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Posted By : Rose51 - 5/29/2017 7:07 AM
Mum has Alzheimer's. Am I annoyed and angry because she says things that are not true and talks behind my back even though I'm the one that is her main carer? Or am I angry that a once strong, independent beautiful woman who had amazing hands, cooking and making beautiful gowns now wets herself and tries to blame the dog? Anger, hatred, confusion, can't find the keys, loses her clothes, leaves food in the fridge for weeks and just walks around the house not know what she is looking for? Saying stupid things that just don't make sense, walking outside 20 times a day just to see if my car is there which means I'm home. Her fear, confusion, anxiety. How can it stop? It can't stop. It will only get worse.
How do we, the carers, survive this disgusting and pathetic disease? To watch our loved one's brain just melt into oblivion. How do we keep sane, how do we not think that we are going mad. The constant calling, the anger, the guilt then the sorrow and sadness, the 'please forgive me moment' straight after a moment of wanting to end it all because of the hurt that they inflicted on you. How do you survive such a cruel and confusing state of mind? How?
Deep, deep in my hurt and damaged soul I have a light that is still there, it's still alive, that is where it flickers, it will never die, it's just a flicker but it's still there. That is where my strength is.

Posted By : Alice22 - 5/30/2017 9:29 PM
Rose,

I know what you're going through. It's so hard. I took care of my mother with Alzheimer's for almost four years and I often felt the way you do. My mother did and said the same things, plus she became a kleptomaniac. When I took her shopping I found all kinds of things in her purse when we got home - watches, bracelets, sunglasses, scarves, etc. I can't believe I didn't see her stealing, let alone any of the sales people. She also picked at her face to the point where it was bleeding in several spots but yelled at anyone who told her she had to stop. Saying I was frustrated is an understatement! Do you have any other family members to help you? Or, can you hire someone to take her out, or stay with her, to give yourself a break? My mom moved up to live with my brother and sister-in-law a couple of months ago in another state. They have a big house and lots of children and grandchildren around, which is a better situation for her (and for me as I really needed a break). See if there is an Alzheimer's organization in your area that you can contact for both practical and moral support. Is she on any medication, such as Aricept? That might help somewhat. If she's anxious talk to her doctor -
maybe he can put her on a very low dose of Lexpro or similar drug. There was a study someone posted on reversing dementia on this forum that is worth reading. Some of the supplements used were CoQ10, Methyl B12, and others that I can't think of off hand. Does she like listening to old music? I used to record reruns of Lawrence Welk and find Youtube videos of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and other music my mother liked that that kept her occupied for hours.
That flicker that you talk about is your love for your mom. It will never die because love doesn't die, and despite the dementia, it's still your mom and you will always love her. But you are only human and it's depressing to see our mothers' the way they are now, which is why you need to find some help - from family or a support group. I wish you the very best. You are a good person to be doing what you're doing and I'm sure on some level she appreciates it deeply, and loves you as she always has.
Diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2005 and rheumatoid arthritis in 1998. On Remicade since 2005 for both diseases. For UC tried sulfasalazine, Lialda, colazal and others which made me sick. Use peppermint oil capsules and Bentyl which help during a flare and with IBS symptoms, and turmeric, krill oil, CoQ10 and Methyl B12.

Posted By : Rose51 - 5/30/2017 9:37 PM
Thank you so much For your kind words Alice. Mum does have carers in nearly every day and is on anti-depressants. I am definately going to seek help at the Alzheimers support group. Family? Yes i have a brother who pops in every day for 15 minutes. He sees nothing of what goes on but I understand that he can only do what he can do. I really appreciate your support. Thank you.

Posted By : Red_34 - 6/8/2017 9:29 PM
I cared for my grandmother after she developed dementia from chemo therapy, she always knew who I was but was extremely unpredictable towards my husband, son and especially my daughter who was only 8 at the time. For some reason she was cruel toward my daughter, which in turn caused major upset with her because her once loving grandmother turned on her. Which unfortunately led me to put my grandmother in assisted living.

Dementia and AD is an extremely horrible disease. It not only robs the sufferer of their identity but we lose the people we love. I'm sorry you have to go thru this but remember, this is NOT your mother speaking and doing things. She's still in there but she has no control over what she does. As hard as it is, try not to take things personal.
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma, Alzheimer's, IBS, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC '92 - meds: Apriso, Remicade) Unable to tolerate MOST mesalamines* Currently in Remission, IBS, Diverticuliar Disease, Fibro, Sacroiilitis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry eye syndrome (which caused a blockage -had the DCR surgery 2015 success!), allergies-Zyrtec

Posted By : cable poodle - 6/25/2017 11:04 AM
Being a Care Giver for a Patient with many different diseases. is a TOUGH job. Most people think about the Patient . ."Oh Poor Joe" "He has Alz. and doesn't know whats going on". Let me tell ya, it's much tougher on the care giver and family.

We are in the process now of organizing our family, and responsibilities to take care of father-in-law with AD. There is soo much involved, and not just the difficulty of finding home health care help, but Power of Attorney, Medicare, secondary insurance, insurance limits, assets, income.... Keeping documentation organized is a full time job.

Good Luck in your journey, and do all you can . . stay strong!
Successful liver transplant Feb. 8,2012 at Pittsburgh VA Medical Center. Could not have gotten through it with out God, Family and Friends, and the "Healing Well" website and Forum.

Posted By : machineboy - 7/21/2017 3:51 PM
One of Dad's childhood friends has been succumbing to it more in recent months. My dad has been his designated care taker and manages his estate though only in name as John, my dads friend, hasn't really needed the help. but after a recent event John isn't able to live on his own anymore and so my dad has been helping him more and more. John doesn't seem to notice the change in his life and is adapting quickly. My dad is another story...pretty tough on him.

because of that we all try to help when and how we can. It tough but you're doing the right thing. and your frustration is normal. Its helpful to express it especially if you have a support group

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