;

Posted By : Tim Tam - 6/16/2017 1:17 PM
Good that you wrote back.

You said, “I feel very emotional these days again. I feel very anxious....sad and overwhelmed...I guess I bury how I feel a lot”

You mentioned earlier that you take Klonopin, which the net says is good for anxiety.

You say you also feel “sad and overwhelmed.” Have you ever taken an anti-depressant?

Do you think that might help? Can you ask your doctor about that? Do you see a psychiatrist, or a general practionier?

You say, “There is probably some things in my life I could take more control of....but it's very hard” What are some of the things in your life you would like to take more control of?

You note: ”I guess when you pretend to be happy when you're not that could mess up one"s emotions..but I think all I feel these days are anxiety and like I'm trapped in a depression loop.”

How long have you been depressed? Again, have you tried an anti-depressant?

Also, does this anxiety and depression run in your family? I think it can help if you know that you didn’t invent your mental illness, and that it’s not all your fault. Did your parents or grandparents have either of those?

Do any siblings, or aunts or uncles, have that?

My mother's mother had bipolar, and that's how I got my condition.

You say, “I feel like it's hard to take control of my emotions. I used to cry sometimes but now.i prob spend 2 hrs some.mornings just dealing with sad feelings and crying. I think I could get this under control w/o meds but therapy hasn't helped much.”

Well, if you’re crying, you probably need an anti-depressant. It seems like you’ve got depression, also, but you’re only being treated for anxiety.

I have bi-polar, and take Mirtazapine for the depresson, and Lithium for the mania. If I wasn’t taking the Mirtazapine, I’d be crying everyday like you are.

I know, because once I was crying in front of my psychiatrist, and she said, “Aw, you’re just depressed.” Yeah, she was kinda cold, but she was right.

So, if you want to take more control of your life, you can start with that depression, by asking your doctor about it. If he or she doesn’t believe you’re depressed, take him or her the list of signs below and tell them which ones you have.

If the doctor doesn’t believe that, you can always get another doctor. These are my views, what are yours?

Depression is treatable, so help is available for that.

mayoclinic.org says:

“Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.

You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

symptoms

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness

• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters

• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports

• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much

• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain

• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

Medicines

“Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Doctors often start by prescribing an SSRI. These drugs are considered safer and generally cause fewer bothersome side effects than other types of antidepressants. SSRIs include citalopram (Celexa), escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva), sertraline (Zoloft) and vilazodone (Viibryd).”

Posted By : labelleliason - 7/3/2017 1:16 PM
Thank you for the thoughtful posts. I have taken antidepressants before. I have tried a lot. I guess half of me is thinking that I'd really like to feel differently and the other half of me is saying what's the point if I dont make major changes in my life...but I'm not making them....and I dont know if I can as I am right now.
I feel like I have to control everything or its all going to fall apart. I have had issues with Depression and anxiety so I wonder if I took something I could move forward again. After trying Brintillex though I'm nervous to try something again. I didn't feel like it did anything for me. I'm tired of watching my life. I want to feel apart of it.

Posted By : getting by - 7/3/2017 1:51 PM
Make slow changes, one thing at a time. Don't rush yourself. Set small goals for yourself. Know that everything is going to be okay.

Also know that once you let go of trying to control everything, life becomes fantastic. That is an anxiety issue there. I was the same way. Now I know that there is so much out of our control. You need to go with the flow of life. Accept what you can't change or control. You will still be okay.

Just because the Brintellix didn't work doesn't mean another one wont. But it is totally up to you whether or not you are going to take something.

Look for some books on anxiety. You can control it, it just takes practice. Some people need a little help with medication. I took Xanax for many years. Now I meditate and practice mindfulness instead. Not saying I don't have an occasion to take a Xanax. Sometimes I need one. But most of the time I can control it. Keeping drama out of my life as much as I can has helped a lot.

I hope you feel less anxious soon. Remember yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present,

Hugs, Karen...
Moderator-Depression


fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression, allergies

Posted By : Tim Tam - 7/7/2017 10:39 AM
Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time.

My wife tried a lot of medicines and many of them did not work, so I have a idea of what you might be going through.

It's good that you are staying in touch with the board.

You said you took Klonopin for 4 years, which net says is used to treat panic attacks, and noted on 1-29-17 that “Im currently feeling all the panic again. I wake up, cant remember where i am….”

I remember now, that in the panic attacks I had, I would wake up and didn’t recognize the room that I was in, it was my bedroom. It was a horrifying feeling.

Can they give you something that can stop the panic attacks? Is the Klonopin still helping? Is she still giving you that medicine?

You said, “i start sweating, i feel like i cant control the muscles on my throat to.swallow”

On the website “everydayhealth.com” it says: “Other conditions your doctor needs to know about before prescribing (Klonopin) include: “Difficulty swallowing”.

So, your problems with swallowing and Klonopin could be a bad combination. Does your doctor know about this? When is your next appointment?

You said, “. I have taken antidepressants before. I have tried a lot (of anti-depressants). And, “After trying Brintillex though I'm nervous to try something again. I didn't feel like it did anything for me.”

The net says Brintillex is used to treat major depression. So you said you have problems with panic (Klonpin) and depression (Brintilles) and that “I have taken antidepressants before”

So, it could be said, you are getting, or tried, medicine that is treating your conditions. Could you try any new such meds?

My panic attacks were helped by Lithium for manic-depression, and the fact that that med was treating my bipolar, and my panic attacks stopped. Does the Klonopin control your attacks?

Even though the Brintillex didn't work, can you try another anti-depressant?

You say, “And, “I guess half of me is thinking that I'd really like to feel differently and the other half of me is saying what's the point if I dont make major changes in my life...but I'm not making them....and I dont know if I can as I am right now.”

Can you get out? Do you have a car? I don't drive, so I know how tough that can be.

How is your knee?

Posted By : labelleliason - 7/27/2017 7:09 PM
Thanks! I don't think I have Depression right now...I have in the past..but right now I just feel angry and lethargic. Everything just seems like a big pain. I do have some self pity (I think). I think part.of that is bc I always pretend I'm fine in every situation but inside I have so much anxiety or anger or some other bad feeling. Usually if I have a bad day with anxiety it can take me 3 days to recover and I do feel sorry for myself at these times...unfortunately.

Posted By : Tim Tam - 8/6/2017 2:47 PM
I feel lethargic right now.

I take Melatonin supplement from the health food store for sleep, and then, 7 or 8 hours later, I can't get up out of bed because I'm still groggy from the Melatonin. It takes me about 1 1/2 hours to get up out of bed.

Also, maybe to some degree, groggy from the Lithium for bipolar and anti-depressant Mirtazapine.

But it's mainly the Melatonin.

I switched to Power to Sleep, also from the health food store, which didn't make me groggy in the morning, but that started hurting my kidneys, and as soon as I stopped Power to Sleep, my kidneys stopped hurting.

Can you get around? Do you have a car? I have trouble with transportation. You said:

"I don't get out much at least by myself because I have anxiety attacks and so I just would rather not leave...I do go places sometimes but rarely. I feel like I cant drive without over thinking it"

How is your knee?

I use to have self pity, also, but some lady at a group therapy session knocked it out of me, when I listed my troubles in front of the group and she very calmly said, "Oh, you were having a pity party. We've all done that."

I mean, come on lady, give me some sympathy here. No sympathy. Just, grow up. I had some trauma in childhood, her name was my mother, and so I had basically never grown up. I was encouraged to stay immature, and the trauma kept me there, also.

But that lady reversed all of that, and grew me up right there on the spot, right there in front of the other group members. Embarrassing and enlightening.

It had such a profound effect on me, I never wanted to embarrass myself again in front of others, so I would not allow myself to have self pity, because I knew how embarrassing it could be.

So I had to grow up, and put my childish ways behind me. This woman was my new mother, and she was better than the original.

Have you had trauma? You mentioned self pity, I'm just wondering.

Posted By : labelleliason - 8/9/2017 10:46 PM
Hi,

I actually hurt my knee again..i slipped..go figure. I can drive places and I do have a car.
I am having a hard time right now regulating my emotions....I feel like I'm on a rollar coaster. I think im mainly so depressed about how I am living my life....its a constant thing of beating myself up and sometimes I feel like I can't relax and my mind is spinning. I'm still not working....I think that is very stressful and how I feel about that is very stressful. It's been a weight that I never put down. I have my klonapin if I really need them but yea. I have down days that I think are circumstantial and then I have days where I just can't stop the stress and I feel very down...like it's the end of the world....Im just not working my way out of this hole very well. Last night I drank too much and said some things that weren't even true. I'm def keeping an eye on that now..so I don't say smg I regret. (Again) That is done though. Things have been messy and my mood has also been bad.

Posted By : Tim Tam - 8/13/2017 11:35 AM
Good that you are keeping in touch with the board.

It's good that you drive a car. You said,

"I am having a hard time right now regulating my emotions....I feel like I'm on a rollar coaster. I think im mainly so depressed about how I am living my life....its a constant thing of beating myself up and sometimes I feel like I can't relax and my mind is spinning. I'm still not working....I think that is very stressful and how I feel about that is very stressful. It's been a weight that I never put down"

Prior to applying for disability, I really hesitated because I didn't want to look at myself as such. When I finally got it after many years, I really found it difficult to look at my status on a form: "Disabled." Or "Job?" "Disabled."

Oh, gosh, I would think, "I'm not disabled" in the sense that there were some things I could do. I couldn't hold a job, that's true, but I didn't feel completely disabled. But I had to acknowledge that, and it was difficult.

So, I know what you are saying when you state: "I'm still not working....I think that is very stressful and how I feel about that is very stressful. It's been a weight that I never put down"

And, "I think im mainly so depressed about how I am living my life....its a constant thing of beating myself up and sometimes I feel like I can't relax and my mind is spinning"

You say you've tried some antidepressants.

Again, is there anywhere you can go to do some volunteer work, walk a dog at a kennel for an hour a day? Maybe find a dog that you like and take him home with you?

Then, you can walk your dog around the block, help the dog, help yourself. Get out in the fresh air. Meet some people, get exercise.

Right, what do I do? What's my main form of socialization and exercise? That's right, walking my dog around the block.

What was it I thought about the other day as a place to volunteer? One I've been suggesting from the past was hospital or senior citizen home. The other one I was thinking of was soup kitchen or food bank.

When I think of criticizing myself, I stop and try to think positively about myself and the way I handled a particular situation. Think, I did the best I could.

And, positively, use any mistakes that I think I may have made, to say, learn from those mistakes. To focus only on the mistakes, but not to learn from them, is negative. It shows how we're thinking. And we can learn from that, by trying to think positive about our next problem that we can solve it.

One positive is, you can drive a car.

You said, "I have down days that I think are circumstantial and then I have days where I just can't stop the stress and I feel very down...like it's the end of the world....Im just not working my way out of this hole very well"

Can you think positive about each problem as it comes along?

You say, "but I think all I feel these days are anxiety and like I'm trapped in a depression loop.
I feel like it's hard to take control of my emotions. I used to cry sometimes but now.i prob spend 2 hrs some.mornings just dealing with sad feelings and crying. I think I could get this under control w/o meds but therapy hasn't helped much."

That is very sad.

Keep checking with the board. How are you doing today? Can you get out in your car?

Posted By : labelleliason - 9/25/2017 12:36 PM
Thanks for all the suggestions. That is part of the problem though. I never actually deal with anything. When i look at everything....my life...alarm bells are going off....I find it hard to even cope because what I say and show to the outside are two different people. Today for example...Im suppossed to help my mom with smg and I probably would have stopped talking to everyone completely bc i dont want them to know how bad things are....how anxious I am....how I say everything is okay because I say that but its not.
The problems just keep piling on and Im frozen and I have no one to talk to bc i cant be honest bc it will alarm them and myself even more so. Im not really sure.....I guess the person whom I really want to think everything is okay is my S.O. I could get moving....but it seems really hard. All of this anxiety keeps me up at night. I guess Im mainly afraid that my marriage will fall appart and I dont know where to began. I know what we do is a big part of who we are..so maybe not doing anything for so long has made me too analytical...I really dont have any excuse that I know of not to work but i also have no sense of self in a way bc how i am on the outside does not match how I really feel. Im not sure if this makes sense. Everyone is really concerned that i cannot find my purpose and me most of all. All i can say is that i have a lot of guilt and anxiety on top of it.

Posted By : Tim Tam - 9/25/2017 6:01 PM
It's good that you have gotten back with the board.

So you had like, what, a rough childhood and you can't get over it, right?

You're very sensitive and that's a good thing, as discussed in the thread near this one, "Mental Breakdown." In that tread there is a new book mentioned, "The Highly Sensitive Person" plus 3 or 4 paragraphs of a review of that book that you might want to look at, since you're sensitive.

Sensitivity is not a weakness, it's a strength, and you are very sensitive and introspective.

Can you appreciate your sensitivity?

You say, "I find it hard to even cope because what I say and show to the outside are two different people." Did you have such a rough childhood you are now like two people?

If so, it wasn't your fault. What was childhood like?

Did you, like, inherit anxiety and have a rough childhood? If so, who did you inherit your anxiety from? It helps to know, so you know it's not your fault.

I got my bipolar from my mother's mother. It can skip a generation, so it may have been your grandparents who had anxiety, but not your parents. Can you figure out where you got it from?

You said, "Im suppossed to help my mom with smg and I probably would have stopped talking to everyone completely bc i dont want them to know how bad things are...."

That's understandable. I once was going to walk my dog, but my neighbors to left were outside, and I was depressed and didn't have what it takes to walk down the street in front of their house, because I would probably have to talk to them, but I didn't have the strength to do that.

So, I didn't go to the left, so I went the other direction, and there those neighbors were outside, and I ran into them because I couldn't get away and it was horrible.

I was invited to a gathering one time and was depressed and knew I hadn't bee anywhere in a long time, so it was push-pull on the issue of going to the gathering. I went and wished I hadn't because I couldn't socialize because of my depression.

So, you were probably right not to go to your mom's. But I know how you feel, you don't feel like doing anything, and you don't like that, and you feel worse if you do go somewhere and can't converse, so there we are, stuck in the middle with guilt for not doing anything, and fear if we do try to do something.

You say, "The problems just keep piling on and Im frozen and I have no one to talk to bc i cant be honest bc it will alarm them and myself even more so. Im not really sure"

I know the frozen feeling. I once applied for a job, gave them my phone number, they were to give me a call. Didn't realize I gave them to wrong phone number where I used to stay, but wasn't now.

I lost my confidence in the day or 2 after I applied and didn't call the person back to see if I got the job. My girlfriend said, call them, the only reason I did, and I got the job. But if she hadn't encouraged me to do so, I might never have called and got the job.

So I know what frozen is.

You say: "I guess the person whom I really want to think everything is okay is my S.O. I could get moving....but it seems really hard. All of this anxiety keeps me up at night. I guess Im mainly afraid that my marriage will fall appart and I dont know where to began"

I know I have concern about keeping someone's friendship, especially when I start having mental or physical problems, and I worry that they might not want to be my friend anymore. So it is a concern with me, also.

And: " I know what we do is a big part of who we are..so maybe not doing anything for so long has made me too analytical...I really dont have any excuse that I know of not to work but i also have no sense of self in a way bc how i am on the outside does not match how I really feel."

No sense of self. What happened to it? Your anxiety. Where does that come from? Have you had it all of your life?

And: "Im not sure if this makes sense." Yeah, it does.

You add: "Everyone is really concerned that i cannot find my purpose and me most of all. All i can say is that i have a lot of guilt and anxiety on top of it."

You can feel they're pulling for you, and feel guilty because you can't get better.

Can't find your purpose, can find yourself. Who took that?

We like you just as you are. Sensitive. That's why we keep talking to you.

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